Keeping a Prayer Journal

I do not have perfect faith, no one does. Seeking out God requires opening your heart up and observing what is in it. It means not judging your feelings but gaining a deeper understanding of them. Everything that happens to you has meaning and purpose. By being obedient to God you move closer to the truth of who you are. When a relationship seems broken, there's a need for change. Sometimes the truth hurts the ones you love most, but it becomes a journey of unconditional love and self discovery. By letting our story of sorrows, happiness, joy, and pain guide us on our journey, we trust in God that there is value in our feelings. I believe it's God's way of speaking to us.
To experience a closeness to God, a Prayer Journal offers a relationship with him and gives us guidance in our daily life. Below is an entry from my journal when my husband and I were going through a difficult time. God gives us many chances to restore our faith in him, all we have to do is pray and listen to our hearts.

From Journal Entry: 6/24/09

Praise: When we seek God often we find him.
My sins: Lack of trust I have in my husband, there's still some forgiveness I need to do. Letting my thoughts wander. Yelling at my kids.
Request: God I ask that you guide this family and teach us to love one another more tenderly. Help me trust my husband again. Keep my family safe.
Thanks God for constantly reminding me of your presence in my life. It is the building blocks of my faith.
Listening: Everything is going to be okay.

*In the praise section, write a prayer giving him the glory he deserves.
*Next admit your sins to God.
*In the request section, write down your concerns and request for yourself and others.
*Next section give thanks to God.
*In the listening section, write down what ever you feel God is saying to you.

~Reference, The Road Home by Denise Jackson

Poem- Anam Cara

Time stopped,
my stomach flip-flopped.
A steady gaze,
face to face.

Eyes locked,
an instant shock.
Skin pale,
the feeling real.

I pull away,
nothing to say.
I stay away,
to much pain.

The Wild Mongoose

A wild mongoose is on the loose.

It peeked out from under my bed.

That mongoose ran circles around my dog Big Red.

Red barked and carried on,

chasing that mongoose out into the yard.

My little sister was screaming at the top of her lungs.

It startled my neighbors and my mom.

She came out of the house and asked,

"What is all the yelling about?"

I said, "There's a mongoose on the loose.

It was hiding under my bed and it scared Big Red."

My mom replied, "You stay right here. I'm going

to go get the broom."

I quickly remarked, "What good is that going to do?"

The mongoose ran into the barn.

He was now trapped and couldn't go very far.

He was in between two bales of hay.

This had turned out to be not your ordinary day.

I yelled at my dog, "Get him boy! You can do it!"

Big Red was waiting for the perfect moment.

He snatched up that mongoose.

Big Red had him locked in his jaws.

My mom returned and her mouth dropped.

She began yelling, "Stop, stop, stop!"

I calmly said, "Mom it's okay. Just go behind

the house and get the old bird cage."

My mom ran as quick as she could. And with

the bird cage she returned.

Carefully we put the mongoose inside of there.

Poor little guy was shaking, he was scared.

I pleaded with my mom,"Please can I keep him?"

She hesitated but then said, "As long as you feed him."

I named him Speedy, which suits him good.

He's hard to see when he's loose in my room.

My Conversations w/God on Karma

You carry the burden of your ancestors karma, dear child. The pain of all things rest on your shoulders. There is no clear path. All things must come to full circle. All things must die and be reborn. My child, your rebirth comes in rays of sunshine. For you have noticed my rays. My beauty is in all things- all truths. Find your truth and be it. There is much to be said for your suffering. It cleanses the impure heart and brings fire. It burns so bright, all will see. Restored again to its sweet innocence. There will be salvation for you. Your people will thank you. And I will thank you for remembering me in all your saddest and glorious days.

~God

My Letter to Sebastian

I wonder what you look like. I wonder if you remember me. Your existence softens me. Loving you is all I can do. I pray for your happiness. I pray no harm comes to you. I pray my words find you someday and you will know I thought everyday about you. God bless you Sebastian.

All my love,
Michelle

Poem- The Tide

Circling time,
polished over by the tide.

The moon waning,
remembers me.

Chasing karma,
undoing my sin.

The clouds parting,
revealing a past.

Memory like a wave,
washing away burdens.

A new sun,
birthing a new beginning.

Tibetan Wisdom- The Two Truths

The nature of reality has two truths- relative truth and absolute truth. Relative truth is what allows us to measure, make judgements, take positions, take sides. It is the point of reference society accepts. It is the way we function every day.
Absolute truth holds the mystery of life. Nothing exists the way it seems. Perception changes tremendously. Everything seen is no longer strong, solid, absolute, or intact. Everything is softened, leading one beyond the laws of physics.
Our lives are based on both relative and absolute truth. Wisdom is an understanding of that. The path to freedom is wisdom and compassion. You try to achieve the highest possible goal for yourself and others by applying love and compassion and wisdom to your life.
The importance of understanding this is to free your mind. It is unnecessary to suffer. Free your mind of clutter and attachments through meditation. Then you can begin to heal yourself and live the life you always dreamed of.

Reference~ Good Life, Good Death by Rimpoche Gehlek

Poem- Knot

From the North
the wind blows
Skies reflect
the mood of you

Waters calm
crystal blue
There is only two
me and you

A memory
happenstance
Shaded by the
great tree

It contains all thoughts
past and present
It knots us together
for all eternity

Fairy Princess

Pink tennis shoes with no laces.
Sandals with little yellow daises.

Overalls with cowboy boots.
A hat to match and a gun that shots.

A purple floppy hat and socks with
green and white stripes.
Tucked away in another pile,
is a horse I like to ride.

Little ballerina dress hanging
on a hanger.
Black silky gloves to go on my
teeny tiny fingers.

Sunglasses with a frame in the
shape of hearts.
Brothers' boxers- his favorite Cars.

Decisions, decisions what to be for
the day.
This is a hard decision what to play.

A princess with a starry crown;
matching heels to go with a ballgown.

A magic wand to make all my wishes
come true.
I'd turn my brother into a cow,
that's what I'd do!

That sounds like just the thing
I want to be.
So a fairy princess it is-
I do deem!

Dream-Man Holding My Hand

From Journal Entry July 10, 2000

A black man took my hand as I cried. I wanted to ask one question. I didn't know what to ask. As I was crying he said I was very humble and said that was good. I than asked, "What should be on my list of things to accomplish a year from now?" He said, "Child it isn't important what you can do a year from now, but what can you do today."
This dream was literal in meaning. There were two messages I got from the dream. First spiritual attainment can only be reached through an attitude of humbleness. Empathy the man displayed is an ingredient necessary in a soul's progression. His affection towards me was comforting and reassuring. When someone else can understand and bare your pain, burdens are easier to overcome. That person becomes a source of strength.
Secondly, as the old saying goes, "Don't put off tomorrow, what you can do today." Living in the present is the only place you will find true gratification. A healthy balance can be found when you realize your dreams, and by moving towards them in your daily life. By keeping your attention on the present, opportunities that come your way won't be missed. There is a higher vibration that your more attune with by being in the moment. Creativity is alive and present only in the space of "now". And always be open to new things.

Lady of the Sun

A whisper on the wind,

A bird carried on the breeze;

Sends its message to the Goddess of the Sea.

Letting her know the Lady of the Sun

will visit her, to show her what is to come.

The bird nestled on her waters

so gallantly calm, sings a glorious and poetic song.

As night beckons to hasten the bird away-

The moon appears glistening in a luster

of silver and gray.

The God of the Moon shouts down,

"So what is it that is to come?"

Now hinting in colors of a brindled plum.

The Goddess of the Sea enchanted in colors

of amber caressing her face-

Lifts the bird with her gentle waves and grace.

Shifting her attention now that the bird is keen-

Replies, "I don't know. I'm waiting here patiently

for the Lady of the Sun to come to me!"

The moon slowly drifts away,

to sleep until the next day.

The sun comes out to brighten the day-

wearing a crown of gold and a gown of magnificent

silk in brilliant array.

The Goddess of the Sea looks up grinning in her way.

And in reply, "This is the same message I get everyday!"

Poem- Heaven's Child

Heaven beckoned her,
calling her home.
God longing to feel his child
in his arms again.

God wept,
tears of joy-
tears of a Father.
He said, "You've been gone
my Daughter. I have missed you.
You sacrificed your life, so others
would know my name. Oh how
I love you."

She understood. Everything
became clear. Her life would
save others who didn't know the
Lord's name.

She wept,
tears of joy-
tears of a Daughter.
She said, " I've felt alone,
an emptiness inside of me. I
see now the love that is all
around me. They cry for me,
but I feel no pain. Please God
let them know I am in my Father's
house."

The angels gathered around,
and sang a praise of her return.
Her life would heal many and
her death not in vain.

~In loving memory of Adrianna.
May she always live in our hearts.

Astral Projection about Getting Married

From Journal Entry Summer of 2000

I travel through the sky looking at the beautiful scenery below. A lake and pine trees mixed with a background of sunset colors. I then walk through a building to a woman sitting at a pillar. She asks me, "What do you want?" I reply, "I want to know what have I done?" She says, "No you don't. Some are really gruesome." She suggest, "What else do you want?" I reply, "I don't know." I then end up in a doctor's office. A woman at the front desk tells me the nurse is in a bad mood. I demand to know where she is. I go and find her. I find her down the hall to a door on the left. She says, "What do you want?" I respond, "I want a check up from the neck up." She sighs, "Come on Michelle, you know I can't do that." I finally just say, "A physical." She proceeds to give me a physical. I hear her say some numbers and she tells me, "You need to talk to Mary Ann Wisely."

When I woke up I picked apart every detail I remembered. The question what have I done was in reference to my past lives. I wanted to know what my karma was from the past. I was told I don't want to know. Not that I wasn't allowed to know, just that it wasn't in my best interest to know at that time. When I told the nurse I wanted a check up from the neck up I felt kinda like a crazy lady. For one, being in a projection feels like reality but a different reality, and secondly, in real life I'm always doubting myself and those experiences. Sometimes I feel I am crazy. When the nurse told me to talk to a woman named Mary Ann Wisely, what she really meant literally was to marry and wisely. I did take the advice and married wisely.

My Conversations with God on Marriage

I bare your burdens and your hurts. Instead of your faults, I see the light that burns within you. The dweller inside stands at the threshold. Guard what I have given you. Stand in mercy and in truth. Haste not in time, instead let it unfold with care and awareness. Love tenderly and open yourself up to be vulnerable. Resolve your karma with the other. Union in my eyes is sacred. This sacrament is imperative to a souls progress. Forgive the other when one needs to be forgiven. Atone for your own actions and be forgiven. This is your commitment to me. By giving of yourself in marriage, together burdens are shared and carried.

~God

Poem- Divinity

He grew with his angel,
and suckled at her breast.
Two worlds apart,
unable to join them together.

Poem- Broken Angel

She lives in a world
only she understands.
Her pain buried deep
scars on her hands.

Her wings clipped
by others abuse.
They serve no purpose
no longer used.

Her dreams
to rise above it all.
Instead she only
continues to fall.

The years of neglect
have left her lost.
She'll risk everything
at all cost.

She yearns for a heart
mended not torn.
She waits til the day
she can be reborn.

Poem- The Dance

He lured her there,

Enticing her spirit.
The dance had its own rhythm.
Its movement followed the scent
of animal instinct.
The energy invoked was primitive.
She had memorized the dance.
This ancient ritual had its own language.
It took on a force of its own.
The urge possessed them both.
The heat from the sun,
she possessed.
The moon he owned.
When both their worlds merged,
a new one was born.

Dream of Car Accident

From Journal Entry 8/8/02

My husband and I are in our Suburban. We're four-wheelin' in a canyon. The ride is smooth, the scenery beautiful. We're both engrossed in the scene and we don't notice the drop up ahead. It's too late and my husband jumps out. In slow motion, I prepare myself for the fall. I say, "Okay here we go God." As the vehicle slowly hits the canyon floor, I release my seat belt and fall to the ground about 50 ft. I think I have survived. I do not move.

This dream felt so real that I didn't ignore it's warning. I kept the dream in the forefront on my mind. My husband and I got married on Christmas Eve in 2002. We decided to go to Vegas for our Honeymoon but not until April. We happened to be in Vegas Easter weekend. We left Vegas on Easter and headed back home.

We had just acquired a 1987 Four Runner a week before our trip, and decided at the last minute to drive it. We were on the I-40 East and we were 3 hours from home. When we got to the exit for Flagstaff we pulled over and flipped a coin. Heads we go home, tales we go to Flagstaff. It was tales, so we drove on to Flagstaff.

When we got to our Hotel Monte Vista in Flagstaff, we talked about waking up in the morning and driving on to the Grand Canyon. We went out to dinner where I had a couple glasses of wine and we went to the bar inside the hotel. We had conversation with the bartender and he told us the hotel was haunted. My husband shared with him how his grandfather was a bartender at the same bar back in the day. We only stayed a short time and headed back upstairs to our room.

That night we got the video camera out and my husband video taped me jumping on the bed. I played on the ghost stories we heard earlier and began mocking the spirits. (I was foolish and drunk.) I remember lying down and getting back up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. I was feeling sick. I don't remember anything after that. I had blacked out and my husband was holding me calling out my name when I came to. He said it scared him so bad he wanted to call 911. I had told him not to.

The next morning I was still groggy and had a pounding headache. I just wanted to go home. We packed our things, ate breakfast, and left. We were southbound on the I-17 30 miles when without warning our left rear tire blew. We began flipping several times. It seemed like it was happening in slow motion. I remember grabbing the handle above my window and saying to myself, "Okay here we go God." The roof "V"ed in and the driver's side window shattered. My husband hit his head on the roof and his elbow grinded against the asphalt. When the vehicle finally did stop we just looked at each other and said, "Are you okay?" We were amazed that we alright. We released our seat belts and climbed out through the broken windshield. A woman was racing toward us shouting, "Is everyone okay?" She happened to be an off duty nurse.

We were both taken to Flagstaff Medical Center where my husband spent 3 days in ICU. The steel from the roof of the Four Runner had left him with a huge gash to his head with his skull exposed. His left elbow had been grinded down to the bone. I only had a small bruise on my shin. The nurses were in disbelief that I had no injuries from such a violent accident.
Reflecting back we were very fortunate to be alive. Because we drove an older model Four Runner it had the Roll Bar in it. The four runner had flipped a total of 5 times. During the event it landed on top of the guard rail, and proceeded to flip down the highway. If we had gone over the guard rail, it is a straight drop down to the canyon floor. My husband shared with me the story of how his grandfather (the one who had worked at the hotel bar) had died on that same stretch of freeway in an automobile accident. I told my husband I felt a presence with us that day. Maybe it was his grandfather.

Whether or not mocking the ghosts from the night before had anything to do with the accident, I don't know. One can only speculate. Needless to say I have respect for the dead now.

Poem- The Butterfly

I long to be transformed
spirit renewed
A polarity of opposites
battling it out inside of me
My worst fears speak to me
Their language sets my soul on fire
Engulfed in flames
my flesh falls away
I am bones
I am horrified
The ringlets of stench
rise in the air
The pungent smell is repulsive to me
It is more than I can bare
My bones fall away to the earth
I am spirit
Still moving about
No pain
A butterfly perches on my bones
Flapping vigorously its wings
Inviting more to come
I watch in wonderment as a colorful
blanket covers what's left of me
I think how beautiful the display
I forget about my fear
I am in complete awe
I imagine my spirit being the butterfly
My soul takes flight
Wings of gold, red, yellow, and blue
are my attire
I leave behind what is left of me
No sadness
The sky calling me
I fly towards the sun
A renascence of knowing
I am returning home

Poem- In Death

She lays there,
Preserving the way of the living.
Grief pounding at the door,
She mourns no more.

Poem- Inhale

My first inhale is of you.
For a moment I am complete.
My first exhale escapes me.
I try to chase its essence.
I fail to recognize-
that where it all began,
it all will end.

How to Astral Project

Astral projection is an out of body experience. This is a basic step by step guide to willfully dissociate consciousness from the physical body. There's a lot to gain from astral travel. The possibilities are limitless. The astral world is made up of thought forms of human desire and imagination.
You want to have a clear space with no distractions. It also helps to be at your best physically. Being healthy aids in the flow of energy. The key to a successful journey is intention and relaxation. It will be more helpful to focus on where you are going. When targeting a person or place in ordinary reality focus and try to hold the image of the person or place you have in mind. When you are fully relaxed:
1. Visualize your second self
2. Notice details of yourself
3. Let your consciousness flow to your second self
4. Scan the place around you
5. Move about the room
6. Consider further explorations in your new vehicle.
Move through your house, the neighborhood, or you may target a person or place at a distance and journey to them.
My experience with leaving the body is I usually feel a sudden jolt. At first you may feel frightened when there is the realization that you are detached from your body. Then the next thing that will happen to me is I'll feel like I'm zooming upwards through a tunnel of stars at lightning speed. Within a few seconds I will arrive at my destination.
There is a vast amount of knowledge located on the astral plane. There are esoteric schools, libraries, the house of time (where you can travel backwards and forward in time), and much more.
Conscious dreaming is an excellent preparation for the challenges that lie before you in this life and for the challenges of the journey you will make after death.

Resources~Dream Gates, Robert Moss

Poem- The River

I watch the river as it flows by,
branches glide on its surface.
Stillness surrounds me-
I am in my being.
Observing,
Witness to its movement.
Direction,
Coming and going.
I am empty.
No space to occupy my thoughts-
I watch them pass by.
I tend to no thing.
I don't have to-
My spirit requires nothing.

My Story

The story of my life stalks me. It begs me to write it, breathe it, feel it, move with it. It gives birth to images-daydreams of my being. My essence moves in the space of silence. Its creator me. Its music plays in my heart- a kaleidoscope of emotions from recklessness to passion shadow me. I can not measure its degree. They take hold of me and keep me captive. They wait til I pick up the pen and then they release their fury.

Poem- The Swing

A sudden push,
A sudden release.
Flying high above the trees.
Silence speaks,
A brief encounter with eternity.

No wants,
No needs.
My heart skips a beat.
Secrets deep,
Nature embraced on the swing.

Poem-Me

As I shred my self to pieces- to the core of who I am. I find strength and an image of a woman unknown to me. One by one my barriers crumble. My confidence pulls me into a new direction. I am enlightened. My life experiences speak to me in a new light. A reflection in the mirror of the part of me hidden from view. I marvel at her grace and attitude. She is me waiting to be born.

My Dream of Jesus Christ

From Journal Entry 10/2/03

During this time in my life I had a falling out with my brother. I had a lot of guilt about what had happened and was deeply saddened by the end results. The following dream came to me after many prayers for forgiveness.

I was standing in a beautiful temple. A person met me at the entrance and asked, "Who do you want to see?" I replied, "Jesus." Jesus stood in the center of the temple. He had shoulder length dirty blond hair, thin, average heighth, and the most amazing piercing blue eyes. Another woman was there waiting to speak to Jesus. She was very anxious to talk to Jesus. I let her go before me. As I am waiting I could sense that Jesus could read my thoughts. I felt nervous probably because I felt an attraction to him. I thought to myself I shouldn't be having these thoughts. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I woke up before I talked to him.

What makes a dream spiritually meaningful is its power to bring people closer to the sacred. As the dreamer I experienced an intimate bond with Jesus. My passion to know more about his teachings was greater after I had the dream. I also was able to forgive and began the healing process I desperately desired.

Healing dreams are mostly superconscious in origin. They may occur in your bed, nature, or in a temple. It may be a direct touch by an angel or symbolized as a visit from a doctor, priest, or unknown loving being. You may be given a shot, herb, pill, operation, or a beam of light. Sometimes your given instructions to aid your recovery. These healings are a direct result of prayers.

Note~ I choose the picture of Jesus above because of the eyes.

Reference~Spiritual Dreaming by Kelly Bulkeley

Poem-One More Day

Eternity briefly opens up.
You can choose to stay or chose to go.
You choose your destiny,
The fork in the road.

Your life review is very brief.
The emotions you go through-
will feel like eternity.

From every heart felt moment
that was bitter sweet-
To the crippling times that made you weep.

Every detail you relive again.
Until you meet yourself at the end.

And in that moment when you are through,
You realize there was so much you still didn't do.

If only you could have one more chance-
You'd be more honest with that one friend.

You'd share your thoughts with those you loved.
And tell them to fight and never give up.

You'd apologize to those you've hurt.
And make mends to those you've burned.

If given just one more day,
You could say all the things you need to say.

So as you stand at the fork in the road,
One door you will have to close.

One road leads you back again,
the other you can forgive.
The choice is yours my friend.

My Dream of God

Journal Entry 5/18/09

I was outside listening to the wind. I noticed the silence in between the space of the wind. I felt God in that space. I acknowledged his presence.

My revelation about the dream was that in the silence there was tremendous power. We tend to place God outside of ourselves or around us. We don't place God within ourselves. In the dream it was as if God and I shared one breath. The enormous implication is that there is a world of higher consciousness that surrounds us. All we have to do is open ourselves up to it!

My Conversations with God on Dharma

Be true to yourself. You will be misunderstood and judged. Those who persecute you will be the same ones that will follow you. Lead the way to me. It is a hard road to travel. At times you will feel lonely and forgotten, but I am always with you. They will percieve only with their eyes. You perceive with your heart. Help them to open their heart with gentlelness and patience. Like a shepherd tending to his flock of sheep, you must watch and guard those who need protection and guidance. What you fill yourself with, you will fill them with. So be diligent in your words and actions. Let your presence radiant my love. Let it penetrate each soul, that its light reaches heaven. By following your dharma child, you move a nation closer to me. And I am pleased and also am moved by your unwavering faith and obedience.

Note~Dharma is a Hindu concept that refers both to cosmic law and to the duty of conforming to that law or to your own nature as a manifestation of that law.

~God

My Past Life Dream of my Husband

My husband and I were going through a rough time in our marriage. I had prayed for insight to our problems and this is the dream I had. In my mind's eye I could see his face throughout the dream. Both men represent aspects of my husband.

From Journal Entry 12/4/2008

I'm in the Middle East, late 1800's. I'm there for a short time. I have traveled here by myself from the states. I am there as a journalist. I have a fiance in the states. I don't want to marry him. He has political power. He is controlling and very charming. The ruler of the country I am in notices me. He tries to persuade me to stay with him. I don't wish too. There are merchant tents in the hub where I'm at. I walk around to look at dresses. A Victorian dress catches my eye. It is ruby red. I try the dress on. I see this as my wedding dress. I take it off and cry. When it is time for me to leave, the ruler of the country tries to stop me. He sends his men after me. I wake up.

I knew this was unresolved karma we needed to work out. I shared this dream with my husband. I asked him if he felt I didn't want to marry him. His response was in fact yes. He felt I married him for other reasons. I reassured him that I did want to marry him and I deeply loved him. We were able to also talk about the other issues of the dream. I did in fact feel controlled by him and needed more space. Our relationship moved into a new direction from there.

Old fashion clothing and background setting is a clue on whether or not your seeing a glimpse of a past life. The theme that repeats itself most in these dreams is one of failure to forgive, trust, or love another in a previous lifetime. This is a reoccuring block with that person. The dream may depict original cause of the problem so you may understand and forgive.

Notes~the Victorian period was between 1837-1901

Resources~The Mystical Magical Marvelous World of Dreams, Wilda Tanner

Poem-My Teacher

You are my teacher,
the wind swirling around me.
I am caught up in your healing,
and it is healing me.
The bridge between our two worlds
is as ancient as the sea.
The light blinding my eyes,
so I have to adjust my eyes to see.
My heart expanding,
and the more I believe.
Love never dies,
it transforms the world around me.

My Angel Visit

When I was 22 I came to my "fork in the road." I was in a dark place. I knew if I continued on my path a part of my soul I would lose. I prayed to God to give me courage and strength to leave the situation I was in. More importantly I asked for a clear sign that God was in fact "real."

After a night of tears and prayers, I was depleted. I had nothing left in me. I gave up. My mind quiet and body exhausted, I felt a tickle on the back of my neck. It felt like a butterfly had brushed up against me and was now fluttering. I then heard a voice, my own voice in my head. It said, "I am with you." I said to the voice, "I am scared what do I do?" The voice replied, "Follow your heart."

With that message, I waited until daylight and told the person I was involved with at the time, I was done! He said he didn't want to hurt me and to go lock myself in the bathroom. I did. When he was gone I went to the neighbors and only returned to collect my things. I left and never looked back. I was free!

Hearing the voice of God and the angels is called "clairaudience", or "clear hearing." The voice may sound like your own or it may sound different. The voice can emanate from within your body, your mind, or sound as if it's outside your head.

Angels also communicate through "clairvoyane" or "clear seeing." These are mental images. Another way is "clairsentience" or "clear feeling." This is your gut feeling or hunches. The last way the Angels can communicate is through "claircognizance" or "clear knowing." This is when you know without knowing how you know.

I never doubted God again. I know he sent an Angel to save me. I had been reborn. I have learned to trust my feelings and intuition. If I need guidance I pray to God. He always hears me!

Resources~Doreen Virtue http://www.spiritlibrary.com/

My Prayers

Praying is so important to do throughout the day. I am constantly praying. Whether it be for my loved ones or the homeless guy I notice on the street, or for guidance. How you pray and your attitude are the key ingredients for a good prayer.

By definition a prayer is an energy or power that emanates out from us in all directions. Everything we expect, good or bad, conscious or unconscious, we are helping to bring into being.

There are two types of prayers that most of us use in our misunderstanding of God's nature. A prayer that asks God to intervene, assumes that God can intervene, but only if he decides to honor our request. The second, a prayer that assumes that God is ready and willing but has set up the laws of human existence, so that whether the request is fulfilled depends in some part on the certainty of our belief that it will be done.

Our field of prayer act very quickly to bring us exactly what we expect. When we go into these negative expectations, our prayer field collapses, because we lose our connection with the Divine. Pray with clear intent and an outpouring of love. Prayers should be affirmations and not requests. Become detached from all outcomes so to open yourself up to the synchronicity that can guide you to a true direction to go in.

God speaks to us in many ways. I often will be sent a message in a dream, or a series of events (synchronicity) will guide me as to what to do. Be open to all possibilities and truly love!


Resource~Celestine Prophecy

My Thoughts

~Fearless requires presence.
~I'm trying to get to the root of me. The process is painful.
~When in despair, retreat within.
~Heal my heart God, so I can deeply love.
~Your my silent joy. Your well being requires nothing. Your thirst for truth keeps the desert from being barren.
~The more I understand my dreams, the better I can navigate my life.
~When you listen with your heart you hear the truth.

My Conversations with God on Purpose

Everything you do should have meaning and purpose. It should be directed above. It should rise up in you and spill out joy. It should be effortless and balanced in the middle of pain and happiness. It should not be the ends of a means, or the beginning of some thing. It is the journey of the soul traveled; timeless, complete in me- not of me. Don't make me an idol to be worshipped. Be worthy as I have made you worthy. Prepare to join me above. For now may I dwell in your heart- until once again we come together for all eternity.

~God

My UFO Sighting

On September 14, 1998 My neighbor and I saw 3 strange lights in the sky. It was summer in Phoenix about 8 PM. I was living in an apartment on the 4th floor. I had a balcony facing the west sky. My neighbor was over and we both were out on the balcony. To my amazement we saw 3 orbs in the sky. They were in a horizontal line formation at first. Then they began moving irregularly, but they conformed to a linear movement. The speed of the orbs movement was quick, like a jolt. Their brightness would vary from really bright to dim. This went on for 15-2o minutes. Then they took off at lightning speed and were gone.

The next night I went out on the balcony at the same time. I couldn't believe it! The orbs were back. I was by myself, so no one could witness what I saw. The UFOs moved in the same fashion.

The Phoenix lights were first witnessed by thousands on March 13, 1997. They were seen again on April 21, 2008. Some say it was a hoax, others say the military was doing an experiment. I know what I witnessed, I can't explain. Needless to say I'm always looking up!




Resources~www.ufocasebook.com/phoenixlights

Astral Drifting

From Journal Entry May 14, 1999

I'm standing in front of a house, ringing the doorbell. A woman answers the door. She is 35-40 years old with short black hair, and not that attractive. Four guys are sitting in the living room watching T.V. The woman asks who I am. I reply, "I'm Madison-this is an astral projection." I said it with attitude. She says she doesn't know whom I am. I respond by saying, "Someone wished me here and I want to know who did." She acted as if she didn't understand. She finally says, "Your out of your body- and if you don't figure this out it will eat at you until you die." I suddenly was jolted back into my body.

In its usual state, your consciousness has three vehicles: The physical body, the astral (emotional) body, and the mental body. In astral projection, part of the astral body remains with the physical body to keep it functioning, and part of the substance of the astral body goes forth. You can go wherever you desire in your astral body. Since it is the astral body it is governed by emotions.

When you find yourself anywhere without any volition (clear intent) whatever, this is called drifting. These people are referred to as "astral drifters." In the beginning that's what I was. I simply wanted to experiment and did so foolishly.

I will blog more about the different levels of the astral plane and etheric plane. There are different degrees depending on vibration. There are techniques I use to execute a projection. I will also explain the astral plane and what happens after death depending on your vibration in relation to the astral and etheric plane.

Resources~ Messages from Heaven by Patricia Kirmond Astral Projection by Denning & Phillips

Poem- Coat of Arms

I'm not all put together,
tied up in a pretty bow-
I have flaws that I tend not to show.
I know my limitations that keep my ego in check-
It keeps me humble knowing I'm not perfect.
My wounds inside of me run deep-
I keep them hidden so no one will see.
I admit I don't know it all,
and in God's presence I will most likely fall.
Humility is my coat of arms,
it keeps me from inflicting any harm.
My vulnerability creates my honesty,
and in all my relations I create intimacy.
My imperfections are what makes me complete,
and in God's eyes there is nothing I lack or need.

Tonglen Meditation

For years I have used this meditation to empty myself of my pain. By ridding yourself of pain, you make room for joy. This meditation always brings me to tears, but afterwards I feel a profound connectedness with the Universe.
Tonglen is the meditative practice of taking in the suffering of others and sending back love and peace. In order to develop true compassion we must be familiar with suffering. It means we explore what causes heartache or pain to others. This act is not the same as inviting pain into your life- it is the act of trying to feel as he or she does. Tonglen invites his/her pain away, transmutes it into love and tenderness, and sends it back in a warm bath of love.
Step 1- Breathe in suffering. The worst thing that ever happened to you. That thing you wish you could take back. Recapitulate it in breaths.
Step 2- Now breathe out joy, soothing golden warmth. See joy, feel joy, hear joy. Now do it for other people's suffering. Start with someone you care for. Visualize them sitting directly in front of you. Inhale his/her agony. Exhale comfort and transformation. Turn it into light and give back compassion and tenderness. Eventually expand out to acquaintances, people you've never met, remote communities and countries in need.
To learn more about the pain body and its role with the ego, I recommend reading, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

Resources~ http://www.whitehottruth.com/
www.squidoo.com/tonglen

Poem-My Codega

I let my fear subside and worries melt away,
My Codega walks with me guiding my way.

The shadows creep in the corners of the night,
My Codega shines his lantern and it becomes a guiding light.

The unseen turns that greet me up ahead,
My Codega assures me I'm not alone-we are good friends.

The sky greets me with loud cursing and rage,
My Codega speaks softly keeping me secure and safe.

The mountain that seems impossible to climb,
My Codega takes the path that isn't easy to find.

The ascending trail that does havoc on my feet,
My Codega soothes them-his strength runs deep.

The howl of a wild animal carried on the wind frightens me,
My Codega carries his own tune and begins to sing.

My blistered hands and parched throat makes it hard to bare,
My Codega is there to wipe my tears.

When I arrive at my final destination,
My Codega is there to join with me in celebration.

~My Codega (Italian) means someone who walks in front of you with a lantern, showing you the way, bringing you protection and confidence.

Poem- I Am

I am a woman.
I am not flawless,
I am stained.
I am not simple,
nor am I plain.

I am a girl.
I am playful,
I am shamed.
I am forgiven,
with no blame.

I am a lady.
I am desired,
I am craved.
I am pretty,
like a dame.

I am a bitch.
I am argumentative,
I am two faced.
I am crazy,
and insane.

I am a friend.
I am loyal,
I do not hate.
I am weak,
I am your strength.

Premonition of Woman in SUV

I work nights p/t as a caregiver. On March 29 I left for work at 9:50 pm. Before I left I noticed my dome light on in my 2004 Suburban. I asked my husband to turn it off for me because I couldn't get it to turn off.

When I left I got a block away and I felt kicking from behind me (as if someone was kicking my seat). It persisted to the point where I felt that someone was in my car with me. I pulled over and opened my door. The dome light now would not come on for me. It was hard to see anything behind my seat. I dismissed it as my imagination and got back in my car. The sensation of kicking continued. I thought to my self this is crazy! I then said ok God what ever is happening please make it stop, it's freaking me out!

Then scenarios began to play in my mind of what would I do if someone was hiding in my car? I thought to myself I'd honk my horn, put my windows down and scream. I'd do what ever it takes to get out of the car. It wasn't until I got to work 10 min. later I felt calm.

I didn't think twice about it until the next morning when I got home and turned the news on. And to my surprise a woman in a SUV two 1/2 hrs after my experience had a encounter with a man hiding behind her seat! I got goose bumps. The news report said she drove into oncoming traffic and got out of her car.

A premonition is defined as a type of prophecy consisting of a warning of a future event. It is characterized by sensations as anxiety, distress, and uneasiness. It tends to occur prior to disasters, accidents, deaths, and other emotionally charged events.

I've had premonitions before but nothing quite like this. I don't know why I felt what this woman must have felt. The newspaper article never gave her name. The eerie coincidence is that she drove a SUV too.


Resources~
Police: Man kidnapped woman after hiding in SUV 3/30/10 http://www.azcentral.com/
http://www.themystica.com/

Poem- Date with Fate

I can finally let go of all my heart's desires,
all of my dreams.
I can let go of everything I hoped for,
and all the in between.
I can only remember how it use to be.
I can only let my thoughts wander to the
future I have not seen.
The way things are and all I hoped for,
I reach for them no more.
My destiny is my sealed fate, and for
that I don't want to be late.

My Animal Spirit Guide

From Journal Entry: Oct. 8, 1997

I was 22 when I met my animal spirit guide. I was in a dark place in my life and desperately wanted change. I started listening to coast to coast am with Art Bell. (It's about paranormal activity, conspiracy theories, etc). It's not hard to start experiencing things out of the realm of normal reality when you listened to his show. I had Art Bell's show turned on which probably triggered my altered state of reality. That's when I saw the shadow of a wolf on my wall. It paced back and forth a few times and was gone. It startled me and I was frightened. But there was a "knowing" that it was my animal guide and the spirit had chosen me.

There are four types of Animal Guides:

Messenger Guide- The message can be spiritual in nature or warning and it quickly leaves one when the message is understood.

Shadow Animal Guide- It is one that invades you with fear. Its purpose is to teach a lesson you have not learned from repeated mistakes. It can help you overcome fear by bringing truth. It usually appears during a time of testing.

Journey Animal Guide- It appears at the fork in the road of your life. It can be a friendly traveling companion if the path is right. It remains by your side until current life cycle has changed. The path may take months or years to complete.

Life Animal Guide- It remains with you throughout your life. You may have more than one Life Guide. The animal spirit chooses you.

Each animal has its own wisdom and skill. The wolf spirit teaches us to have balance between personal needs and those of the family and community. Wolves are loyal to the pack. They communicate by body language and vocally. The wolf teaches us to know who we are and develop strength and confidence, respect our emotions, and face the darkness within.

Resources~ www.manataka.org

The Old Hag

When I was about 7 or 8 is when the attacks began. It would begin where I couldn't move, as if someone or something was holding me down. I would try to yell for my mom, but was unable to speak. I felt pressure on my chest and felt hands around my neck (like I was being choked). When it was happening I would try to wake up. I was terrified as I couldn't see anything in the room with me. I don't know how long the attack lasted and I would often wake up in the morning to find myself and all my bedding on the floor. This happened several times over the years.

I've come to learn that this is known as the Old Hag Syndrome. In many cultures it's believed that a nightmare spirit (witch) would torment children at night. The scientific community calls it sleep paralysis (sp). This is when you have temporary paralysis of the body. It's explained away as a hallucination. It doesn't change the fact that it felt real to me.

When I moved away from home at 15, I thought I was free from the Old Hag. Little did I know that again she would follow me to Phoenix. I wouldn't be visited by her until I was 22. I'll write another blog about it later.

Resources~ www.castleofspirits.com

Morning Soul

I began my first blog by giving you the reader some info. about myself. Everyday a have the same routine. I wake up around 7 am to get my son off to school. I have a cup of coffee w/ toast or muffin, and watch GMA. I then put aside 30 min to do yoga or my elliptical trainer. During my workout I listen to music. Music is a way of engaging soul into everyday life. I like to listen to Casting Crowns, City of Angels, or Enigma. Sometimes I will rock out!! But it's important to center yourself & doing it first thing in the morning is the best time. I then take 10-15 min to meditate (that is about all my 2 yr. old will allow). I usually will just focus on my breathing (watching your chest rise & fall works good if your just starting out). I then visualize a white bubble around me. Doing this gives you protection from any negativity. I then am ready to start my day!