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Thursday, January 20, 2022



It's nice to know
That there's someone there for me
That makes my days better
I was dependant on a man
For so long
And since I met my ex
At a young age
I never knew what true independence
Looked liked
It's hard for me to commit
To someone new
And build a life with someone new
When I feel I'm just finally
Figuring myself out
It almost feels like I waited too long
To face my fears
But every day I'm doing it
I want to feel like a whole person
Because honestly my entire life
I never have
I'm not even sure
What that looks like
I just trust that once I get there
I'll feel it down to my bones
And in my soul
Your support of me knowing myself
Building confidence
Structuring a life that matches my insides
Means a lot to me
Thank you for just reminding me
You are there for me
Thank you for loving me
The way that you do
Thank you for being you

Saturday, January 15, 2022



There's a sadness in her
That no one can see
A sadness due to the phoniness
All around her
Because she holds truth
So close to her heart
It is unbearable for her
To have to swallow
The phoniness in the world
The fake friends
The ones who say they care
But really don't
The false teachers that worship
Everything else but God
They will mislead you
Tell you
You need to give them
More money to be enlightened
The half-truths from politicians
That have their own hidden agenda
And not your best interest
There's a sadness
That surfaces
When she's alone
Contemplating the bigger questions to life
And why on earth
She has to put up with all this phony crap!

Tuesday, January 11, 2022

Twin Flame Dream: Parking Lot


From Journal Entry 12/21/21

I'm at your house. There is a party. Lots of people. Some I know, some I don't know. There's a game being played called, Parking Lot. It's similar to musical chairs. Your wife is at a cash register taking money. I notice large blueprints leaning up against the house. They are huge! You are in the background mingling with others. Everyone is having a good time. I'm watching you from a distance.

I can feel the locks on your dream door
Maybe I helped you put them there
Maybe I just got fed up
With all the promising romance
And adventures you showed me
That you wanted me a part of
But will never actually materialize
Maybe you pretending I no longer exist
would be easier on you
When I do see you now in dreamtime
At a distance
Fading into the background
Busy making big plans for your life
That don't include me
You ignore me
I began to think to myself
While in the dream
I'm the only one awake
Which is sad
Because that tells me
You choose to fall back to sleep
And let your subconscious
Run your life
Me, I'm never going to fall back to sleep
I'll keep pretending I don't care how you treat me
And how I probably need therapy for the rest of my life
From all this crazy twin flame bullshit
And you can keep pretending I don't exist

Friday, January 7, 2022

Deep Aceptance


“Deep acceptance of the way things are

is the source of all creative change.

The perfect paradox."

Being present doesn't mean being passive.

It is totally possible to deeply accept things as they are, be totally present and aligned with the Universe, in an internal state of non-resistance, your heart completely open to the world, your attention deeply rooted in the Now...

... AND to protest powerfully and peacefully against what you see as injustice: to speak out loudly for love, to amplify narratives of unity and tolerance and inclusivity; to fight beautifully alongside your brothers and sisters for a world that burns inside your hearts.

You are filled with the understanding that underneath all our differences we are the same Consciousness, so compassion infuses your cry. 

You have no enemies in your heart, so you are strong. 

You are deeply rooted in the Universe, so you speak not only with your own voice; Nature speaks through you, your ancestors speak through you, Life Intelligence speaks through you, and you are unbreakable.

There is no hatred. No inner war. No internal violence. 

From a place of deep peace, you shine your light of Truth into the world, fighting on behalf of love, not fighting against some imagined darkness.

You are the world's mother, moving without effort to protect your precious children.

Peacefully, now, you rise.~

~Jeff Foster

Monday, January 3, 2022



I've never truly been happy with someone.
Why is that?
I'm happy with myself.
Is that an indication to stay alone?
Why am I so sad if I am happy with who I am?
Do I need therapy?
Am I that broken?
Is love afraid of me?
How do I know when to let my walls down?
Why is it that at the end of my day I feel the safest curled up with my cat in my bed?
Has my past traumas only taught me how to survive?
Only rely on myself?
Be expected to be disappointed?
So much misfortune in love that I mistrust love when it does arrive and sabotage it.
I got so use to the empty space when I was in a twenty-year relationship, that I have to remind myself of the love I deserve.

Wednesday, December 29, 2021

The Life of Kalei- A Shit Show


  Her name was Kalei. I met her in my early 20’s. She gave me a home when I left my abusive boyfriend. She was the medicine my soul needed at that time. There were three of us girls sharing an apartment. Our nightly ritual was tiny wineys and girlie flix with the occasional joint. Those were some of the funnest, best days of my life. 

   Through Kalei, I met my ex-husband (with whom I have two amazing, talented kids with) and my twin flame I met though my ex! I am so thankful to have known such a unique, charismatic, and beautiful woman before drugs destroyed her soul. Her story is a sad one, but I don’t want her to be forgotten in this world. She is the reason for the chain reaction of events that followed my friendship with her. She is the reason my life path took the course it did that led to my spiritual awakening and finding my life’s purpose. May her soul finally have rest.

She was born into a shit show
Mom gave birth to her in prison
She was adopted by an older couple 
With more money than they rightfully deserved
Her father with hidden dark secrets
Strolling parks for young boys
Eventually he got caught
And fled the country
Leaving her alone at 16
Not old enough to legally drink yet
But old enough to get into trouble
Her first lover hung himself
Friends and family blamed her
And drove her out of town
She headed west
To Arizona to start over
Met a tennis player from ASU
But that didn't last
She was use to a certain lifestyle
So her emptiness
Drove her to the stripper stage
Where men were her play things
She learned how to manipulate and control them
She achieved the success she was looking for
But always feeling not pretty enough
Not thin enough
Meth was the answer to all her problems
Use it, lose weight
Look great

It did the trick
Until she became addicted to heroin
And homeless
Performing sex acts for a high
In back alleys and run down motels
She went from a beauty queen
To a used up junkie
Dead at 48
Body found behind an abandoned building
In Reno, Nevada
I loved her
My heart sad when I heard the news
So much potential
So many demons
That in the end

Death gave her the only escape

Friday, December 24, 2021

The Twin Flame Journey- Separation is for Working on Yourself

Let’s talk counterparts and the Twin Flame journey during separation. I have included a picture of The Lovers and The Devil card from the Rider Waite tarot deck. Please notice that in The Lovers card that the female counterpart has her eyes on Divine (Source/God whatever your preference is but for the sake of this, I will use Divine). When the female counterpart is standing in her power as a Divine Feminine, she has her eyes focused on Divine, not her counterpart. She is listening to Divine, she is doing her lightwork, listening to her intuition, and focused on what she is being divinely guided to do. She is working on herself, clearing her energy, doing shadow work, and following her path. She is NOT worried about what her male counterpart is doing. Why? Because it’s none of her business. Separation is for working on yourself, doing what you are guided to do, not worrying about what’s going on in her counterpart’s life. If she is more concerned about what he’s doing, who he’s seeing, when he’ll come back she is not standing in her power. If she is not standing in her power she is not in her DF energy, she is the female counterpart in The Devil card. Notice that she is staring at her counterpart. That’s when everything goes to “hell”. The male counterpart in both cards is looking to his female counterpart. He is always looking to her for guidance, always. As the female counterpart, it is up to her to energetically “guide” her counterpart. If she isn’t standing in her Divine Feminine energy, how can she expect her counterpart to step into his Divine Masculine? As she heals, she energetically pushes him to heal. At the point where both counterparts stand in their Divine power, the DM will take his place as the “leader”.  Until then, it is incumbent on the female counterpart to keep her eyes on Divine and do what she is guided to do. To do everything necessary to step into her DF power. She holds space for her counterpart as he ascends into role as the Divine Masculine. She loves him, she forgives him for the things that he has done before he becomes her DM. ****This does not include abusive behavior. If he is abusive stay away.***** She understands that even though male counterparts do ascend faster than the female, they usually do not have the benefit of knowing what is happening and WILL do things based completely out of ego. She also understands that separation is necessary, not only for him but for her, as well. She spends that time doing her thing, expanding her horizons, loving herself, and finding the joy in her life. She also learns to thrive in her alone time and uses it to ascend into her Divine Feminine. She sends her counterpart love but she does not concern herself with what he’s doing in 3D and out of ego. She leaves everything to Divine and it’s timing.

~Donna Painter, Channeler