Broken Women Are Beautiful

broken women are beautiful. their hearts full of pain and yet they still love deeply. when a woman has suffered greatly, everything in life, from a sunset, a kitten, or a stranger's smile becomes more precious. it's the simple things that remind her of the beauty in the world. she doesn't have to look far- everywhere she goes, she witnesses the unfolding present moment as a gift. suffering she painstakingly desires to shed, intentionally aligning herself with the divinity that resides in her. she knows life is sacred. her experiences taught her this. her beauty can be seen; her heart can be felt when you're in her presence. you want to know her secret. and the secret is simply this: choose the beauty to look at, live in the present, let go of the past.

Sapphire's Letter to Arion: The Memory of You Coming Back Around

I know you won’t admit it, but you miss me. You’re doing a good job keeping my memory alive. So much so, that your thoughts still reach me. I have moved on, keeping the ghost of you alive was doing me no good. I still think of you when I hear a certain song that reminds me of you. I smile on the inside, knowing how my life has been touched by you. I’m a better woman because of you. And even though I may never make sense of how strongly I feel connected to you, I don’t question it anymore. You’re a mystery to me. I’m a mystery to myself. 


These days, these precious moments that define me, I savor. As I have started my life over, I have an overwhelming feeling that everything is going to be okay. I feel happier than I have been in years like a heavyweight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hope all is well with you. I hope you have found the courage to live your life as you see fit. I know many times we have said we’re done, but beloved we are never done. Your everlasting glance into my soul has made you a permanent resident. I dwell in you; you dwell in me. Your love endures beloved, our love endures.


All of my gracious thoughts,

Sapphire

A Spiritual Badass

she stood in the centre of her fire
her bones and soul exposed
what mattered to her wasn't the fight
from her battle with her enemies and surviving it
what mattered was her ability to sustain herself
after a long period of grief and fatigue
her beauty was trusting her own soul
when after being betrayed and left in pain
she still found the inner strength
to rise with the sun and face her enemies
the fear she felt didn't close her off
instead it opened her up
and what spilled out of her
was more compassion
more love
more courage
what the fire tried to destroy
only fortified in her spirit perseverance
and carved out of her a spiritual warrior
a badass that you don't want to mess with

A Gem

when someone unique
comes along
and loves you
back to wholeness
that someone
is a precious gem
who's value
is worth
all the sorrows
your heart had to endure

The Heart's Whisperings

when she's quiet
she's listening
to her heart
getting guidance
on how to love
herself better

Caught In Between

her heart was tired
enslaved by all it's wants
her soul thirsted
for something more
she felt trapped
between desire
for love
and the fear
of becoming
a slave to it

The Naked Truth

According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth, "It's a marvelous day today!" The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful. They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well.

The Lie tells the Truth: "The water is very nice, let's take a bath together!" The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing.

Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage.

The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbours no wish at all to meet the Naked Truth.

Reference ~ The Naked Truth
"The Truth coming out of the Well" Jean-Leon Gerome, 1896

Contagious

you are a beautiful
composition
of craziness
and infinite wonder
covered in tattoos
that match your
heart and soul
magic is all around you
living in you
do you feel it?
others do
that's why they
are drawn to you
hoping to catch
what you got

A Lifetime of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse

i just want to say
how hard it is to move on
from narcissistic abuse
you won’t understand
unless you’ve been
in my shoes
the wounds
don’t leave
just because he did
the mind games
the manipulation
the endless fear and anxiety
that he put you through
destroys a piece of you
and as desperate as you would like
to feel completely whole and healed
the truth is healing is an everyday
commitment to oneself
because let’s be honest
women like myself
will need a lifetime to undo
the damage
and that’s okay
so don’t judge me
for the armor i wear
and the wall built
around my heart
i’m in recovery
and at the same time
awakening to this newfound love
i have for myself
sharing my story
is ultimately what will set me free

Emotional Causes of Physical Pain

Reference~ Instagram@Jakewoodard

Breaking the Cycle

i understand now
that we weren't meant to be together
sorry i wasted all those years
begging you to stay
trying to convince you
that we could work out all our problems
i see now
that the problem clearly was
i loved you too much
and myself too little
i bent over backwards to make you see
just how much i did love you
but you loved yourself more
and me too little
your needs always came first
your happiness was more important
i understand now how loving myself
has drawn the right man to me
and my pattern of attracting
all the wrong men
like yourself
was a result of trying to find
confirmation that i am worthy of love
from broken men
thank goodness i've broken the cycle
now my life can truly begin

Nature

she gathered herself
in the wilderness
because that's where
she felt her heart
open and bloom
she felt connected
to life
to something greater
than herself
gathered up
in a loving embrace
of a thousand invisible arms

Dream Message: Adam's Book

A woman in my dream says, "Don't let one forget those things that are lost."

Shortly after having this dream I began reading, Wheels of a Soul. There's a part in the book that talks about the Great Flood and the Tower of Babel that destroyed the entire world and erased every memory of what happened up to that point. The Bible and the Zohar both record a past civilization that was different than our own and maybe even greater. Did man possess advanced knowledge in ancient times? 

The Zohar explains that God did indeed send down a book to Adam from which Adam became acquainted with the supernal wisdom of the Light. This book was brought down to Adam by the master of mysteries, the Angel Raziel. The book later came into the hands of the "sons of the Lord"- that is, the wise souls of their generation. Whoever was privileged to peruse it acquired the wisdom of the Light and its awesome power. Three angels always accompanied and kept watch over the book so as to prevent its falling into improper hands. When Adam was expelled from the Garden of Eden, he tried to keep the book, but it flew out of his hands. Weeping, he prayed to the Lord for its return. It was given back to him in order that wisdom would not be forgotten, and that mankind might strive to obtain knowledge of The Creator by understanding the Light. Happy are those people of exalted spiritual piety to whom the wisdom has been revealed, and by whom it will never be forgotten. As the Bible states: "The secret of the Lord is with them."

Reference~ Wheels of a Soul by Rav P.S. Berg

Hollow Silence

the silence
was unbearable
as the mind screams
"just make him love me!"
never loud enough
for him to hear you
and so you pretend
everything is okay

Fear

It is said that before entering the sea a river trembles with fear. She looks back at the path she has traveled, from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road, crossing forests, and villages. And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever. But there is no other way. The river can not go back. Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence. The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean, because only then will fear disappear, because that’s where the river will know it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean.

Reference~ Khalil Gibran

The Storybook Castle

you kept all the stones
he threw at you
and every bad memory
locked away
not because you have a hard time
of letting go of things
but because you know
how to build things
out of the negative
and toxic relationship you were in
that's why you used all the stones
to build your storybook castle
with a kick-ass dungeon
if he ever decides to show up
you can throw him in it

The Road

Find your lane. Make space for the flow to show 

itself. Follow the natural rhythm of your life, and

you will discover a force far greater than your own.

- Oprah

Everybody's looking for the future. They're never in the present. So when they arrive at the future, it's not there for them because they're not present for it. If you get the idea that this is the moment that you have, it is the only moment that you have, then you live in the present, and you move with the flow, because this is the point of arrival. Right now.        -Deepak Chopra       

Remember: The most important thing is not what's happening out there. What is primary is your state of consciousness at this moment. That determines what form the future will take. So the important thing to realize is that what happens to you is much less important than how you respond to what happens. That determines the way forward in life.     - Eckhart Tolle

A Letter to My Lover: Will You Join Me?

dear lover,

i am complicated. i am divinity and darkness. i am nothing and everything all at once. i explore boundaries and go beyond them. i am tamed and pretty when i need to be, but wild and unleashed in my spirit. you will want to know me, but i am unknowable. i love to dance in the rain and make love naked under the stars. what you see in me is only a reflection of the love within yourself. my ache to be known stretches beyond my imagination when imagining all the ways you will come to know me. i have wounds, deep wounds, that have carved out the woman i am today. please know if i give myself to you, i am yours, not just for a fleeing moment, but for as long as you'll keep me. the closer you move towards me, the farther away i will want to move from you. but don't let me. i will want to run, but i will be brave if i know you're holding on to me. i need space to grow and expand my soul, this is how you win my heart, by allowing me to explore myself. i need to know you love me unconditionally, and i will test you. can you handle that? i won't hide that deep down i'm a hot mess, but i'm a beautiful mess of imperfections, ingenious, and chaos. do you still want me? if you say yes, then i am screwed, because that means i am falling in love with you. and even though this scares me, i will take the risk and make myself even more vulnerable to you. so what do you say, will you join me?

The 3 Month Point

she kept herself hidden
the woman he saw
was worth every ounce
of affection and effort
she was saving
the best part of herself
for him
he just had to bring her
out of her hiding place
if he could do that
he would own her heart

Before You

she evolved
into a beautiful woman
but what it took
was rough hands, harsh words,
and neglected tears
before you
she was a girl
surviving abuse
from men that said they loved her
she is now the woman
that melts your heart
when she smiles
you don't see her brokenness
or the pain from her battles
all you see is the magic
in her eyes
and the way she makes you feel
more alive than ever before
her evolution
is your security
because women like her
don't take men like you
for granted

If You Stay

dear lover, i hope you decide to stay with me, because i'm done chasing after men begging for their love and affection. just know if you treat me good and if you do stay, i'll love you deep and hard. i hope you can handle that, because I don't do anything half-ass.

Devotion to Oneself

she was alone
and pursued herself
wholeheartedly
not willing
to give up on herself
not willing to settle
for a mediocre version of herself
she was determined
to know herself
to fall in love with herself
and live the rest of her life
discovering the happiness she deserved

Permission to Love

he was the one
she thought about
he was the one
she missed
her heart
struggled to give her
permission to love him
because that would mean
this shit is real

Things Mentally Strong People Do

~ They move on. They don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.

~They keep control. They don’t give away their power.

~They embrace change. They welcome challenges.

~They are kind. They don’t complain. They don’t waste energy on things they can't control.

~They are willing to take calculated risks. They weigh the risks and benefits before taking action.

~They accept full responsibility for their past behaviors. They don’t make the same mistake over and over.

~They celebrate other people's success. They don’t resent that success.

~They are willing to fail. They don’t give up after failing. They see every failure as a chance to improve.

~They are prepared to work and succeed on their own merits. They don’t feel the world owes them anything.

~They have staying power. They don’t expect immediate results.

~They enjoy their time alone. They don’t fear being alone.

~They expend their mental energy wisely. They don’t spend time on unproductive thoughts.

~They think productively. They replace negative thoughts with productive thoughts.

~They tolerate discomfort. They accept their feelings without being controlled by them.

~They reflect on their progress every day. They take time to consider what they've achieved and where they are going.~~

Reference~ https://www.facebook.com/sacred.dreams/photos/a.224532161032540/1489757557843321/?type=3&theater

An Eagle

his thoughts were bent
to do evil
he sought to destroy her
but he could not see
her invisible wings
that gave her the advantage
of seeing from the mountain peak
into the gorges of his heart
she courageously dived down
into them
like an eagle
and soared out of them
untouched and unseen

Shadow Work- Part 3

HEAL YOURSELF

Not deserving love is the consequence of our child’s “logical” mind.
But what caused it was being forbidden to ask for love.

According with the cognitive-behavioral psychology (Carl Jung), we need to forget us for rejecting a part of us, and for thinking that part of us was wrong. We also have to integrate that part on us again for good.

How can we do that? Reliving the memory and altering it by seeing your grown up you in the memory as well, comforting and loving the child you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3V_Gtfr_YA&t=5s


* This is only a guidance from my experience, for you to understand the process, you must do the steps your own way*

So, go to that moment when your mom forbade you to ask for love:

- Take a sit in front of a mirror (close enough to see yourself up close).
- Relax, take a deep breath.
- Look at yourself in the mirror, through the eyes.
- Look for your child in your reflection, in your eyes.  Look at yourself, observe you. With no judgement. Do not look at your face, look inside of you.

- Close your eyes and meditate.
- Go to the moment when your mom forbade you to ask for love, the memory you recovered on meditation.
- See your grownup-self inside the memory, you are near to your child-self.
- Recognize your child-self feelings: fear of not deserve love, fear of mom not loving you, fear of disappear.
- It is only a little child who needs love.
- Feel the compassion, feel the unconditional love towards your child-self.
- Hug you, tell you you are worthy, you deserve love.
- Ask you for forgiveness.
- Forgiveness for mistreat yourself, for banned yourself, for deny yourself.
- Tell you how much you love you.

Reference- Ana Barrios, https://myownpathwalker.blogspot.com

Shadow Work- Part 2

LET’S START WORK!

A) KNOW YOURSELF

https://youtu.be/vGsrQ_Dx5Mc

1. Observe your triggers: Triggers will appear in your relationships.
2. Triggers will put you in front of the mirror: The things we hate the most in other people are actually inside us, at least in a symbolic way. To put it in another way, what we dislike in others is also what we dislike about ourselves.
Mirror theory can act in a direct or inverse way. Let’s take an example. Say you can’t stand how selfish your friend is. In a direct way, you may be projecting the selfish part of you that you refuse to see. On the other hand, in an inverse way, they might be reflecting how selfless you are. Maybe you’re always caring for others and forgetting yourself. Either way it is valuable information if you want to get to know yourself and grow.
https://exploringyourmind.com/mirror-theory-wounds-relationships/
Same happens with the things you LOVE most in other people. That parts you admire, are in you, but you suppressed them.
3. Mirror will give you a hint: Maybe you feel not being loved and you are triggered when you see something that points to a lack of love towards you in someone close to you. What you feel is what you fear. You are afraid of not being loved.
4. Realize how that fear (not being loved) interferes with your life. Maybe you are deliberately choosing people that mistreat you and are not loving at you as you wish, or keeping you stuck in toxic relationships, lowering your self-esteem, etc.
5. Meditate about that feeling:
        a. Why this part of your shadow exists?
        b. When you use to have that same feeling? In which situations?
        c. When was the first time you experienced that feeling? Allow your unconscious to give you the answer, the memory, maybe it will come in your dreams, maybe during meditation, maybe something came up in your mind suddenly.
6. Observe your memory: Maybe you were not properly nurtured as a child, maybe your mother had postpartum depression and rejected you many times when you tried to hug her, reacting with anger towards you.
7. Understand what happened in your mind at that time:
A child’s mind does not work as a grown up’s mind. Those situations, in a child’s mind make the child thinks her mother will be anger if he/she continues asking for love, so mom will not provide. If mom will not provide, the child will die.
Yes, that is how our mind works when we are a child, we are absolutely dependable on our parents, our mind is set up for survival. We survive if mom and dad provide. Maybe they do not love us, but if we have food, we can survive.

The logical consequence for a child is thinking: "If I do ask for love, I will die."

So, to survive, we reject the clingy-needy part of us.
There is a split in our consciousness, in our ego:
So now, I am me, and my clingy-needy part of me is not me anymore. At least that is what we thought.
That part never disappears, it is hidden from us in our subconscious mind, our shadow, and it will take control over us when a trigger occurs, without us realizing about why we are behaving like that.

We have fragmented our ego.
That fragmentation happens on each one of us, human beings.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeUlPO2iXb4

8. Analyze how those facts affect your conception of yourself: And why the child cannot ask for love? Because he is not worthy of it, he does not deserve it. That is how a child’s mind works.

So, you develop this intense BELIEVE (paradigm) of not being worthy of love.
The natural behave, if you do not deserve being loved, is nothing but surrounding yourself by people that do not love you, or being in a toxic relationship, or…)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGQudacvgsA


Now, you have the point, you know where the root cause is. You know why you are triggered by certain situations. ANd you know when it did start.
But, how to heal that for good?
You must “reprogram” yourself on actually being worthy of love
How?

Reference- Ana Barrios, https://myownpathwalker.blogspot.com

Shadow Work- Part 1

WHAT SHADOW WORK IS AND HOW CAN IT HELP YOU
Shadow work is the integration of your subconscious mind (Carl Jung) into your conscious mind. To accept your personality traits that you have disowned during your childhood in order to being loved.

You rejected a part of yourself that was not allowed, or was perceived as "wrong". You can perceive it as a behavior "not screaming out loud", "not get your clothes dirty". But to get along again with your mom, to not repeat that behavior again, you had to banish a full part of your personality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s8I3yq-Kmo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHPI6LucOo0&t=89s


WHY SHADOW WORK? You just have to be positive!!
Many people think shadow work will only focus you in the “bad” parts of your life and that will call more “bad” things to your life. That is a wrong misconception of the Law of Attraction:

If you have a physical wound, being positive about it won’t heal it.
This is the same, you have to heal yourself first.

Positive focus works on everything, except for the things that you are trying to use positive focus to avoid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUfEA4yVMMk

RECOGNIZE YOURSELF: How Your Childhood Affects Your Adult Relationships
Some examples that can help you recognizing your triggers and the origin of them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZdRpEKYE9M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vk-pRQSxGSs

Reference- Ana Barrios, https://myownpathwalker.blogspot.com

A New Chapter

sweetheart, i want to remind you of who you are. you are fearless in the face of monsters. you always stand up for what you believe in, even when you know you will be ridiculed for it. you speak your mind because your convictions are the core of who you are. they define your soul, and this terrifies those who have no real power. your sight is sharp; it pierces through the lies others try to serve you. you see through their deception because your intuition is strong, your power of discernment remarkable. you know truth when you hear it, it vibrates through your being. you’ve left behind your self-doubt, insecurities, and all illusions you had about yourself. you're finally ready to embrace the woman you truly are and always have been. when you started believing in yourself, something in you shifted. you're now on a path to happiness and peace. no more wars, darling. no more monsters to fight at night. a new chapter has begun!

Introduction To Shadow Work

“Shadow work is the path of the Heart Warrior” – Carl Jung

   You know when something triggers some dark part of you, and you over-react, so no one understands you, or everyone says you are being dramatic? When you cannot stand yourself and you only want to go sleep.

   That is what happens when your shadows take the lead:

Shadows are the parts of your personality that you rejected during your life (mostly your childhood) and banished to your subconscious. Those parts emerge out of control when something triggers them and take the lead of your behavior.
   Like when you are an adult, constantly seeking for love, having toxic relationships, or wining to someone because you need him/her to be more affectionate or love-expressing.
That comes, most probably, from a childhood where your parents didn't give you the love you needed (or not enough love as you demanded).
   Those shadows, those traits of your personality that you banned from you, are the hidden parts of you that don't allow you to be happy. To be complete. To feel you are not alone.      Why? Because you are rejecting a part of you, you are not loving yourself, but the idea of yourself.
   So, before going super mystic it is a necessity doing your own shadow work.
   It will be tough, cannot fool you. You must look at your true self at the mirror without any filters. You must acknowledge, accept and integrate into you something that you have suppressed into your subconscious mind, because you have rejected it, or disowned it, or denied, mostly, due to being loved, or survive.

Reference- Ana Barrios, https://myownpathwalker.blogspot.com

Your Desire Is Coming

you have the power
to let the thoughts
of him die
you have the right
to move on
you don't need
anyone's permission
you've proven to yourself
and everyone around you
that you are a woman
capable of making decisions
on your own
and better equipped now
of choosing a better man
to share your life with
soon, you will see
your desire for true love
coming to you
soon, you will forget
the love that robbed you

What I Deserve

i thought your leaving
would be the end of me
that i wouldn't be able
to survive in this world
without you
but i've been nursing my wounds
healing all the broken parts of me
lovingly giving myself time to heal
and transmuting all the hate you gave me
it wasn't easy
in the beginning
in fact it was terrifying
and at times crippling
but i made it through
to the other side of divorce
and i can tell the world
i survived you
i can smile again
and i can be loved
by a man
whom genuinely adores me
and will fight for me
because that is what i deserve

Sapphire and Arion: A New Story

Sapphire had the power in her to create change in her life. She recognized this power in Arion too. Arion clung to his outer life, his possessions and wealth, as a means of taking the focus off of his inner struggles that weighed on his mind and heart. He had grown accustomed to having the void inside of him filled with toys, cars, a big house, and nice things. He purposely deflected his feelings so he could avoid feeling pain. 


Her memory haunted him. Arion watched Sapphire’s life from a distance. Sapphire was moving forward on her path and not looking back. She was shifting her perspective and seeing her ties to Arion in a new light. It was no accident their paths had crossed 20 years ago. They each had lessons to learn and karma to undo. Sapphire’s separation from Thaddeus was painful. But the wounds that Arion left on her heart were deeper and more permanent. Arion’s thoughtless actions of not making any attempt to reach out to her, made Sapphire feel unwanted, unloved.


Halfway across the world, the doors of fate had swung wide open on Arion. He was now being dealt his karma, which caused him to examine his actions and reflect on the pain he caused Sapphire. He felt remorse for his immature actions and his unwillingness to confront Sapphire. Deep down, he wanted to change; he wanted to reach out to her. Arion was fearful of moving forward. He had many doubts about the future. In his mind, it was easier to keep her memory alive than it was to see her again.


His awareness was slowly shifting; new opportunities were presenting themselves to him. A new story was emerging as he cautiously embraced a new direction. Would it include her? Would he move past his fear and merge both of their worlds? Arion was moving towards unconditional love, and at the same time, Sapphire was too.


Their time apart made them both realize how deep their connection was, no matter how much time had passed, and the distance between them, they were always connected. Deep healing was taking place in them both that could only be accomplished through separation. They both now had to figure out who they wanted to be. The dots were connecting, and with fate, there was always the possibility of them coming back together.

Meditation: Stopping and Finding Calm

Walking is a wonderful way to calm down when we are upset. When we walk, if we focus all our awareness on walking, we are stopping the thinking, storytelling, blaming, and judging that goes on in our heads and takes us away from the present moment. To stop the incessant thinking in the mind, it helps to focus on the body. When things aren't going well, it's good to stop the thinking in order to prevent the unpleasant, destructive energies from continuing. Stopping does not mean repressing: it means, first of all, calming. If we want the ocean to be calm, we don't throw away its water. Without the water, nothing is left. When we notice the presence of anger, fear, and agitation in us, we don't need to throw them away. We only have to breathe in and out consciously and take a mindful step. Allow yourself to sink deeply into the here and the now, because life is available only in the present moment. This alone is enough to calm the storm.

Reference~ How To Walk by Thich Nhat Hanh

Starting Over

the fear of starting over
with someone new
hits you hard
you just met him
and already
you see yourself
in a future with him
but your scared
he won't love all of you
you're weird
you're also complicated
and you wonder
if he can handle your darkness
or your messiness when you fall apart
and it's okay to have doubts
but don't let fear
be an obstacle to you finally having true love
sometimes you just have to dive right in
even if you don't know
how deep the water is

Blessing in Disguise

just like you
i also was in an unhealthy
marriage with a man
who did not deserve me
just like you
i also let him walk all
over me and treat me badly
just like you
i put up with him coming
and going at all hours of the night
just like you
i got fed up one day and
said "enough is enough"
and demanded to be treated better
just like you
i believed him when he told
me he would change
just like you
he left me
for another woman
and broke my heart
just like you
i've come to realize that his leaving
gave me my freedom
and restored my peace
but that realization didn't
happen over night
but nevertheless it did happen

The One

she was sure
he was the one
from the moment
she saw him
she just knew
in her heart
that he was the one
she had been looking for
that with him
she would become
so much more