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Sunday, January 24, 2021

Now Available: The Fire in a Woman's Belly



 A Collection of Poems


'The Fire in a Woman's Belly 1' is about surviving and healing from narcissistic abuse. The poetry moves through the landscape of anger by addressing it and feeling its power, to a quest of transmuting the wounds into beauty caused by the narcissist; and lastly, transforming it through a level of awareness that gives inner strength and a deeper understanding of oneself. This is for any woman who's healing from the abuse of a narcissist.

Link to Ebook
 https://books2read.com/u/3JXqqJ

Link to Print Copy Amazon.com: The Fire in a Woman's Belly I (9798594702172): Meadows, Madison: Books

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Twin Flame Dream: The Letters

 From Journal Entry 8/20/2017

My daughter rushes in the house and hands me the mail. There are three letters from you. The envelopes were decorated in large cursive letters in pencil. I opened one letter and I saw your name. After seeing your name I collapsed on the floor. I was in shock, disbelief, and overwhelmed with emotions. Tears flow knowing that I finally have heard from you.

I've grown tired of waiting on you to reach out to me. I've spent so many years hoping you'd tell me how you feel. Then I have a dream that feels so real, even more real than the life I'm living, and all those feelings come rushing back. For days after I am a wreck, a mess, trying my best just to get through my restless nights. I have to talk myself down off the ledge of self-pity and self-destruction. I have grown tired of the power I let you have over me. The battle continues after such dreams of you. Then after finding my balance again, sometimes days or weeks later, peace is restored in my soul again. You'd think after never hearing from you I'd be free to love again, loving someone that is capable of loving me back. You'd think that I am over you and moving forward would be easy. The problem isn't your silence. The problem is the promising dreams I have of you that cause me such grief in my life. But I won't torture you like you torture me. I will tell you the thoughts in my head and you will know that you were always loved.  #TheDeathOfMe

Thursday, January 21, 2021

The End of Co-Dependency

 



You cannot save anyone. You can be present with them, offer your groundedness, your sanity, your peace. You can even share your path with them, offer your perspective. But you cannot take away their pain. You cannot walk their path for them. You cannot give answers that are right for them, or even answers they can digest right now. They will have to find their own answers, ask their own questions or lose their own questions, make friends with their own uncertainty. They will need to make their own mistakes, feel their own sorrows, learn their own lessons. If they truly want to be at peace, they will have to trust the path of healing that reveals itself step by step.
But you cannot heal them. You cannot diffuse their fear, their anger, their feelings of powerlessness. You cannot save them, or make things right for them. If you push too hard, they may lose their own unique way. Your way may not be their way.
You did not create their pain. You may have done or not done some things, said or not said some things, triggering pain that was already inside them. But you did not create it, and you are not guilty, even if they say you are. You can take responsibility for your words and deeds, yes, you can grieve over a past, but you cannot erase or change what happened, and you cannot control the future. You can only meet them in the here and now, your only place of power. You are not responsible for their happiness, and they are not responsible for yours.
Your happiness cannot come from outside of you. If it does, it is a dependent happiness, a fragile happiness that will turn to sorrow so quickly. And then you will get caught up in a web of blame and guilt, regret and persecution. Your happiness is directly related to your presence, your connection with your breath, your body, the earth. Your happiness is not small, and cannot be removed by fear, or anger, or the most intense shame. Your happiness is not a state, or a passing experience, or even a feeling that others can give to you. Your happiness is vast, ever-present, the boundless space of the heart, in which joy and sorrow, bliss and boredom, certainty and doubt, loneliness and connection, even fear and longing, can move like the weather, like the rain and the sunshine, all held in the hugeness of the sky.
You cannot save anyone, and you cannot be saved if you are looking to be saved. There is no self to save, no self to lose, no self to defend, no self to make perfect or perfectly happy. Let go of every impossible ideal. You are beautiful in your imperfection, outrageously perfect in your doubts, loveable even in your feelings of unlove-ability. All these parts have been given, all are parts of the whole, and you were never less than whole.
You are breathing. You know you are alive. You have a right to exist, feel what you feel, think what you think. You have a right to your joy and a right to your sorrows. You have a right to doubt too. You have a right to walk your path. You have a right to be right and a right to be wrong, a right to this giant happiness that you knew when you were young. You are breathing, and you are inseparable from the life force that animates all things, knows itself as all beings, discovers itself in every moment of this impossibly wondrous existence.
Your self-worth is not tied to what others think of you. It is tied to the moon, to the infinite expanse of the cosmos, to comets blazing towards unknown destinations, to the forgetting of time and the love of solitude and this unspeakable gratitude for each new dawn, unexpected, given.
Reference ~Jeff Foster

Saturday, January 16, 2021

The Power of Calm

she was prepared for the storm
the lighting and thunder
the torrent downpour
the molesting wind
yes life had prepared her
to weather storms
battle monsters
and drown them
in the wake
of her calm



Thursday, January 14, 2021

Press Release: Stringing Beads, Vol. 3 Now Available

 

This book is a continuation of Stringing Beads, Volume 2. In this collection, the blog entries pick up from 2016 through 2019. Many things have transpired in those years. Madison went through a divorce. Through it, she wrote her anger and grief of her loss and the betrayal she felt. Madison got through it by relying on God to guide her on the dark road ahead of her. She prayed, meditated, and journaled on most days. Her future was uncertain but she maintained her faith in God and her connection to her twin flame to get through the worst part of her life. Her story is proof of God's awesome power and presence.

Stringing Beads: Making a Beautiful Life Moment by Moment, Volume 3: Meadows, Madison: 9798593215604: Amazon.com: Books

Damaged Women Can Be The Most Powerful

 


She is Powerful

Here is a truth you often don’t hear: traumatized women have the potential to become the most powerful people in this world.
The most ignorant members of society call this type of woman “damaged.” But she is the most powerful type of woman there is.
What they forget is that survivors have the most dangerous advantage of all: resilience.
When you try and you try but you can never bring a woman down, you’ll know there is no going back. Don’t fool yourself. You could never defeat her. You never will.
This is the woman who will always rise from the dead; Lady Lazarus, after going through hell and back.
This is the woman who has burned her feet in the flames time and time again and always lives to tell another tale – even if she has to crawl back to life.
She was never given love or approval on a silver platter, so in order to survive, she had to love herself in a way others could only dream of. She fought tooth and nail for her own self-acceptance.
No one cuddled her as a child or told her pretty things; she had to fend for herself each step of the way. She knows she can survive because she already has and will again.
When someone tells her, “You can’t do it,” she says, “Watch me.”
She is fiery light birthed out of wintery darkness. Brought into the underworld by Hades, Persephone brings forth spring and rebirth when she reemerges finally from the cold.
She owns her shadows and seamlessly weaves them into the fabric of her freedom, creativity, imagination and independence.
All of her life, she was given every evidence of human cruelty and the evil people were capable of. She understood early on that the monsters people dreamed of existed in human skin.
She lived all of her nightmares in high definition. She was given every reason to give up, handed every justification to never believe in herself or anyone.
But there is raw magic in the ways in which she cultivates a faith in herself, to manifest the dreams her soul was meant to bring forth.
Despite it all, she still conquers.
She still survives and thrives.
The “damaged” woman is capable of immense manifestation not just in spite of, but because of the traumas she has gone through.
There is no one more motivated than a woman who has constantly been told what she cannot do or who she cannot be throughout her lifetime.
There is no one more determined to succeed than someone who has nothing left to lose.
The “damaged” woman doesn’t sign up for the hardships of her journey – but she plays the hell out of the cards she’s been dealt.
The “damaged” woman is not damaged at all – she is wounded, and in channeling and healing her wounds, she becomes the source of incredible energy, the site of unbelievable potential for abundance and change.
She possesses the power to use her wounds for the greater good and her highest good.
She builds her own success and becomes her own rugged hero; tends to her own scraped knees.
She uses every stone thrown at her to build the foundation for her empire.
Brick by brick she builds – and despite every attempt to tear her walls down, she rescues herself again and again.
Despite it all, this type of survivor may still face hatred, envy, greed from those around her. They try to tell her she is too damaged to soar.
See, when the women society call too “damaged” perform better than those who never were, it tends to upset the status quo.
As a result, she becomes the survivor of countless witch hunts, the target of many persecutors. Yet when they try to burn her at the stake, she does what comes naturally: she resurrects herself.
After all, nobody suspects that it is the wounded woman who has more power inside of her than the bullies who appear to overpower her.
They laugh and ridicule the mute warrior, the one who seems to never fight back.

But here’s the thing about this type of woman: she observes.
She learns how to pick and fight her own battles. Her spirit may be broken, but it is relentless. She perseveres, bit by bit. She takes it all in.
Perhaps she stays voiceless for years. For her soul, it may seem like for centuries. This is an ancient wound, one that seems to follow her from generation to generation.
Yet at some point, it comes time for her soul to fight back in order to survive. It comes time for her to rise.
She stays silent for so long that when she finally speaks, the world erupts and cracks wide open.
Her pent-up magnificent energy, born and bred in the pressure cooker that she calls life – is that of lightning.
Where once hopelessness was her default, now abundance becomes her birthright.
Where once she was timid, she now unleashes thunder in every action and word that she wields like a sword – and with it, she always brings a storm.
Now when she creates, she creates new worlds and transforms and manifests on a level that cannot be recreated by someone who never had to struggle to survive.
When you hear the voice of a powerful survivor and the will of a warrior – there is nothing you can do but to stop and listen.
She is the voice of a million lifetimes lived.
She is the voice of the hopeless and the powerless when the fire is brought back to their eyes. She is the harbinger of the justice that the voiceless have longed to hear and feel and touch.
Regardless of how much you try and how it may seem, you can never truly bring a survivor like this to her knees; she already knows the value her scars bring.
She knows how to fill the cracks between her wounds with gold.
She knows how to transform each bitter word cast upon her into an iron-clad will that will set her and other caged birds free.
You can’t ever defeat a “damaged” woman, because she knows exactly how to save herself.
Author ~Shahida Arabi

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Clear Boundaries

 

these past few years
i've been discovering me
the me without the title
of wife
and what i've found
is a woman
that has clear boundaries
and intentions
a clear resolution
in my soul
that there's no way
in hell
i'll ever let a man
treat me like shit
ever again

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

What God Would Say

 


Baruch de Spinoza was a Dutch philosopher considered one of the great rationalists of 17th-century philosophy, along with Descartes.

According to Spinoza, God would say: “Stop praying. I want you to go out into the world and enjoy your life. I want you to sing, have fun and enjoy everything I've made for you.
“Stop going into those dark, cold temples that you built yourself and saying they are my house. My house is in the mountains, in the woods, rivers, lakes, beaches. That's where I live and there I express my love for you.
“Stop blaming me for your miserable life; I never told you there was anything wrong with you or that you were a sinner, or that your sexuality was a bad thing. Sex is a gift I have given you and with which you can express your love, your ecstasy, your joy. So don't blame me for everything that others made you believe.
“Stop reading alleged sacred scriptures that have nothing to do with me. If you can't read me in a sunrise, in a landscape, in the look of your friends, in your son's eyes—you will find me in no book!
“Stop asking me, ‘Will you tell me how to do my job?’ Stop being so scared of me. I do not judge you or criticize you, nor get angry or bothered. I am pure love.
“Stop asking for forgiveness, there's nothing to forgive. If I made you, I filled you with passions, limitations, pleasures, feelings, needs, inconsistencies, and best of all, free will. Why would I blame you if you respond to something I put in you? How could I punish you for being the way you are, if I'm the one who made you? Do you think I could create a place to burn all my children who behave badly for the rest of eternity? What kind of god would do that?
“Respect your peers, and don't give what you don't want for yourself. All I ask is that you pay attention in your life—alertness is your guide.
“My beloved, this life is not a test, not a step on the way, not a rehearsal, not a prelude to paradise. This life is the only thing here and now—and it is all you need.
“I have set you absolutely free, no prizes or punishments, no sins or virtues, no one carries a marker, no one keeps a record.
You are absolutely free to create in your life. It’s you who creates heaven or hell.
“Live as if there is nothing beyond this life, as if this is your only chance to enjoy, to love, to exist. Then you will have enjoyed the opportunity I gave you. And if there is an afterlife, rest assured that I won't ask if you behaved right or wrong, I'll ask, ‘Did you like it? Did you have fun? What did you enjoy the most? What did you learn?’
“Stop believing in me; believing is assuming, guessing, imagining. I don't want you to believe in me, I want you to believe in you. I want you to feel me in you when you kiss your beloved, when you tuck in your little girl, when you caress your dog, when you bathe in the sea.
“Stop praising me. What kind of egomaniac God do you think I am? I'm bored with being praised. I'm tired of being thanked. Feeling grateful? Prove it by taking care of yourself, your health, your relationships, the world. Express your joy! That's the way to praise me.
“Stop complicating things and repeating as a parrot what you've been taught about me. Why do you need more miracles? So many explanations?
“The only thing for sure is that you are here, that you are alive, that this world is full of wonders.”