MADISON MEADOWS: A Spiritual Journey into Mysticism, Dreams, Twin Flames, & Soulful Healing

Your gift of love has no reason to give.  It gives out of its heart's longings.  What does man know of love- except the degrees it snares one's heart?  I am caught in your snare; driven mad by this intoxicating wine.  Please deliver me to my cross, so I can escape this world of illusions, and be in your Presence again!

The Bushman in the Kalahari Desert talk about two "hungers." There is the Great Hunger and there is the Little Hunger. The Little Hunger wants food for the belly; but the Great Hunger, the greatest hunger of all, is the hunger for meaning... There's ultimately only one thing that makes human beings deeply and profoundly bitter, and that is to have thrust upon them a life without meaning... There is nothing wrong in searching for happiness.... But of far more comfort to the soul... is something greater than happiness or unhappiness, and that is meaning. Beacause meaning transfigures all... Once what you are doing has for you meaning, it is irrelevant whether you're happy or unhappy.  You are content- you are not alone in your Spirit- you belong. Reference~Sir Laurens van der Post from Hasten Slowly

The bridge between Heaven and earth exist because of love.  The blood of Christ formed the bridge.  The love he has is divine love, and willingly he sacrificed his life so we may have a way to our Heavenly Father.  The bridge is for all Lovers to travel by.  It is a hard journey, not for the half-hearted.  If you choose the bridge as your path, know that you are on your way home.

One of the first things I do in the morning is write down my dreams in a journal.  Often in the middle of the night, I will wake up from a dream and jot down the things that stood out in the dream.  In the morning I will fill in the blanks.  I then go over my symbols and began the interpretation of each symbol.  After years of practice, I can easily understand my unique dream symbols and those that are universal.  After years of dedication, I am able to navigate my life by working with my dreams. We all have an inner life, inner thoughts, and inner voice.  Those who do believe in a spiritual source of their inner life tend to want to unite their interior and exterior lives as much as possible as an authentic expression of love.  Consider you dreams, hopes, passions, beliefs, visions, and longings.  A great way to honor your inner life is by keeping a journal. References ~Saints in Love by Carole Hallundbaek and The Mystical Magical Marvelous Wo...

I arrived out of darkness into your Light. My soul free of it's shackles and taking flight. In the dark was the hidden Truth. My sufferings and longings only you knew. You delivered me from myself to myself. I have found your Paradise by going through my hell. Oh, if only the world knew of your secret. They too would break down death's door to keep it.

I desire to have companions that are sweet tempered.  A cool head who's thoughts are on 'above'.  The companions in my life don't think ill of me and know I have their best interest at heart.  If your not my companion, I have no use for you.

Journal Entry 11/20/2011 Kalei, I hope my words find you.  Your in my thoughts everyday.  I want so much to see you well.  It is my prayer that you overcome your demons.  You asked me if there was a God.  Yes! God is alive!  He lives in the heart of every man and woman.  He is the 'being' in the human being.  He is also a loving father, protective brother, stern mother, a good friend, and devoted spouse.  He is all things!  Just call upon his name and he will hear and respond.  It is in the poverty of your own heart he yearns for.  And once you place your heart in his hands, he will turn your ruins into treasure.  Trust and have faith old friend, for he is waiting to receive you. Love, Madison

The boy, Moses, was restless in his bed.  He closed his eyes and imagined what God looked like.  He thought to himself the best way to know is to just ask. The first question Moses asks, "God are you the sky?" "I Am", replied God. "God are you the sun?" "I Am", God replied again. "God are you the moon and the stars?" Once again God replied, "I Am."                                                        "God are you the ocean?" God responded, "And I Am everything in the ocean!" "God are you the earth?" God responded, "I Am and all the creatures on it!" Moses' last question for God is, "God are you me?" God joyfully replied, "I Am my child.  I Am love." Moses tiredly said, "Good night...

Clare and Assisi were mystics and spiritual spouses devoted to God and poverty of the spirit.  They launched the Franciscan orders in the thirteenth century.  She was for him a radiant light who would embody for him the fulfillment of his own vision.  Francis saw what Clare would become and encouraged and nurtured her passion so that she could fulfill her destiny even as he met his own. Clare was becoming a young woman when she heard Francis preach in Assisi. Francis heard of her light and grace and desired that she live his way of life. In 1213, at the age of eighteen, Clare was consecrated as the first Franciscan woman. She took her life long vows of love of God, poverty, and chastity. Clare knelt before God and offered to Francis the symbol of her worldly glory; her long, golden hair. Francis himself cut the hair in a ritual that symbolized both her wedding to God through Francis, and the mutual sexual sacrifice of the wedding night. Francis and Clare gave up their ...

Aegeates commands that Andrew be scourged with seven whips.  Then he sent him off to be crucified.  The rumors of the righteous one's execution flew through Patros.  People were outraged.  Stratocles walked with the apostle to the seaside location where he was to be crucified.  Andrew greets the cross, "Greetings O cross!  I know well that, though you have been weary for a long time, planted and awaiting me, now at last you can rest.  I come to you, whom I have known.  I recognize your mystery, why you were planted.  So then cross that is pure, radiant, full of light and love, receive me, I who have been weary for so long." For four days he hung on the cross and preached to the crowd- converting many.  After the departure of the blessed apostle, Maximilla separated from her savage husband. Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Maximilla seeks out guidance from Andrew. Aegeates is going to crucify Andrew.  Andrew tells Maximilla, "I rightly see in you Eve repenting and in me Adam converting.  For what she suffered through ignorance, you- whose soul I seek- must now redress through conversion.  The very thing suffered by the mind which was brought down with her and was estranged from itself, I make right with you, through your recognition that you are being raised up.  You healed her deficiency by not experiencing the same passions, and I have perfected Adam's imperfection by fleeing to God for refuge.  Where Eve disobeyed, you obeyed; what Adam agreed to, I flee from; the things that tripped them up, we have recognized.  For it is ordained that each person should correct his or her own fall." Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Aegeates tells Maximilla, "I have captured your teacher.  He will not escape from me but will suffer a horrible death." Maximilla responds, "My teacher is not someone who can be detained, for he is not perceptible."  Aegeates gives Maximilla an ultimatum.  To have sexual relations with him and bear him children and Andrew will be set free, or he will torment her indirectly through the one she loves.  Maximilla found out where the prison was and waited til nightfall to go see Andrew.  Andrew tells her,"You have done well, o soul crying out what you suffered and returning to yourself.  You are immaterial, holy, light, akin to the unbegotten, intellectual, heavenly, pure, superior to flesh.  Take knowledge in what you excel." Maximilla would need to take courage- to see the untrosties inflicted on Andrew by Aegeates, through to the end. Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Aegeates weeps at the feet of Maximilla.  He says, "I have been your husband for 12 years and have revered you as a goddess, and still do because of your chastity.  If you are keeping a secret from me about another man- I will make allowances and I myself will cover it up, just as you have put up with my follies." Maximilla tells him, "I am in love, and the object of my love is not of this world and therefore is imperceptible to you.  You cannot see it and you cannot separate me from it." One of Aegeates servants heard Aegeates speaking to Stratocles, questioning him about the matter.  The servant then whispered in Aegeates ear how there is a certain man that performs great miracles and cures the sick and raises the dead.  He tells Aegeates a misleading lie, that his wife has become intimately involved with the man. He then points out the man from a distance and says, "Look master there is the man responsible for the present disruption of your h...

Aegeate's was an enemy and savage.  Maximilla's marriage was arranged by her mother and father.  Maximilla felt unclean when she slept with her husband.  Andrew prays to the Lord to protect her and asks her to sleep apart from her visible husband and wed her to her inner husband.  Maximilla planned for a servant girl named Euclia to sleep with her husband.  In return she would give her what ever she desired; jewels, clothing, fine linen, etc. Euclia flaunted her gifts to the other slave girls.  They became jealous.  Aegeates learned everything in detail.  Aegeates was infuriated at Euclia's boosting and has her tongue cut out and threw her outside.  She stayed there for several days without food and became food for the dogs. Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Andrew, Maximilla, and the brethren are gathered in Aegeates bedroom listening to Andrew.  Maximilla is troubled when her husband arrives.  When Andrew saw her perplexity, he said to the Lord, "Do not permit, Aegeates to enter this bedroom, Lord Jesus, until your servants can leave without fear. Save us all, by repelling that savage lion armed to attack us."  Andrew is speaking on Maximilla's behalf so that there is no repercussion from Aegeates.  Clearly Aegeates is not a man of God and is cruel in nature. Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Andrew talks to Stratocles after he dispels the demon from his servant.  Andrew encourages him to bring forth the child he is carrying. "Bring to birth the child you are carrying and do not give yourself to labour pains alone.  I desire what you are bearing.  I love what you are suppressing.  I will suckle what is within you.  I know the one who is silent.  I know the one who has hope.  Already your new self speaks to me.  Already I encounter those things he has suffered for so long." Stratocles is ashamed of his former religion.  He mourns his former public conduct and he renounces his former self and vows a life in the Living God. Reference~The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Stratocles arrived in Patros with his slave.  He came to visit his brother Aegeates.  Stratocles servant is stricken with a demon.  Stratocles pleas for help and says he cannot live without him.  Maximilla, Aegeates wife, hears about this and says to Stratocles, "Do not worry about your servant, brother.  Soon he will be healed for there is a most God-fearing man staying in this city who can dispel demons." Andrew arrives to dispel the demon in the servant.  Andrew commands the demon to flee the boy and the city, he also bars the demon from setting foot in any of the regions where there is so much a trace of his brethren. Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

From Journal Entry 1/22/2011 There is a storm brewing and it is big!  The bottom of my feet are magnets.  I magnetize my feet to a round piece of metal that takes me to a building.  I ask a woman whom I can talk to about the storm.  She sends me to a guy's office.  I find him and I tell him that I want to know who's thoughts are trying to harm me.  He doesn't know the cause.  He tells me to visit the storm and learn its nature.  He says to invest in Dam Andrew Territory and buy property for $20. Dream symbols: Storm- symbolizes my rising spirituality, rapid changes ahead of me Magnets- personal empowerment, some force is bonding my relationships together Number 20- in need of support Investment- my preparation for the future, laying out a solid groundwork for success I would turn to the bible for further guidance and seek out the apostle Andrew.  What I would find would speak to me intimately.  So began my study of Andrew ...

If you want your heart polished than don't complain about being handled roughly.  You are the thief that stole my heart, now let the jury decide your innocence.  The evidence of your longings tell all.  Wash your hands clean of the guilt you harbour.  Running away would only mean your weak, but facing your crimes of passion will purify your soul.

My thoughts of you are long and beautiful.  If I linger to long though, I start aching to be inside of you again.  I then can't focus and become absent minded throughout my day.  If anyone knew this secret of being inside of love; they would drown themselves in the sea.

I like this pain because its face is you.  What did you think would happen when you fell in love with God?  Did he not turn you inside out?  How does one go back to a normal life, when nothing experienced is normal?  Everything you gather up- seed to seed and moment to moment.  You know the secret of each seed.  Each is magnificent in His glory.  Each contains His essence.  How can one not feel joy knowing his Sustainer is everywhere in everything, at all times?  Going back to your old way of life is absurd!  Walking around in a drunken state of pure ecstasy in God makes more sense, than the senselessness of the world left behind.

From Journal Entry 4/28/2009 There's a beautiful glass house on a mountain.  My husband and I are hiking up the mountain.  From the distance we see storm clouds.  We know we should go back down and not continue up.  It's too late though.  We have to go up.  We both don't know how safe the house will be.  My husband says its built on a sand foundation.  The storm hits and we're in the house. I think to myself that it is still standing and am amazed that it is.  There isn't even a crack in the glass.   I had prayed many prayers to God to give me a sign that my home and marriage was going to be okay. I did feel God's presence going through my storm.  After the dream, I felt God's peace. I now know that peace is mine to have through the rest of my days on earth.  I would have to lay down a new foundation based on spiritual truths. With God as center in my life, it would be possible. Climbing the...

Setting aside time everyday for meditation and prayer opens our minds and hearts to the inner Spirit-Mind.  God instructs in Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God."  In the stillness comes the presence of God and God's blessing. As Elijah explained in 1 Kings 19:12, he searched for God in all powerful forces on earth- lightning, earthquakes, wind, and fire- but found God's presence in a "still, small voice" within. Reference~ Christ the Power and Passion by John Van Auken

Lord you are the cause of my sickness.  You dissolved my illusions.  You showed me the truth.  You drowned me in love.  My riddles are for a 'madman'.  I have set my eyes upon your face.  My heart is at your mercy.  Your love makes me reckless.  I fear to come near you, that you will even drive me more insane.

You who are a secret Lover of God.  You who chase after the one whom has stricken you with your illness.  One can not find the Beloved in a sober state; only the lovers of the wine can find her.  They stagger about at night, swapping stories of the Beloved in the tavern.  One man poaches his eyes out.  Another man pierces his flesh hoping to cut out the 'madness' that has stricken him.  They refuse to leave and wait in agony for the return of the Beloved.  Proclaiming, "She is worth the torment and torture.  She will restore the eyes, the body, and the soul.  Any fool with unwavering faith surely is worthy of her visit!"  Those headless men know the secrets of their suffering.  She comes to them only after they have given up everything and are at death's doorstep.

From Journal Entry 9/17/2011 Oh, Sustainer of all things, you have made me fall in love with you when you looked upon my face.  You sought me out.  You were drawn to my sincerity.  The heavens opened up and swallowed all my sins.  You found me worthy above all kings!  Now I am a slave to you; and you can do with me what ever your will is. Love, Me

When we are absent from the body, we are present in the Spirit.  To enter sleep mindfully and with the intention of meeting the Spirit- mind of God, is to sow and cultivate the seed of enlightenment. Job 33:14-18 "For God speaks once, and twice, though man pays no attention.  In a dream in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on man, in slumbering on the bed; then he opens the ear of men and seals their instruction, that he may withdraw man from his [self-centered] purpose and hide pride from man.  He keeps back his soul from the pit." Dreams can be valuable means for heavenly guidance and insight.  When one regularly practices remembering and interpreting dreams,  then one awakens to one's potential for deep, heavenly communication. Reference~ Christ the Power and the Passion,John Van Auken

I am a beggar at your door. Will you have mercy on me? Please let me in. I am starving. I have been roaming this city. Your light is the only one I see. Do you not recognize the Friend? It's been years since you have seen my face. My eyes haven't changed. I promised you I would come back to you. Now how do we begin?

Give up all your worldly desires and become one heart.  Two hearts don't fit inside of God.  Your desires are veils of the Truth.  Abandon all things.  Follow the path of the Heart.  It will not lead you astray.  The wounds of Love are the mysteries of the nature of God.  The heart bleeds- taste the blood, know its sorrows.  Then may you truly know the joys of Love; and God's infinite mercy and wisdom.

Open your eyes!  The burning inside your heart is speaking to you; demanding you move.  Don't try to reason with your heart; that which love can only understand.  Movement opens doors to the Unseen; secrets are revealed there for the true seeker.  The truth is better than a thousand half-truths.  The heart of a lover can digest the truth.  They die a thousand deaths painstakingly,  and are born again in the Heart- the very center of God.

The Origin of Sufism Sufism has its origins in the second century in Baghdad and Bashra. Early Sufis were absorbed with God. They were mystics and philosophers first and poets second. They spent their time seeking meanings and authorization in the Qur'an and the Hadiths to counter accusations of unbelief levelled against them by Orthodox Muslims. The further development of Sufi ideas through great masters led to an infusion of Islamic culture with the mystical ideas of the Sufis. The impact of ideas was profound on poetry. The Sufi path is the path of Love where the human soul searches out God and if the grace of God falls upon the searcher, then he or she finds annihilation in God and eternal existence in the consciousness of God. It is a path of loving God through his manifestations. Sufism conveys to the believer to love God, love God's creation and praise Him all the time. Sufism replaces a fearsome and unforgiving God with a loving and merciful one. Since God is uns...

The electromagnetic geometrical field within the Mer-Ka-Ba field (the Light Body) of the Earth is exactly identical to every human being on Earth.  This Earth kundalini's energy is called the Serpent of Light. The Precission of the Equinox (POE) is a wobble in the Earth's axis.  It requires a little less than 26,000 years to complete.  As the wobble of the Earth's axis slowly turns in a circle, it eventually points to and passes through all twelve of the heavenly constellations.  The POE enters a new constellation every 2,160 years.  On December 21, 2012 we will be moving into the Age of Aquarius for the first time in 12,920 years.  The axis of the Earth will also be moving toward the center of the galaxy instead of away from it.  At the same time the kundalini of the Earth begins to change locations on the surface of the Earth.  It has resided in India and Tibet and will move to a new location in Chili and Peru, to bring balance to a new w...

The words of Rumi seduce me.  They take me hostage.  I become a 'madman' thirsting in the desert of loneliness.  The well of Rumi quenches my thirst.

From Journal Entry 1/18/2007 I'm covered in tattoos.  I'm looking at my tattoos in the mirror.  Then I'm lying in bed next to my husband.  I experience a full body orgasm.  Then we're in jail with a blond girl.  She wants out of jail.  She tells my husband she loves him and wants to marry.  I get the feeling she wants rescued.  We leave her in jail. I asked my husband if he was having an affair.  He lied and said no.  The woman in the dream was a client he had done work for. She was a blond with tattoos.  Later I found out that the affair started four months before I had the dream.  It lasted for almost a year.  I became pregnant with our second child shortly after I had the dream.  The lies kept piling up and I became deeply depressed.  I feared losing my baby because of all the stress.  I didn't know if I was going to be alone raising two children.  All I could do to get through my p...

All that God is; is contained within my heart.  Tides of joy wash over me there.  The sun never sets. To perceive God's vast landscape; one needs to become blind.

The voice of a thousand angels can't soothe me in the way of your voice.  My love and affection pour out of me; in hopes you will reply and I can hear your voice.

Child, you can never grow old of this pain.  It sustains your being.  Your longings and needings are tied up in it.  How could a servant ever want anything more?  Everything dies in the physical world; everything but the Light of Heaven.  One is blinded to my existence if one does not need me.  Blessed are the ones who suffer like you do.  Their treasure is within their poor hearts.  No king of his own house will ever uncover my treasure until he gives all his treasure away. ~God

1. The thought that is from God.  The sign of that thought is that it enters the heart spontaneously, and one should not deny that thought. 2. The thought from the heart. 3. The thought from the angel.  These two are close to each other.  You will know the difference from the situation. 4. The thought from the carnal soul.  When the carnal soul desires something and does not get it, it continues to desire it.  Conflict appears. 5. The thought from Satan.  Satan commands you to commit sin and misleads you. You experience a nearness to God with the thought that is from God, the heart, or an angel.  The carnal soul and Satan avoid nearness.  They incline towards worldly vanities and passionate desires.  Doubt and deception enter.  They are in conflict with God. Reference~ Teachings of Sufism, Carl Ernst

From the Summer of 1998 I feel a presence in my room.  It feels familiar.  I think to myself it has found me.  I am terrified.  I have the distinct feeling that it is going to harm me.  I am paralyzed unable to move or speak.  I tell God I need him.  I surrender. I give my will over to God. It then enters my body.  Moments later I see it near my ceiling as a ball of light.  Then it implodes on itself.  I know it is over. This encounter differs from my childhood experiences with the Old Hag. It has changed into a sexual encounter that at first its presence is evil; and then leaves as a light of love.  Sexual encounters with "supernaturals" are referred to as an incubus.  Incubus means an explicitly erotic experience with a demon. It is my belief that it was the Old Hag.  With my faith in God; the evil dissolved and changed into a light of love.  I knew when it was over that I would never b...

From Journal Entry 4/2/2002 I looked up in the sky after arriving at Grandma Theresa's house.  I saw two constellations.  One was a dragon and the other an angel.  The dragon was breathing fire on the angel. There are three kinds of creatures- first angels.  Angels are pure intelligence.  Their nature and their nourishment are worship, service, and perpetual remembrance of God.  They eat and live by these exactly like fish live and by water.  They have no desire, so they have no need to struggle against it.  Obedience is their essence. Then there are animals.  They are pure desire, desire in its naked state.  Then comes humankind- that strange hybrid of intelligence and desire.  Man is half-beast, half-angel.  The fish in man attracts him toward the shining water; the serpent in him drags him toward the earth. The angel is always saved by knowledge; the animal by its unadorned ignorance.  Man is between them, struggling...

The Dalai Lama was born in a village called Taktser on July 6, 1935. His parents were peasant farmers. There were 'signs' that led to him being recognized as the reincarnation of the thirteen Dalai Lama. Because of these signs he would be enthroned as a spiritual leader of Tibet at a very young age. In 1950 the Chinese invaded Tibet. The Dalai Lama sent an appeal to the UN on behalf of the Tibetan National Assembly. It was never answered. The situation worsened. At the age of sixteen, he found himself leading a nation of six million Tibetans faced with war. It was impossible to avert disaster. He sent delegations abroad to the US, Great Britain, Nepal, and China. All refused but China. Tibet was left to face communist China all alone. In 1954, the Dalai Lama was invited to visit China and meet President Mao. He went accompanied by 500 people. His people of Lhasa feared for his life. He met President Mao, who seemed sincere to want real cooperation. The Dalai Lama had a...

Many times my heart would burn and break.  It would burn at the sight of you and break when you departed.  This would continue like so; until one day the burn was unbearable.  I gave 'way' to the burn and my heart melted.

From Journal Entry 4/3/2010 Dear God, Me and you have come a long ways since we began this journey some 13+ years ago.  I'll never forget that night spent sobbing on the bathroom floor asking for your help.  Help you did!  You answered my plea and have been by my side ever since that first meeting took place.  I am so grateful for your gentle wisdom and encouragement you've given me over the years.  Some things I still struggle with, but knowing you're there to see me through it, makes the journey easier.  Now I'm almost 35 years old.  I'm learning more and more about myself everyday.  I still need you just as much as the fateful day.   Today I am faced with a huge burden that's been going on for a year.  I only pray God that an answer comes soon and by your mercy our family has even more time and memories to make right here.  We've grown fond of this old house.  It's now filled with laughter and pitter patters of tiny ...

In the subtle body there is the main conduit of Kundalini, called sushumna nadi, which is located similiarly where the spinal cord is to the physical body.  It is the major channel the creative energy of consciousness flows through as it manifest the universe and personal experiences.  It is also a storehouse of all karmas.  Patterns of thinking, feeling, acting, relating, and creating are built up over lifetimes and reproduced again and again. To become liberated or enlightened requires becoming free of those samskaras.  The Kundalini moves through the sushumna nadi "erasing" the impressions stored there and releasing the energy bound up in them.  This purification process then releases us from the patterns in our lives created by those impressions. She also opens up states of consciousness that give us access to what some call God-consciousness.  In order for the state of unity consciousness to become stable and fully manifest in the individual's...

It's not in seeking for the sake of possession.  The quality of being sought lifts the veil to the Divine.  Only the fire in one's heart can burn away the cloak of time.

I stand by the shore watching the wave break against the rock. This movement goes on and on between the two. The place of ease comes naturally to them. I am in awe knowing this; that I am in the midst of God.

I strayed upon the path of God. I was warned not to look back. If I looked back I would see Satan. I was now on the path where Satan could not come with me. I kept walking; the fragrance of truth was inviting me home.

A question was asked, "Have you remained faithful to your wife since your eyes have turned to water?" You may repent all your past sins, but when the light of God has fallen on your face; are you now faithful to him? A wise man can't be seduced by words alone. His Beloved's wine keeps him in a eternal state of drunkenness.

My whole life I have been searching for you. One day, unexpectedly, you arrive- finding a broken woman with a wounded spirit. You said the distance between you and me was the break between words. I remain silent so I can hear you.

A Carmelite priest, by the name of Saint John of the Cross, was a prisoner for nine months in 1577-78. He was kept in solitary confinement. He entered the dark night illuminated by a light he could not see. He surrendered to the darkness and let its hidden light purge his soul. He escaped his tormentors. He then wrote poems that became his "Spiritual Canticle" and "The Dark Night." John's imprisonment was an archetypal image of the interior struggle he named the dark night of the soul. John says that the dark night is really an "inflow" of God into the soul, but it is an inflow that purges us of our natural and spiritual ignorance and imperfections. The dark night is really infused light, but the imperfect soul neither knows nor understands what is happening. This is so because up to this time the soul has been intensely engaged in striving to prepare itself for God's grace. Then, when God's infused contemplation arrives, the soul is blind to...

The sun sets t o sleep- I in my slumber. The moon awakes, my soul takes flight. It wanders about- searching for you It is in the darkness- I find rest i n your light.

From Journal Entry 1/9/10 I dreamt about these orbs of light. Each one representing a soul of an individual. They were suspended above the earth- waiting. Waiting for the consciousness on earth to rise, so they could move on. There was a movement in consciousness occurring on earth. As we awaken, the souls on the other side are waiting, as if to be lead. Partly out of fear they didn't move. Where they were- there was light. When they looked ahead of themselves, they saw darkness. They feared going into the darkness. It was the Void. God assured them that by going into the darkness, once thru it, there would be light and with it a higher state of enlightenment (closer to God). I saw the Void in space and the orbs waiting to be lead into the Void. It only took one to go first, and all the rest would follow. There was a 'knowing' that you didn't know how much time would be spent traveling thru it. But if you wanted enlightenment you had to have faith. Faith was requir...

Unfinished dreams are like raindrops that never touch the ground. It is a bird calling out to its mate with no return sound. The woman who's loneliness is filled with books. There's more to her if you just take a look. Keep searching for your reflection in the stream. Mend your heart and finish your unfinished dreams.

~ What I feel does not occur in time. ~My soul flies against the constraining cage. ~I grow old inside your light. ~You ease the heart and make God's qualities visible. ~Now silence lets the one behind your eyes talk. ~Silence reveals more than language. ~Be faithful that you may know faith. ~We have fallen into the place where everything is music. ~When I am outside of you, life is a torment. ~There is a shredding that is really a healing, that makes you more alive. ~Love helps you see into the invisible. ~What hurts you blesses you. ~The cloth God weaves does not wear out. ~Take it inside you, that one whose presence is water. ~Better we should not speak it, but let it grow within. ~A true holy day for a man or a woman is the one when they bring themselves as the sacrifice. ~The pain of love is fire. ~I drank water from your spring and felt the current take me. Reference ~The Big Red Book, Coleman Barks

From Journal Entry 12/4/2009 I'm in a house. It feels like my house, but doesn't look like it. It's clean and the windows are open. It is night time. I'm looking out the window. I see a red planet as big as a full moon. It begins to move around the night sky. I call Aaron to come look. He sees it to. I think wow how neat! He says he's going out. I ask him to help close all the windows. Mars is the impulse to act on desires, goals, or visions. The red planet's sign shows how your inner fire is lit. What strokes the passion? Mars shows how you go after what you want in life. A window represents your point of view, understanding, insight, or outlook. It being open and clear shows your clear understanding and openness of these things. Aaron (my husband) present in dream- will also be effected by these changes in me. His desire to go outside is his curiosity and openness to these changes. The sky is the limit! ~Reference go to http://www.astrology.about.c...

The North wind blows through my window It moves up into my body It delights me with its touch I beg it to stay and house itself Inside of me.

Inside the little dream- we find ourselves. Life reflecting images, of a bigger dream. Woven together- in a magnificent tapestry.

Synchronicity feels like we are in just the right place at the right time to receive important information. Through observation we can see that these synchronised moments are preceded by an intuitive urge that directs us to go somewhere or say something. we do have guidance available to us, that when we 'tune in' are invaluable. Remaining in a state of 'alertness' is key for the guiding intuition to arrive. Synchronicity works in in two ways for me. In one way I refer to it as spontaneous synchronicity. I'll have a premonition, a dream, or something in my current life will demand my attention. Usually this is a nagging thought that urges me to take action. It is accompanied by a feeling to act, not to wait. The other works in the way of requesting an answer from the Universe. I will pose my question to God and ask for a sign as to the course of action I need to take. For this to be successful you have to be open to all possibilities. You may not desire the outc...

From Journal Entry 4/22/1999 I ended up in a woman's house, who summoned me there. She showed me her art. She said she asks the painting what it wants her to paint. She said after many reincarnations people learn to create and develop their powers. I have found through my own experiences and past life memories that this is true. We tend to pick up where we left off in our past life. Your passion in life becomes an expression of God. Developing your talent becomes a way of serving God. We are all here to learn more about ourselves. In the end we will find that our identities are not separate from God, but are in fact one with God.

Jesus and Mary represent Adam and Eve, the first humans God created that are given a chance of redemption. In the garden, Genesis, Adam and Eve hide in shame from God. This is after both have eaten from the Tree of Knowledge. In the New Testament Jesus is sent to redeem mankind and reunite his soul with the Christ Spirit, this is done to undo what happened in the Garden with Adam and Eve. Which is referred to as "The Great Fall." Mary is Jesus's beloved disciple, who he kisses often and is by his side. Her devotion and compassion for her Christ takes her beyond humanly desires. Mary has represented the individual sinner who has been redeemed. She at the crucifixion of Christ, shares his struggles, his pain. She has died into him, as Christ is dying on the cross. She yearns for knowledge, and has transformed herself thru a journey inward, making her way upward to a higher spiritual realm. Mary begins to embody the mother of creation. The female aspect of God is Faith-Wisd...

Loneliness can be a catalyst for personal growth and healing. It is a time to discover your soul talents and reach out to others who are less fortunate. Relationships will manifest in your life once you invest in yourself. True joy can only be found within yourself and being of service to others with greater needs. Often times we suppress our talents in fear of what others might think. This often times can lead to depression. Suppressing our soul abilities can have a physical, emotional, and mental effect on us. The thoughts of your mind are the building blocks to your overall condition. Cultivating a spiritual life will lead to fulfillment. The relationship you foster with God will sustain you all through life. Go out and live your truth! Reference ~Soul Mates by Edgar Cayce

From Journal Entry 4-29-2007 I am in what I perceive to be my astral body. I am with the stars. I meet with my counterpart. Our colors are vibrant blues and purples. We merge together spiraling upwards. I passed away into my Beloved- no longer am I able to distinguish myself separate from him. It was pure ecstasy. During this time in my life I was fighting to save my marriage. It was out of complete hopelessness, despair, and loneliness that triggered my spontaneous kundalini. My search for spiritual truth led to my awakening. I met God through my Beloved. Never would I be the same. Kundalini awakening can be prompted by the stress of a psychological crisis. A new level of awareness is reached. It is a moment that changes everything. Your 'old self'' dies and you are born again. Kundalini awakens bodily sensations and impulses that come into an awareness in a way never experienced before. During the bliss state, we may feel as though the Beloved within is a real lover, who ...

From Journal Entry December 16,1998 Had a dream about Grandpa. He was sad- full of regrets. He wasn't happy about the last 50 years. I assured him that those last 50 years brought him grand kids that deeply love him. I was very emotional. My grandfather and I had a very close bond. He took the leading male role after my parents divorced at the age of 9. He had made great sacrifices for my brother and I. His marriage to my grandmother was difficult. She was unstable due to mental illness. This took a toll on my grandfather's spirit. My mother (his daughter) was legally blind and did not drive. My grandfather drove us around a lot. We relied on him. Out of his devotion and love for God he paved the way for all of us to have a better life. Not many men would of stayed in that situation. I moved away from home at age 15. My visits back home were far and in between. I often dreamt about him over the years. Even after his death in 2005 he continued to visit me in my dreams. ...

From Journal Entry: 1999 I am in a dream like state. I am walking over to my closet doors and notice a letter taped on one of the doors. It's a full page written in a child's hand. I only remember the first sentence. It reads: Dear Big Brother and Lil Sis, You have created segregation and degradation. I believe that 'Big Brother' refers to government. 'Lil Sis' is the undeveloped feminine attributes that the Big Brother lacks to balance out a system that is patriarchy . Segregation is defined as the practice of compelling racial groups to live apart from each other. Degradation is defined as corrupting of moral character. This is what mankind has created- not God. In the Gospel of Mary we hear what Jesus response is on sin. Peter poses the question "Tell us one thing. What is the sin of the world?" The Savior replies, "There is no such thing as sin, rather you yourselves are what produces sin when you act in accordance with the nature of...

Sapphire changed her position from wanting and longing, to needing nothing. The effort it took was depleting her life force. She realized it was for her benefit she tried-not his. She struggled to understand his ways, but he was no longer recognizable . She struggled to know herself and by doing so she understood her pain. Her pain was her crutch and now she found a way for it to serve her. Through it many truths buried deep were revealed. His memory kept hidden from her until she was willing to open those wounds and healing could began. She was remembering little details about him. A life began to take shape of countless encounters- rich with many experiences. The depth of her love had survived over many lifetimes. It was a bond that at times held her hostage. She needed to find her place in the sacred circle to regain her balance. She would have to let go of the man she remembered. He was no longer her identity. Her destiny was waiting. He had been the one that had lead...

An angel sent from the heavens above, here to convey a message of love. Reaching out to give an abundance of warmth, rapping her arms around to comfort the soul. "I hear your cries, I feel your pain. I know the darkness in which you hide your shame. I was with you when you were but a child; curious and innocent, playing so carelessly and wild. Now that you've grown you've forgotten my name. No longer are things as they were- no longer the same. As you have changed through the years, you thought you no longer needed me. You thought you had conquered all your fears. Unable to let go of your memories of me; I have been there even as you sleep. Coming to you in a form of a dream. Waiting for you to open your eyes and see. The truth that you hide is your denial of me. So my child as you sit here and listen- I am here for you, there is nothing you are missing. Go out into the world unveiling your truth. Sharing with others this wisdom and good news."

Arion stood on the highest mountain peak. He could see the valley below. He imagined himself a bird- free and powerful. Commitment to him meant losing his freedom- losing a part of his soul. This woman had seduced his spirit and the danger enticed him. He wanted to run, but in the stillness of his being he recognized a part of himself he had forgotten. A form he had separated from. She had held up the mirror that reflected his truth and now he desperately wanted to reunite with it. He would reclaim his power, but it would be a road of separation from her. Loneliness would be his alley. One day he hoped to commit to her without losing himself in the sacred dream.

The soul remembers traumatic events. The suffering of another becomes your burden- your cross. Your deepest wounds are your deepest loves. It is in pain you give birth to God.

The energy that filled her, stalked her. It reached the darkness inside of her. She tried to control it- but couldn't. She would have to submit to it. She would have to trust that it knew what it was doing. Her ego died, and the light in her womb burned brighter.

Her perception bended- Faith held her hand. The Great Spirit moved in- stealing her breath. When she moved, it moved with her. She inhaled, it swallowed her pain. She exhaled, it was pure ecstasy . She licked her wounds, and embraced her spirit.

In one of my earlier post, there is a poem published, titled Divinity. Some of my writing is channeled and Divinity was one of them. Here it is again and my interpretation of Divinity. He grew with his angel, and suckled at her breast. Two worlds apart, unable to join them together. Let's break it down into two parts. The angel (being like mother) represents the outer world. He (being like child from womb) represents the inner world. In the Gospel of Thomas Jesus says, "These babies who are being suckled are like those who enter the kingdom." The kingdom is hidden by the division into the male and female and by the storms of passion and worldly cares that dominate our lives. The physical bond of mother and child shows the reader to see and realize their higher calling. The union of male and female becomes androgynous and one could conclude this is in the likeness of God. If we can overcome our humanly desires we become like children. Then we have managed to com...

The tears came. He held them back for so long. He allowed himself to feel. Emotions stirred in his belly. How could he control this passion? One can not extinguish the sun. The masterpiece he created, he realized had no frame. It left him vulnerable. It left him exposed. For the magic to work, he would have to join the dance.

The journey was long. The road at times was steep and treacherous. Sapphire continued on her path. From a distance an image emerged. She was moving closer to it. She could make out that it was a man. Arion traveled the same road. The sun at its peak of the day- knowing in its infinite wisdom that their two paths would cross. When their eyes met, Sapphire saw the stars and felt the stars. Their worlds joined. The power that dwelled in Arion longed to be recognized. Trying to read his thoughts, Sapphire was blocked. It was as if he knew her darkness and yet it didn't frighten him away. They were at crossroads. Words were unspoken. He had to wait for her invitation. Arion understood her need for solitude-for work, for dreaming. She took his hand in hers. That was her way of submission, but he could not lead her. He would have to follow. He knew that what ever direction he moved, it was for eternity.

Her belly ached Her heart ached Ached to be loved and full Her poison was attacking Its own body Her object of her affection had remorse and regret Her pain filled her with hate She lost herself and she died out Like a fire

A woman in scorn, that has been beaten and torn. Lives on the edge of the unborn. She dwells in darkness, created by man's sins. She finds justice, and preys on a man's weakness. They then become her victim. Love taken away, to savor in her next day. She stows their power, and the role- she likes to play. A collection of souls, she has kept with their bones. She leaves them mad and alone.

The four directions of the medicine wheel are south, west, north, and east. If you draw a line from west to south, than a line from east to south, you have a "V". The west is where women live (emotions). The east is where men live (mind). When women and men meet in the south it is for physical encounters. They then return to the west and east, and talk about what they think and feel. Most relationships are all west, east, and south. Most relationships don't have a north (spirit). After you have made love your instincts were awakened and we shot up to the north. This reawakening is so over whelming that they think they are in love and marry. But reality sinks in and your thrown into the west and east life experiences, which consist of who works, who pays the bills, and so on. Then there is endless discussion of what I think about what you said and what you feel about what I think. What's left out is movement to the north. West and east movement promotes understanding a...