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Friday, May 28, 2010

Poem-My Codega

I let my fear subside and worries melt away,
My Codega walks with me guiding my way.

The shadows creep in the corners of the night,
My Codega shines his lantern and it becomes a guiding light.

The unseen turns that greet me up ahead,
My Codega assures me I'm not alone-we are good friends.

The sky greets me with loud cursing and rage,
My Codega speaks softly keeping me secure and safe.

The mountain that seems impossible to climb,
My Codega takes the path that isn't easy to find.

The ascending trail that does havoc on my feet,
My Codega soothes them-his strength runs deep.

The howl of a wild animal carried on the wind frightens me,
My Codega carries his own tune and begins to sing.

My blistered hands and parched throat makes it hard to bare,
My Codega is there to wipe my tears.

When I arrive at my final destination,
My Codega is there to join with me in celebration.

~My Codega (Italian) means someone who walks in front of you with a lantern, showing you the way, bringing you protection and confidence.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Poem- I Am

I am a woman.
I am not flawless,
I am stained.
I am not simple,
nor am I plain.

I am a girl.
I am playful,
I am shamed.
I am forgiven,
with no blame.

I am a lady.
I am desired,
I am craved.
I am pretty,
like a dame.

I am a bitch.
I am argumentative,
I am two faced.
I am crazy,
and insane.

I am a friend.
I am loyal,
I do not hate.
I am weak,
I am your strength.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Premonition of Woman in SUV

I work nights p/t as a caregiver. On March 29 I left for work at 9:50 pm. Before I left I noticed my dome light on in my 2004 Suburban. I asked my husband to turn it off for me because I couldn't get it to turn off.

When I left I got a block away and I felt kicking from behind me (as if someone was kicking my seat). It persisted to the point where I felt that someone was in my car with me. I pulled over and opened my door. The dome light now would not come on for me. It was hard to see anything behind my seat. I dismissed it as my imagination and got back in my car. The sensation of kicking continued. I thought to my self this is crazy! I then said ok God what ever is happening please make it stop, it's freaking me out!

Then scenarios began to play in my mind of what would I do if someone was hiding in my car? I thought to myself I'd honk my horn, put my windows down and scream. I'd do what ever it takes to get out of the car. It wasn't until I got to work 10 min. later I felt calm.

I didn't think twice about it until the next morning when I got home and turned the news on. And to my surprise a woman in a SUV two 1/2 hrs after my experience had a encounter with a man hiding behind her seat! I got goose bumps. The news report said she drove into oncoming traffic and got out of her car.

A premonition is defined as a type of prophecy consisting of a warning of a future event. It is characterized by sensations as anxiety, distress, and uneasiness. It tends to occur prior to disasters, accidents, deaths, and other emotionally charged events.

I've had premonitions before but nothing quite like this. I don't know why I felt what this woman must have felt. The newspaper article never gave her name. The eerie coincidence is that she drove a SUV too.

Police: Man kidnapped woman after hiding in SUV 3/30/10

Monday, May 24, 2010

Poem- Date with Fate

I can finally let go of all my heart's desires,
all of my dreams.
I can let go of everything I hoped for,
and all the in between.
I can only remember how it use to be.
I can only let my thoughts wander to the
future I have not seen.
The way things are and all I hoped for,
I reach for them no more.
My destiny is my sealed fate, and for
that I don't want to be late.

Friday, May 21, 2010

My Animal Spirit Guide

From Journal Entry: Oct. 8, 1997
I was 22 when I met my animal spirit guide. I was in a dark place in my life and desperately wanted change. I started listening to coast to coast am with Art Bell. (It's about paranormal activity, conspiracy theories, etc). It's not hard to start experiencing things out of the realm of normal reality when you listened to his show. I had Art Bell's show turned on which probably triggered my altered state of reality. That's when I saw the shadow of a wolf on my wall. It paced back and forth a few times and was gone. It startled me and I was frightened. But there was a "knowing" that it was my animal guide and the spirit had chosen me.

There are four types of Animal Guides:

Messenger Guide- The message can be spiritual in nature or warning and it quickly leaves one when the message is understood.

Shadow Animal Guide- It is one that invades you with fear. Its purpose is to teach a lesson you have not learned from repeated mistakes. It can help you overcome fear by bringing truth. It usually appears during a time of testing.

Journey Animal Guide- It appears at the fork in the road of your life. It can be a friendly traveling companion if the path is right. It remains by your side until current life cycle has changed. The path may take months or years to complete.

Life Animal Guide- It remains with you throughout your life. You may have more than one Life Guide. The animal spirit chooses you.

Each animal has its own wisdom and skill. The wolf spirit teaches us to have balance between personal needs and those of the family and community. Wolves are loyal to the pack. They communicate by body language and vocally. The wolf teaches us to know who we are and develop strength and confidence, respect our emotions, and face the darkness within.


Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Old Hag

When I was about 7 or 8 is when the attacks began. It would begin where I couldn't move, as if someone or something was holding me down. I would try to yell for my mom, but was unable to speak. I felt pressure on my chest and felt hands around my neck (like I was being choked). When it was happening I would try to wake up. I was terrified as I couldn't see anything in the room with me. I don't know how long the attack lasted and I would often wake up in the morning to find myself and all my bedding on the floor. This happened several times over the years.

I've come to learn that this is known as the Old Hag Syndrome. In many cultures it's believed that a nightmare spirit (witch) would torment children at night. The scientific community calls it sleep paralysis (sp). This is when you have temporary paralysis of the body. It's explained away as a hallucination. It doesn't change the fact that it felt real to me.

When I moved away from home at 15, I thought I was free from the Old Hag. Little did I know that again she would follow me to Phoenix. I wouldn't be visited by her until I was 22. I'll write another blog about it later.


Friday, May 14, 2010

Morning Soul

I began my first blog by giving you the reader some info. about myself. Everyday a have the same routine. I wake up around 7 am to get my son off to school. I have a cup of coffee w/ toast or muffin, and watch GMA. I then put aside 30 min to do yoga or my elliptical trainer. During my workout I listen to music. Music is a way of engaging soul into everyday life. I like to listen to Casting Crowns, City of Angels, or Enigma. Sometimes I will rock out!! But it's important to center yourself & doing it first thing in the morning is the best time. I then take 10-15 min to meditate (that is about all my 2 yr. old will allow). I usually will just focus on my breathing (watching your chest rise & fall works good if your just starting out). I then visualize a white bubble around me. Doing this gives you protection from any negativity. I then am ready to start my day!