Madison Meadows Spiritual Blog: A Journey into Mysticism, Dreams, Twin Flames, & Healing

It seems Darling I have made myself miserable to what is or is not to come. I fret and worry about never seeing you again. All of this worrying has made me so tired. I am a heap of mud- stuck in my own thinking. Oh, next time we meet up in our night wanderings- do tell my soul not to fret! All is well! Affectionately, Sapphire

In the early morning of April 24, 2015, my birthday, I had the following dream about my Dear Old Friend: I was at my best friend's farm from childhood. I am looking for her. I find her and she says she was with her horse. The farm house, the barn, everything vibrated with radiant colors. It put my soul at ease and brought me such joy. My best friend, Jill, grew up on a farm with pigs, cows, horses, dogs, and cats. As a child I spent a lot of time at the farm. My favorite memories is of us horseback riding. We galloped through open pastures and rode on trails through the woods.  In the woods, we discovered what seemed to feel like, a secret entrance into the spiritual realm. Where nature and humans harmonize and time slips away. We would ride horses all day exploring every inch of the woods.  When I left Illinois, at the age of 15, my heart was heavy. She was the one I would miss the most. Her love and passion for horses greatly reflects my old friend's soul - unbridle...

Your hidden nature stays secret inside of you. Quietness is bottled up and it's scent reaches my soul. My inner ear hears words you have never spoken. My inner eye sees the sun bursting from your chest. And I start writing words that only you and I  know the meaning of. Your hidden nature stays secret inside of me.

The day comes when you will run out of sunlight and get stuck in a grave; which measures the width of your shoulders (plus elbow room) and length enough to wiggle your toes (if you weren't dead). Oh Fool, find the Companion before you run out of sunlight. The One that guides your soul in the spirit world. Don't make a room for your corpse. Rather dissolve into nothingness. The world's passages to narrow for soul lovers.

The Exhale For Mercy Prayer has always been a path for union with God. The inhale breath communicates our longing to God. There are nine levels of prayer leading to union. They were established by Father Archimandrite Ilie Cleopa. The prayer of the lips The mouth The tongue The voice The mind The heart The active prayer The all seeing prayer The contemplative prayer The exhale breath is the cry for mercy. If my prayer is sincere and my longing great, then it is always accompanied by an outpouring of tears. In the sacred space of emptiness, I have created intimacy with God. There is a presence felt and colors of soft pastel green and/or pink descend from above into my crown chakra. It is this experience that validates the mercy given freely from the Holy Spirit, and my tears become tears of gratitude.  Reference~ Sophia Rising, Monette Chilson  

From Journal Entry: 9/20/2015   I am in the city surrounded by gloom and doom. I thought about how I need to write down all of my mystical experiences for my children. From the demon encounters to the messages from divine beings. How I need to instill in my children that you need to cling to God to get through this life. I am really sad thinking that my life is mostly suffering from beginning to end. With faith, I extended my arm up towards the heavens and prayed with commandment and unshakable faith. And the darkness of the city did part as I prayed to God. There was a great pause during the transition from darkness to light. It was the breath of silence- the sacred space where God's presence is known to man. God's presence I felt inside of me and outside.  I spoke to Him, addressing Him as Father. And said, "God, Light I don't want to see darkness all around me. I don't want to feel like there's always a storm over me. Father I cannot continue on ...

Sitting in the corner is an old man. He is cracked, humbled, full of wisdom. I gaze into His eyes and another dimension opens up. He sees into me, he peers into my soul. There is no exactness to this science. The cloud of unknowing parts and I see clearly: How is it the old man is me? I am Him?  There is a place where everything disappears from existence, and the dance of life and the dancer are one in the same.

~ A man may be born, but to be born he must first die, and in order to die, he must first awake. -Carl Sandburg ~ Many people live lives of quiet desperation and go to their graves with the song still in them. - Henry David Thoreau ~ There is nothing that will not reveal its secrets if you love it enough. -George Washington Carvel ~ Those who do not want to imitate anything, produce nothing. -Salvador Dali ~ Doing what you want to do is life. And there is no real satisfaction in living if you are compelled to be forever doing something which we do not like to do, and can never do what we want to do. The desire to do it is the proof that you have within you the power to do it. -Tennessee Williams ~ Dreams are born in your heart and mind, and only there can they ever die.    -Art Berg ~ Ideas are elusive, slippery things. Best to keep a pad of paper and a pencil at your bedside, so you can stab them during the night before they get away. -Earl Nightingale ~Be...

Dark thoughts gather nourishment from dark images. Emotional violence creates storms on the inside and then manifest themselves on the outside. Keeping a watchful eye on your thoughts is of great importance. If storms are brewing on the inside who is the one to restrain your actions? Your anxious thoughts give rise to all the problems in your life. You blame others for your misfortune, but do not see the devil's cleverness and the devices he uses to engage you in all your violence. The entrance into the mind must be guarded. Guard your thoughts. Make beautiful images with your mind and when darkness creeps in remember God.

Do tell me Beloved: How long must this illusion go on before I am committed to an asylum? How long can a lover wait before her heart gives out and she dies? Haven't you had enough time to compare me to all your other lovers? And did it not make you yearn for the one whom makes you feel alive? Do you have any pictures of me? Do you have any sketches of me? And if so, may I see? Am I just an idiot for thinking this could possibly be real? Sometimes, I hear a song and it reminds me of you. I have to drop everything I'm doing to hear the song. Does this ever happen to you? Please do tell me if nothing else, what color are your eyes? Your Darling

I am time traveling through this landscape of my heart. My past in ruins, my present unfolding, my future in reach. All of these paths -intertwine- and all of them lead me back to you.

Between this awkward transition between you and I, I must say: your courage has found you, your clarity has defined you, and your good looks only add to my desperate need to be near you.

My grandma, I called Grandma T from the very beginning. She said that I wasn't able to say Theresa. Growing up I never saw her with a man. My grandfather had passed away before I was born. She remained a widow for 20 years. I felt quite sad that she didn't have anyone, but I now realize that she did- she had Jesus.  Visiting her home was very humbling. She often had soup on the stove, her bible on the table, and her crochet needles and yarn by her rocking chair. Her house was always cold because she lived on a very tight budget. Any time I left her house she would say to me, "Always remember Jesus loves you."   Grandma T's Praying Hands Her Christmas gifts were always something she had made by hand. As a child I did not appreciate her gifts, and often buried them in a drawer and forgot about them completely. Even at the end of her days in a nursing home, she kept her hands busy. She did ceramics and crafted many praying hands. The hands that she gifted m...

In my thoughts, I adore you. In my heart, I love you. In my will, I surrender to you. There is no desire above the desire to beseech your mercy, grace, and affection.

From the shamanic perspective when we can't forgive someone, we are stealing part of his or her soul. It is as though we hold on to a part of their essence. The tricky part about this is that we cannot force ourselves to forgive someone. Forgiveness is something that happens; it is not something we do. But we can set our intention to finding a way for forgiveness to happen so that both parties are set free from each other. As we put our attention to the task, we create an energy where forgiveness can slowly begin to happen. Reference~ Awakening To The Spirit World, Sandra Ingerman

I dive deeper and deeper into my subconscious to find buried memories of you. I explore this territory with an open mind engaged consciously in the process of self discovery. How I proceed is by carefully placing my emotions in a part of my awareness that does not interfere with my findings. Then, safely I can identify the cause but be detached from the emotions behind the memory. Because from a Higher perspective the soul does not associate with pain. It's viewpoint is viewed from a perspective of love . And tenderly I can embrace the memory, then I am able to consciously release the pain.

How long will you remain a boy? Dawns must end. Behold the angels of old age. Shake off temporal things then the way a bird shakes off  the night dew. Dart like a swallow from the raging ocean of daily events and pursue the Lord in the intimate company of souls flowing into His virtue. Reference~ Carl Rakosi

Now Available on Amazon! Stringing Beads: Making A Beautiful Life Moment by Moment, Volume 2 Stringing Beads, Volume 2, is a continuation of Volume 1. The book picks up where her posts in Volume 1 end. Madison's path to self discovery takes the reader on a intimate journey as she discovers more about the spirit world and the strength of her own spirit. At the end of Stringing Beads, Volume 2, Madison includes a letter she wrote to her beloved. Her fears and hopes are communicated to him. It is through faith alone that Madison continues her outpouring of love to the beloved and to God for reuniting their souls.   https://www.createspace.com/6430236                                

Occasionally you slip my mind and I get some relief from your memory. Then, you resurface and the sadness mixed with joy fills me again. The guilt I feel for the slip causes more pain, but the joy of your memory satisfies the guilt. There is no end to this vicious circle ; o nly an awareness that allows me to be at peace with both.

The sound of bangles rattle the ground. Lockets explode and make an eerie sound. They have killed another woman- for going to the market is not allowed. The Taliban out spilling blood like rabbit hounds.  Shabana danced and paraded around. Her earrings lie there on her body, where she was found.  Benazir with her beautiful jewels and crown, was viciously and violently struck down. Her speech to defeat the evil and bring them down- left her a target and in her blood she drowned. More and more are dying in public crowds. Their sickness spreading over the world- like a black cloud. So if you hear bangles drop to the ground- take heed like Malala warned: Freedom is being stripped and bangles, lockets, and earrings are not allowed! If you want to resolve a dispute or come out from conflict, the very first thing is to speak the truth. If you have a headache and tell the doctor you have a stomach ache, how can the doctor help? You must speak the truth. The trut...

  The mystery of spiritual emptiness may be living in a pilgrim's heart, and yet the knowing of it may not yet be his. Wait for the illuminating openness, as though your chest were filling with Light, as when God said, Did We not expand you? -Rumi   Some of our inner work is going to hurt. Still, we must search for a deeper understanding of our resistance and the power it has to limit our existence. When we experience pressure, the challenge is literally to open ourselves to it and drink it in instead of resisting or fighting it. Our task is to open our heart chakra, to be in touch with the flow of creative energy, and to have the strength and courage to live from it. When you work with the heart chakra in your meditation, release all our wants and needs, all your cares and worries. Your desires and fears are the logs that keep the fire of agitation burning inside you. Let them go- feel them fall away. Instead, sincerely ask to grow, until you feel an inner shift. ...

The shadow of me is everywhere. If you look at the sunset, With a glass of wine in hand, You will see me in all the colors- Each color an expression of my mood. If you sit in my chair, And rest your feet- You will feel the peace that filled my soul - As I rested my tired body from a long day. If you take a walk down the hill where often the dogs accompanied me- You will hear the sounds of nature that resolved so much dis-ease, From years of living in a busy city. If you go into my workshop, And see all of my projects lying there still waiting to be finished- Please know it is an invitation for you to pull up a stool, Help yourself to a beer, And pick up a tool. And in the spirit of doing What I loved to do- You will feel me in that moment because the shadow of me is everywhere. ~In loving memory of my father-in-law, Charlie Hernand...

Coming Soon: Stringing Beads, Vol. 2  This book is a compilation of my blog posts for the past three years. Also included is a letter and a revealing at the end of the book. Here is a glimpse from Stringing Beads, Vol. 2: "During the writing process of the first book, Madison struggled physically and spiritually. What Madison experienced for several months was a painful ache within her chest. Lying in bed one day, Madison thought she was having a heart attack. When she surrendered to the pain and to God, Madison had a vision of a blinding light from outside her window."

From Journal Entry 4/20/2016 Me and a small group of women are sitting in a auditorium discussing relationships. One woman says, "It is to make the unholy relationship holy, to make manifest the desires of the inner invisible body with the outer spinal body, and to build it on faith." Interpretation: In order to understand the word of God and unite the male and female energies, which lays hidden within you, you have to work with your spinal column (chakras). The spinal column is where the seven main chakras are located. The whole purpose of the spinal co lumn is to consciously work with the chakras and raise the serpent (kundalini). Through fornication (spilling the seed) the serpent descends and we remain trapped in a cycle of birth, death, and rebirth. When a woman and a man practice chastity (white tantra), they reject the impure sexuality. True chastity is pure sexuality, or the activity of sex in harmony with our true nature. Properly used it refers to sexual...

If the heart will, it will lead your feet back to me. If the heart will, your mouth will speak of your state with me. If the heart will, your eyes will peer deep into me. If the heart will, your ears will attentively listen to me. If the heart will, your arms will reach out to hold me. If the heart will, your heart will own a lover like me.

In this slaughterhouse of love, they kill only the best, none of the weak or deformed. Don't run away from this dying. Whoever's not killed for love is dead meat. ~ Rumi

She sat on his bathroom floor not sure what she was sobbing for All the things she wished he had said went racing through her tethered head This was her last chance to get through to him  For she knew fate would be cruel to them So as she sat on his cold floor in the dark with the door closed She let the tears come and the pain go for the man she loved for ever more

Sometimes I just want to sit alone with a book. I don't want to quarrel with anyone. I don't want anyone's advice or opinion about my state or the state of my affairs. I just want to lose myself in a book written by a lover of God, whom also searched out those beings (whether be prophets, saints, mystics, or lovers) that understood the lover's inner state. Amongst my kind, I retreat within. This world is full of hypocrites, asses, and demons.

From Journal Entry 2/22/2014 It is an older time - buildings are rustic , roads are all dirt, everyone is dressed in ancient cloth- like garments. There are two groups . One of men and the other of women. A youn g white woman kneels down . She is allowing someone to cut her long hair. The woman gave her life over to God and committed to the monastic life .   A young w hite man has arrived with nothing but the clothes on his back and has also committed his life over to God . E ven though the man and the woman are in proximity of each other, they have not yet recog nized the ir connection. They both have the same longing in th eir hear t and are destined to meet . E ach reflecting back the wisdom and truth to the other. In this dream, my consciousness is witnessing this event from above. I see the drama play out and feel the longing and love that this man and woman have for the Lord. It is very powerful and moving. I also am aware of their meeting that is to t...

Oh, give me a reason- reason to not torture Others or myself with the infractions of my mind I am not sound of  mind, body, or spirit I am irrational, irate, deranged Oh, how unjust this world is and how fictional The next one becomes  If I do abandon all hope for sanity's sake- Will my heart have rest, Or will I always long for truth of the August reason?

I met a man who feared his life He wore a mask a fake disguise He dressed up  in whoremongers' clothes His face tattooed with eyes that bulged His pants hung low below his waist I thought to myself what a fucking shame He mirrored an image from inside my head A futile image that others dread In this image a face of death Masqueraded by talking heads No consciousness or soul or heart did he own No mercy in his eyes of awareness known I likened him to a dreadful demon I thought to myself what a waste of man's semen The man who loves his demon fears his life And tortures others with his tortured mind    

My greatest fear is that the seed in my heart- will dry up, and I forgotten- lost in time. I a fading memory- whisked away by death. My tomb, just a ruin of a shadowed past.

My mother, after my parents separated, became very bitter and angry. It was around the age of eight, that things seemed to spiral downwards into a dark abyss. Without my dad there, my grandmother intruded more on our daily lives, dictating everything we did and how we did it. My mother often fought with her as she tried to maintain some control in her own household. B eing a single parent with twins was more than she could manage. Feelings of isolation and helplessness only compounded her mental illness. Sadly, most of my memories of my mother are not good ones. Often I'd be the target of her blood cursing screams. She often would tell me, " I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" Or, "I wish you were never born!" Those verbal attacks frightened me so. It was as if I could feel the air around me get heavier and evil lurking within it. I got into the habit of locking my bedroom door at night when I went to bed- afraid she would act out her t...

The cause of pain is rooted in this world. All your desires take possession of your mind, speech, and actions. A million desires run through the mind. They have an Act 1, Act 2, Act 3 (beginning, middle, and end). There is a place without noise, words, and duality- beyond this world the world of Unity , where there is no distinction between you and I.  The speech of soul grows without letters. The soul's desire for expression creates an effect in the world of existence- where it can act out all of it's dreamings.

Up until my last breath I will be grieving in the depths of my soul. My cries may be in vain, but I would accomplish nothing by just lying still. The Beloved prefers for me to moan, groan, and complain. How else am I to get the attention of his longing ear? The memory of the Beloved torments the lover. The lover plays the game of worship. When the Beloved catches wind of the lover's state, he drops to his knees and forgets he is the one being worshipped and becomes the worshipper.

Using your inner senses, you can perceive reality as it exists apart from the play and your role in it. In order to do this you must momentarily at least turn your attention away from the constant activity that is taking place - turn off the physical senses, as it were- and switch your attention to those events that have escaped you earlier. Reference~ Seth Speaks

Sapphire could feel the raw power of Arion's body in her closeness to him. She studied every inch o f his body. She knew the thickness of his hands, the creases in his face when he smiled, and the pleasure she got from studying his form. But there was one thing that troubled her. The one detail that she overlooked. Sapphire could not recall the color of his eyes. This bothered her deeply. Sapphire was always too shy to look Arion directly in the eyes. Yet, it was those same eyes that struck her heart with lightning. Now she would give anything to peer into their abyss and be lost again inside of them.

Photography by Paul Goble From Journal Entry 6/26/2014 A guy gave me a blue classic car. I asked him why he gave it to me. He said he wants me to get excited and admire his work. I told him that in fact I do. It's just I have a deep sadness inside of me. I feel that I do understand how he feels- that he made something awesome and he wants others to admire it. A few weeks ago, I crossed paths with a photographer. He loved my 1960 Buick and asked if I would pose on the car. I hesitantly did. I normally don't like my picture taken, for as the saying goes, "A picture reveals a thousand words."  I do feel he captured my sadness. What I didn't know at the time was that a dream from almost two years ago, would foretell of my encounter with this man, and that through his lens he is able to capture my inner state.

The Lover's doubt grew over the years because of the Beloved's absence. The Beloved reminds the Lover, through the heart-opening, of His nearness. "Do you know the meaning of self extinction? Did your form not disappear into the world without forms? Were you not intoxicated by the Beloved's wine? Remembrance is the key to my presence." When the Beloved and the Lover escape the world of the five senses, they experience an expansion of being that is a restfulness and stillness- that only God, Himself, can reveal to the lovers.

Dearest Layla- You do not guard your thoughts well, for I know the ill thoughts you harbor towards me. What grounds is your vile opinion of me based upon? This only saddens me. I do understand your pain. Not only do I understand your pain, I feel it!  For generosity's sake lend me your ear , so the hearts of our loved ones may heal. Oh, how I wish we could truly communicate with one another so we could dissolve both of our fears. We would feel better (all involved). A united party is a mercy from God! Open your eyes! This is bigger than you and I. Don't you see? Don't let your jealousy blind you. You have a voice, so use it! Write down your feelings and give them form. Do you not see your worth? Do you not clearly see your role in your own life? And in mine?  Silently I remain in the shadows and I smile in the face of adversity. Do not trust the smile I hide be hind. My soul's distress remains hidden from a world deprived of salvation. Will you be my salvatio...