My Letter to Kalei

Journal Entry 11/20/2011

Kalei,

I hope my words find you.  Your in my thoughts everyday.  I want so much to see you well.  It is my prayer that you overcome your demons.  You asked me if there was a God.  Yes! God is alive!  He lives in the heart of every man and woman.  He is the 'being' in the human being.  He is also a loving father, protective brother, stern mother, a good friend, and devoted spouse.  He is all things!  Just call upon his name and he will hear and respond.  It is in the poverty of your own heart he yearns for.  And once you place your heart in his hands, he will turn your ruins into treasure.  Trust and have faith old friend, for he is waiting to receive you.

Love,

Madison

I AM

The boy, Moses, was restless in his bed.  He closed his eyes and imagined what God looked like.  He thought to himself the best way to know is to just ask.
The first question Moses asks, "God are you the sky?"
"I Am", replied God.
"God are you the sun?"
"I Am", God replied again.
"God are you the moon and the stars?"
Once again God replied, "I Am."                                                       
"God are you the ocean?"
God responded, "And I Am everything in the ocean!"
"God are you the earth?"
God responded, "I Am and all the creatures on it!"
Moses' last question for God is, "God are you me?"
God joyfully replied, "I Am my child.  I Am love."
Moses tiredly said, "Good night God."

~Exodus 3:14  I Am who I Am.

St. Clare and Francis of Assisi in Love

Clare and Assisi were mystics and spiritual spouses devoted to God and poverty of the spirit.  They launched the Franciscan orders in the thirteenth century.  She was for him a radiant light who would embody for him the fulfillment of his own vision.  Francis saw what Clare would become and encouraged and nurtured her passion so that she could fulfill her destiny even as he met his own.

Clare was becoming a young woman when she heard Francis preach in Assisi. Francis heard of her light and grace and desired that she live his way of life. In 1213, at the age of eighteen, Clare was consecrated as the first Franciscan woman. She took her life long vows of love of God, poverty, and chastity. Clare knelt before God and offered to Francis the symbol of her worldly glory; her long, golden hair. Francis himself cut the hair in a ritual that symbolized both her wedding to God through Francis, and the mutual sexual sacrifice of the wedding night. Francis and Clare gave up their favorite treasures on earth for the greatest gift they already shared: true love. Francis gave to Clare the first church he had rebuilt.

Francis did not create Clare's love of God; he gave witness to it. It was all she needed to soar to her true calling. He helped deliver her to her true spirit. In Francis she found a partner in Christ, in life, in divine and eternal love. Francis and Clare loved each other and managed households. The distance they kept from each other helped them to retain the spark of their love, to keep their interactions charged and fresh as the years passed.

When we encounter our special love, it is as though the universe has opened up to shower down upon us the promise of God and all his magic. Francis and Clare's passion, perseverance, and success would come from being turned to each other, forsaking all others, all worldly distraction, both wills rooted in the love and service of God. Placing our spouse beside our image of God creates the basis for a permanent longing and intimacy, because in the end, our desire for each other is our desire for God.

Reference~ Saints in Love by Carole Hallundbaek

Celibacy is not about never falling in love, it is about falling in love over and over and over again. ~Sr. Geri Hable

Andrew's Crucifixtion- Part 8

Aegeates commands that Andrew be scourged with seven whips.  Then he sent him off to be crucified.  The rumors of the righteous one's execution flew through Patros.  People were outraged. 
Stratocles walked with the apostle to the seaside location where he was to be crucified.  Andrew greets the cross, "Greetings O cross!  I know well that, though you have been weary for a long time, planted and awaiting me, now at last you can rest.  I come to you, whom I have known.  I recognize your mystery, why you were planted.  So then cross that is pure, radiant, full of light and love, receive me, I who have been weary for so long."
For four days he hung on the cross and preached to the crowd- converting many.  After the departure of the blessed apostle, Maximilla separated from her savage husband.

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Andrew's Disclosure of Adam and Eve- Part 7

Maximilla seeks out guidance from Andrew. Aegeates is going to crucify Andrew.  Andrew tells Maximilla, "I rightly see in you Eve repenting and in me Adam converting.  For what she suffered through ignorance, you- whose soul I seek- must now redress through conversion.  The very thing suffered by the mind which was brought down with her and was estranged from itself, I make right with you, through your recognition that you are being raised up.  You healed her deficiency by not experiencing the same passions, and I have perfected Adam's imperfection by fleeing to God for refuge.  Where Eve disobeyed, you obeyed; what Adam agreed to, I flee from; the things that tripped them up, we have recognized.  For it is ordained that each person should correct his or her own fall."

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Andrew's Capture- Part 6

Aegeates tells Maximilla, "I have captured your teacher.  He will not escape from me but will suffer a horrible death."
Maximilla responds, "My teacher is not someone who can be detained, for he is not perceptible."  Aegeates gives Maximilla an ultimatum.  To have sexual relations with him and bear him children and Andrew will be set free, or he will torment her indirectly through the one she loves. 
Maximilla found out where the prison was and waited til nightfall to go see Andrew.  Andrew tells her,"You have done well, o soul crying out what you suffered and returning to yourself.  You are immaterial, holy, light, akin to the unbegotten, intellectual, heavenly, pure, superior to flesh.  Take knowledge in what you excel." Maximilla would need to take courage- to see the untrosties inflicted on Andrew by Aegeates, through to the end.

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Maximilla's Chasity- Part 5

Aegeates weeps at the feet of Maximilla.  He says, "I have been your husband for 12 years and have revered you as a goddess, and still do because of your chastity.  If you are keeping a secret from me about another man- I will make allowances and I myself will cover it up, just as you have put up with my follies."
Maximilla tells him, "I am in love, and the object of my love is not of this world and therefore is imperceptible to you.  You cannot see it and you cannot separate me from it."
One of Aegeates servants heard Aegeates speaking to Stratocles, questioning him about the matter.  The servant then whispered in Aegeates ear how there is a certain man that performs great miracles and cures the sick and raises the dead.  He tells Aegeates a misleading lie, that his wife has become intimately involved with the man. He then points out the man from a distance and says, "Look master there is the man responsible for the present disruption of your household." Aegeates orders Andrew to be locked up.

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Aegeate's Mistress- Part 4

Aegeate's was an enemy and savage.  Maximilla's marriage was arranged by her mother and father.  Maximilla felt unclean when she slept with her husband. 
Andrew prays to the Lord to protect her and asks her to sleep apart from her visible husband and wed her to her inner husband.  Maximilla planned for a servant girl named Euclia to sleep with her husband.  In return she would give her what ever she desired; jewels, clothing, fine linen, etc.
Euclia flaunted her gifts to the other slave girls.  They became jealous.  Aegeates learned everything in detail.  Aegeates was infuriated at Euclia's boosting and has her tongue cut out and threw her outside.  She stayed there for several days without food and became food for the dogs.

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Andrew Prays on Maximilla's Behalf- Part 3

Andrew, Maximilla, and the brethren are gathered in Aegeates bedroom listening to Andrew.  Maximilla is troubled when her husband arrives.  When Andrew saw her perplexity, he said to the Lord, "Do not permit, Aegeates to enter this bedroom, Lord Jesus, until your servants can leave without fear. Save us all, by repelling that savage lion armed to attack us."  Andrew is speaking on Maximilla's behalf so that there is no repercussion from Aegeates.  Clearly Aegeates is not a man of God and is cruel in nature.

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Stratocles Becomes a Man of God-Part 2

Andrew talks to Stratocles after he dispels the demon from his servant.  Andrew encourages him to bring forth the child he is carrying. "Bring to birth the child you are carrying and do not give yourself to labour pains alone.  I desire what you are bearing.  I love what you are suppressing.  I will suckle what is within you.  I know the one who is silent.  I know the one who has hope.  Already your new self speaks to me.  Already I encounter those things he has suffered for so long."
Stratocles is ashamed of his former religion.  He mourns his former public conduct and he renounces his former self and vows a life in the Living God.

Reference~The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew

Andrew Heals the Slave of Stratocles-Part 1

Stratocles arrived in Patros with his slave.  He came to visit his brother Aegeates.  Stratocles servant is stricken with a demon.  Stratocles pleas for help and says he cannot live without him. 
Maximilla, Aegeates wife, hears about this and says to Stratocles, "Do not worry about your servant, brother.  Soon he will be healed for there is a most God-fearing man staying in this city who can dispel demons."
Andrew arrives to dispel the demon in the servant.  Andrew commands the demon to flee the boy and the city, he also bars the demon from setting foot in any of the regions where there is so much a trace of his brethren.

Reference~ The Apocryphal New Testament, The Acts of Andrew