MADISON MEADOWS: A Spiritual Journey into Mysticism, Dreams, Twin Flames, & Soulful Healing

this love can never die it is permanently written down but i will die of a broken heart because you never wrote back

imagine me in a position of power and influence. imagine me accomplishing all of my dreams that i said i would accomplish. imagine me better off without you in my life. imagine the look on your face when you realize my self worth. imagine the satisfaction i will feel when you realize your own error. imagine my words being shared with millions. imagine your role in my story casting you as the villain for the whole world to remember. imagine every harsh word, look, and act from you being the catalyst for everything that i shall be that you can't imagine.

Oh, Beloved, you come to me completely naked and whisper in my ear your deepest fear I looked into your eyes and held you to me your eyes reflecting in them an island in the distance I join you there and together we float away

you tell me to quiet down cause my opinions make me less beautiful but i was not made with a fire in my belly so i could be put out i was not made with a lightness on my tongue so i could be easy to swallow i was made heavy half blade and half silk difficult to forget and not easy for the mind to follow Reference~ Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur

Beloved, To ache for you Beloved is the same as aching for God. Yearning for you has become my obsession. I have immortalized you in my poetry Beloved because my grief is unbearable. I also desire to touch, as closely as I can, the bliss I felt in your immortal soul's embrace. Do you think Darling that the ache that burns in me, that my readers will recognize the same ache that burns inside of them? How long, my Love, have you waited to hear my words on your longing ears? How long have I waited Darling to look again into your eyes and see the ocean? There comes a time when a person decides to become real. Friends will fall away and even family members become strangers. God has been calling to me, whispering to my heart, " Let the assassin in. Love wants to execute you, transform you from the inside out. You will lose yourself and you will find yourself. The beloved wants to join with your soul now, not after you die." Everyday Beloved we sin, but tomorrow God cou...

I'm very curious... I'm curious about these little bugs that are crawling up my wall. Where do they come from? I'm curious as to why it's still very hot in Phoenix and it's almost November. I'm curious as to what  my kids think about throughout their day and who they will  turn out to be. I'm curious what plans God has for me after divorce. I'm curious about why time feels like it's speeding up. I'm curious how all of a sudden my face has brown spots that seemed to appear over night. I'm curious as to why he even married me and desperately wanted out of our marriage. I'm curious as to how I hate him and miss him both at the same time.  

My bent thoughts  have permanently disfigured my face My broken heart is reflected in my eyes Written all over my face is BITCH! It took millions of years for water to carve out the Grand Canyon It only took one year of bitter tasting tears to carve out a resting bitch face on mine

Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, for they could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps, then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it; live your way into the answer.  Reference~ Rainer Marie Rilke

Yes, I am waiting for you and while I sit here and wait... I am reading a book, meditating, doing yoga, walking, working, healing, looking up at the moon, indulging in a bowl of ice cream, writing my next book, cleaning my house, going to counseling, netflixing Grey's Anatomy, daydreaming, listening to Dido, Christine Perri, Ed Sheeran- over and over again. And in this space of waiting, I am making room for you.  

  From Journal Entry 11/11/17 I have been spending a lot of my time on healing my heart. When my husband left in January I felt abandoned. It brought up memories from my childhood of when my father left. I've been dedicated to this process of healing and decided to try a Inner Child Healing Meditation . It ended up being one of the best and most healing experiences I have ever had. The guided meditation I found on Youtube. Below there is a link to the video. The Meditation: I laid in my bed with one hand on my Solar Plexus chakra and the other on my Heart chakra. I focused on my breath: intake 4 counts, out 4 counts. The guided meditation led to the experience of me observing my Inner Child being cradled in my father's arms. I could feel how safe and loved the little girl felt. I cried for her. She felt loved and protected by her father. Then suddenly, she felt fear and abandoned when he left her. I approached my Inner Child as my adult self and comforted her. I told ...

Beloved, I am seeking a new name for you and I. A word that does not keep us split apart like two halves of a disk moon. When the moon appears half full, her other half is half empty. But this is not so to the moon. She is a whole disk and thinking of her as only a half is a lie! Beloved, I walk in your shadow. I feel you in this body. You speak intimately to my heart. How can this be?! Any description of you and I fails to articulate your presence in me. What I possess and what I have gained by knowing you exceeds any treasure of the richest king on earth! For Darling, I possess the companion of my soul that will accompany me even after death. What more can a girl ask for? P.S.  Even if you came to me in your drunken state, I wouldn't want you to leave. I'd ask you to stay. All of my Affection, Sapphire

Those who attain states of transcendental consciousness seldom discuss these experiences, since the audience of those who can comprehend them is small. Sri Aurobindo offers these words: [Such] spiritual consciousness is all light, peace, power, bliss. If one can live...partly in it or keep himself constantly open to it, he [or she] receives enough of this spiritual light and strength and happiness to carry him securely through all the shocks of life. What one gains by opening to this spiritual consciousness depends on what one seeks from it: if it is peace, one gets peace; if it is light or knowledge, one lives in a great light and receives a knowledge deeper and truer than any the normal mind can acquire; if it is strength or power, he gets a spiritual strength for the inner life or Yogic power to govern the outer work and action; if it is happiness, he enters into a beatitude for greater than and joy or happiness that the ordinary human life can give. No accepted vocabulary ...

A conversation with God will go something like this: God: What have you done with the life I gave you? Reply: I am ashamed to say very little. God: What have you done with your mind? Reply: I am ashamed to say I filled it with nonsense and worldly things. God: What have you done with your sight? Reply: I am ashamed to say my eyes looked upon perversion and wickedness. God: What did you do with your hands? Reply: I am ashamed to say for greed and theft. God: Where did your feet travel that I gave you? Reply: I am ashamed to say they stumbled around in taverns where I surrounded myself with lewdness. God: What did you use your speech for? Reply: I am ashamed to say Lord I used it to curse your name. Your life is a preparation for your wedding with Eternity. How you use your life that He gave you will determine your lot in the next life. Wisely seek Him, know Him, and serve Him.  

Here I sit, hiding away from love. I fear that if love finds me he will see my brokenness, he will see through me and know my pain. He will want to fix me. He will know I am in deep despair, and I won't be able to mask it. So I am hiding out, in my safe place- Where I can be a damn train wreck! And I don't give a damn that I am broken. I'm a hot, beautiful mess and that's okay.

How To Identify A Jezebel Spirit (Narcissist): 1.  Refuses to admit wrong doing. To accept responsibility would violate the core of insecurity and pride from which it operates. 2.  Takes credit for everything. 3.  Uses people to accomplish her/his agenda. Let's others do her/his dirty work. The Jezebel gets another's emotions stirred up, than lets that person go into a rage. 4.  Withholds information.  The Jezebel spirit is a form of witchcraft. The Jezebel loves to control other people. 5.  Jezebel is threatened by prophetic ministry. Reason being someone with a prophetic gift will be able to identify the Jezebel spirit and will attack it. 6.  Volunteers for anything. Does projects for recognition. Her/his motives is never pure. 7.  Lies.  A person with a Jezebel spirit will lie even when they don't have to and are hard to detect. She/he can make you believe anything she/he wants to through manipulation. 8.  Ignor...

The following is from Lyn Leahz Ministries. In her research she shows the similarity in symptoms  of the Jezebel spirit to a NPD (Narcissist Personality Disorder) type. You can listen to her full commentary on the youtube link below. Jezebel was a she devil, a heartless woman. The spirit of Jezebel disguises itself as a good person, but is a very evil person . Jezebel was a heathen woman that married Ahab, the king of Israel.( 1 Kings 16:31 ) Ahab was fascinated by her beauty and forcefulness of character, and fell for her. Ahab went and erected an alter for Baal, worshipping and serving Baal. Jezebel was ambitious and proud, eagerly she seized the opportunity to share the throne of a king. By doing so, Jezebel seduced God's king of Israel with her beauty, wittiness, and charm. Spiritual and moral disintegration was brought on by Jezebel's determination and effort to destroy the worship of Jehovah. Jezebel possessed an extraordinary force of ...

Here I am... Alone . I greet myself, "Hello Alone how are you?" "I have to insist that you be quiet!" I demand. "After all I am alone." No talk. No interruptions. No noise. No worries. Aloneness can crack open the core of you. If you can't stand to be alone, than how can you expect anyone else to be alone with you? Meet yourself first. The world is turning inside of you a thousand yous.

Jesus, Next time I see you in my dreams I want to hug you. You have always come to me in my time of need. You remind me that I'm not forgotten and you are always there by my side. I've lost hope in this world. You remind me that you're my hope and salvation. On my good days I can see the end of my suffering within reach. On my bad days I put myself together in spite of my crushed spirit and put one foot forward to accomplish the day's tasks. I remind myself that this life is temporary and my resurrection body I will put on one day. And when that day comes I will fly with God speed into your arms and give you the biggest hug ever! For now Lord, be my strength so I can face my challenges and give me your power to overcome my enemies. Love, Me  

I expected you to love me unconditionally, wholeheartedly. I expected you to share my burdens and carry my cross with me. I expected you to put God and family first above your own needs. I expected you to keep your promises that you made to me. I expected you to not give up on us, to give 110% no matter what. I expected you to believe in me and in my dreams. I expected you to be loyal and committed to only me. I expected too much.

I found your wedding band today You never did wear it Seeing it sit there says volumes A deep inner sigh fills my heart I hold it for the last time I place the ring back where I found it After fifteen years what's the point of moving it now  

To hell with trickery and lies! Those are devices for the fool to keep him entangled in the affairs of this world. God gives us trials and tribulations to trim off the excess in our lives; cutting out all the things unbefitting to our soul. Some people just cause us pain in our lives and then we spend too much time mending our hearts. God doesn't want us to waste our time in this fashion on fools. Engage with those that bring you pleasure. May the sweet sorrows that they bring to your heart be the sorrows of love with all its trimmings.

Yes, God created the world and everything in it. He started with a blank canvas and designed stars and drew them in the sky. He then sprinkled the landscape with a variety of colors in flowers that gave expression to His essence. His handiwork is everywhere. It's like he dipped His hand in an endless ink well and went crazy like a deranged artist. God's tattoos visible everywhere.

Alchemy is a path to a deep understanding of the laws at work in the Cosmos as well as within the student. The laws can be boiled down to a single statement, Dissolve and Recombine or Take Apart, Purify, and Re-assemble. All things are born, all things grow, all things die, and from death, new life arises. It is by this continuous cycle that Nature achieves Her work. In death, the old life is renewed and given fresh clothing. Death is therefore the key to life, and not it's ending. Reference~ www.innergarden.org

Beloved, I know you have the power to make my sadness die. Take any measure you deem necessary: beat it out of me, throw me in an icy cold river, starve me. What ever it takes! Don't leave until every trace of hopelessness, grief, and self pity are gone.

For over a month now I have seen the numbers 11:11 . It wasn't in my awareness to be looking for these numbers, and it became a trigger of some sort. When I first noticed the numbers I thought maybe the Universe is trying to give me a message. So I looked into the meaning behind  11:11 . My hair stood up on end and I definitely got the feeling that NOW is the time to pay attention! I see the numbers everywhere: on the television, on clocks, even saw 11:11 on a t-shirt. The last time I saw  11:11 was when I was watching a Youtube video and the woman in the video had the tattoo 11:11 . I will forget about 11:11 and that's when all of a sudden I see the numbers again. I have always tried to live in the NOW and feel that when you are PRESENT that that is when synchronicities occur. It's like your receiving a message from the Divine directly. It's amazing! Meaning of 11:11 11:11 is associated with a wake up code, a key to unlock the subcons...

We could be sweet with each other. Talk about our lives, our dreams, our troubles. When I hear a good song that reminds me of you, my insides glow. There is the Friend that enriches your life and waters your soul. His eyes alone make God's invisible world visible.

Last night I looked up at the moon. She was hanging low in the sky- big, but I only saw one half of her. She was orange like a pumpkin. I wondered if she thinks only a portion of herself is present? Or is she aware that the other half of her is with her just invisible to the naked eye? Her color was loud as to say, "Look at me world!" She had a message for me, I could read it in her mood. I stared at her for a minute and great joy filled my heart. Who knew the moon has moods.

I am like a puppet to my sadness. In His hands he holds the strings. Sometimes he tugs hard and I wail in pain. Other times it's a gentle nudge and I find myself a quiet place to weep. Once He jerked me about all at once. My mind began flooding with the promises you made and how you broke them all. I went outside and picked up the first thing I saw, a piece of wood. I then threw it with all my might at the block wall and raised my head to the full moon. I cursed your name and shouted, "Fuck You Mother Fucker!" Tears of beautiful release came pouring out.

Beloved, I keep holding on to the many images of you Darling . They help me get through my day. I had a dream you were here with me. You came up from behind me and wrapped your arms around me. I never felt so much solace and peace in my life. I felt safe in your embrace. Oh how I wish it wasn't a dream! How I wish you were more than just a phantom. But how I do draw strength from your phantom! You Darling are a mystery to me. If I could solve your mystery, there would be no more mysteries to solve. You are a fountainhead that contains all of God's secrets. If I bring you my cup will you fill it for me? All of My Affection, Sapphire

Let the goodness come My Daughter. Sit be silent in the pain. Fret not. Your days are long now and feel like eternity sheathed in darkness. The darkness will pass. There is much work being done on the inside. This is necessary. Be patient and wait for my instruction. You will hear my voice and know it is me. And when you do, you will understand your suffering. I am preparing you, take courage. Your day will come when those whom have tried to silence you will fall to their knees. I give. You just need to receive. Open your hands, turn your eyes towards me. I come to you when you least expect it. Have faith. Show mercy to those whom have betrayed you. Your struggles are coming to an end, their struggles are just beginning. Pray for them. And live your life in such a way that every moment is act of grace. Always remember I love you. ~God  

Don't be afraid to make people mad. Your honesty will inspire true followers. I learned over the years never to correct a fool or he will hate you, correct a wise man, and he will appreciate you. One of the hardest decisions you'll ever face in life is choosing to walk away or try harder. Trust is earned, respect is given, and loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one of those is the lose of all three. You may lose people you love. You may lose things you had...but no matter what, never lose yourself. Listen to what people say when they are mad, that's when the truth comes out. Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel. May my haters live very long to see my continued success and make their lives miserable. Always remember... the stronger your position in life, the more enemies you're gonna have...while friends come and go.  Remember... People can always threaten your very life but they can never take away your dreams. The same one wh...

The journey (spiritual) begins with just a seedling (thought). The seed, watered everyday (devotion, prayer, contemplation) grows. It roots itself into the ground (fertile soil, the pure mind). It's trunk grows and grows and grows.  Leaves sprout and grow (spiritual gifts and blessings). Branches branch off from the trunk (the source, first thought). These branches (acts of kindness, mercy, love) scatter fruit (abundance of gifts) and seeds multiply. This is the nature of a single thought taking root in the mind and by carefully cultivating the seed so it can grow. Be careful what seeds you sow. Mark 7:15  It's not what goes into your body that defiles you; you are defiled by what comes from your heart.

Not everyone is in love with me. There are some that would love to see me bleed. They wish I would just go away, And my face they never have to see. They wish me dead, for I remind them of all the wrongs they did to me. How can one live with oneself If I mirror back the one thing their soul really needs. It's easier to deny the existence of God, then to live up to you true divinity. Wouldn't you agree? My living is their hell, Do you see?  

I use to love adventures I use to be spontaneous I use to make myself laugh I miss me When did my life become so heavy? Get so serious? When did I become so angry? So depressed? I miss me If you see a little girl in your dreams- all alone gazing at the stars, exploring the woods, building forts out of mud- Tell her I miss her Send her back home I just want to love her, and hug her, and spoil her Tell her I will reverse myself and grow down I'm done being a grown up I'd rather be her before society came and dragged her down and enslaved her She believed the world was magical, gentle She believed anything was possible and dreams really can come true What I would give to be inside of her  and see the world through her eyes- to have hope again, to really feel alive, and connected to spirit If you see her inside your dreams- tell her that if she ever sees me that I will play with her, I will take her by the hand,  and for the length of a dr...

Blue Sapphire orchids fell within my gaze They caught my eye  and sent all of my troubles away For a moment I transcended all of my blues And then my thoughts drifted off to you and only you I lit a candle before I went to sleep And placed in on my alter hoping my thoughts would be within your reach But you I don't want to bother Here's a penny for that thought please place it in your shoe I am alone on this highway and I'm breaking all the rules Now when I see blue Sapphire orchids I know to keep my cool Your image helps me transcend my troubling highway blues

From Journal Entry 4/4/17    I am in a car trying to reach a yoga studio. I reach it and there is a lot of sand. It is in a secluded beach area. There is a woman there. She is the instructor.    My best friend and I join in for yoga. We are told to hold hands. We begin with arm warm ups. My friend is told by a woman that she is beautiful but needs to go to the doctor.      My friend tells me, “Men are seduced by nice things. When they surround themselves with friends whom have lust in their hearts for power, wealth, and women; it will lead them astray.”    The beach is symbolic of the meeting between two states of mind. The sand represents my shift in perspective about my marriage and the mental processes involved. The water symbolizes the emotional processes involved. With yoga as my spiritual practice, I will able to balance my mind, heart, and body to adapt to the coming changes in my life. My friend’s messag...

Dear Reader, You will find that some of my recent posts come across a bit negative. I feel I owe my faithful Reader an explanation. It is no secret I am going through turbulent times and that I am feeling very violent emotions. But with do respect Reader to you and to myself, I will own my feelings and give them the justice they are seeking. For if they remained void- forever concealed- my whole reality would be a lie. By bringing my emotions to light, I bridle my anger and guide it with gentleness. I validate it's existence. It is not a hideous monster in me demanding my attention, but a little girl that feels that she's been shoved into a corner and forgotten about. She wants to step out of the shadows and into the light.  God Bless, Madison

Arion,    I was sure by now Beloved I would win your heart over by my glowing remarks on my love for you. There are no secrets between us, for you see all. There is no hiding my intentions from you. I can not bury them like a dog does a bone. And even if I did, you would know where to dig them up.    This marvelous fictional love affair is at times really sad. And at other times very glorious. But I am tired now and my words are splitting pens. I want you to know that I SURRENDER!    I can not chase after you anymore or run from you. My soul is weary. My heart is broken. My mind is divided.    Promise me you will believe in yourself and never give up on your dreams. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Always remember that my love is without beginning or end. Your Darling

Falling in love is the ultimate act of revolution, of resistance to today’s tedious, socially restrictive, culturally constrictive, humanly meaningless world. Love transforms the world. Where the lover formerly felt boredom, he now feels passion. Where she once was complacent, she now is excited and compelled to self-asserting action. The world which once seemed empty and tiresome becomes filled with meaning, filled with risks and rewards, with majesty and danger. Life for the lover is a gift, an adventure with the highest possible stakes; every moment is memorable, heartbreaking in its fleeting beauty. When he falls in love, a man who once felt disoriented, alienated, and confused will know exactly what he wants. Suddenly his existence will make sense to him; suddenly it becomes valuable, even glorious and noble, to him. Burning passion is an antidote that will cure the worst cases of despair and resigned obedience. Love makes it possible for individuals to c...