The Smallest of Cracks

Sometimes you have to wait 

in the dark

For what seems like forever

Stuck

Certain no progress is being made,

not even a little growth 

Nothing seems alive

You, least of all

It doesn’t even feel like waiting, truth be told,

Since waiting implies an end in sight  —

and you haven’t seen one of those 

in ages.

You’re sure you’ve been abandoned

Forgotten

It seems as though your own soul may have deserted you

But then one day

A day you didn’t think would come —

The smallest of cracks appears

Then the crack turns into an opening

Then the opening a breaking free. 

Maybe it was the way the sun hit, 

or how the rain fell

or the planets aligned

or maybe something deep within you simply knew: NOW.

But it’s not just that you’ve come back to life

You’re different.

The life within you feels humbler, since you know you know less now.

And more grounded, since your roots were growing deep all this time.

There was something happening, you understand now

something profound

in that slow and tedious germination.

It’s a miracle, isn’t it?

How even in the longest and most brutal of winters

thousands of seeds are plotting 

a most magnificent spring.

Author ~Leyla Aylin

www.leylaaylin.com

Artist~ Shanna Trumbly

Not A Quitter

 

I'm not willing to quit me

Give up on my healing journey

Even on my darkest days

When I'm crying in the shower

Wishing I didn't have to be strong

Wishing I could just go back to bed

And pretend my burdens don't exist

Maybe my ex quit me

And a few friends along the way

Saw I was too much

Or changed their hearts about me

But I'm not giving up

On loving myself

There might be days I fail

Where I talk toxic to myself

Or say fuck it

And have a bad attitude

For the rest of the day

But I always hit the reset button

And forgive myself

And promise myself to do better

Because that is within my power

It's also within my power to heal

Maybe not all at once

Maybe a whole lifetime

And if that's what it takes

I'm not giving up

Because I'm not a quitter

Turn Towards Healing in Your Intimate Relationship

 

My view of relationships is that they are unique and incredible opportunities for us to face our demons and to grow.⁠

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Together.⁠

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Our intimate partner is there to provoke and trigger some of our deepest wounds, and to bring them to the surface so they can be healed.⁠

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We are either in a relationship where we perpetually TURN AWAY from these opportunities.⁠

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Or, where we commit to TURN TOWARD them.⁠

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This means that when we are triggered or we see things about the other person that we don’t like—or about ourselves—we don’t run. Or avoid.⁠

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We know that “issues” will come up and this is okay. This is welcomed even.⁠

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We use these as opportunities to heal our weaknesses and build our strengths.⁠

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We zero right in on whatever is going on and look at it. ⁠

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Much of the work is clearing space, diving deep to clear away debris and junk and ignored issues that have been sitting dormant or rotting for years and even decades.⁠

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Rolling up our sleeves to get in there and clean house.⁠

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And sometimes we build a new house.⁠

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The old one is often built on the illusions and misinformation people have absorbed about relationships.⁠

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The new one is built on radical honesty, courage, open-heartedness, multiple, life-changing orgasms, and awakening and self-actualizing.⁠

~Kim Anami

What Abuse Looks Like With Just Words

 

So often I let you control me

I did what you said

And even did what you needed

In anticipation you would demand

The thing you needed

Maybe it was the tone in your voice 

Or the bent brow

That I did what you commanded

And never pushed back

Because the consequences 

Were worse than the weight

Of your intimidation 

Twinflames- Silence Would Be A God Send

 

I'm doing my best to stop thinking about you.
It's not easy.
There's a lot of synchronicities that pop up almost everyday that remind me of you.
They remind me of who I was when I was with you.
Now it feels like I'm trying to find my way back to that girl..
The carefree, wild spirit that emerged every time I was near you.
I know she exist.
I'm just having a hard time finding her since you left.
I got so caught up in the feelings you made me feel that I lost my way back to her.
I've seen her inside my dreams, sometimes dancing..
Sometimes running free and climbing trees.
She feels safe in that space..
Safer to be herself.
I don't blame her for not wanting to come out.
There's emotional scars and wounds that would only weigh her down out here.
Some of it caused by your memory.
Some of it self inflicted..
Loving someone that she feels abandoned her.
I tell her I'm here and remind her I'm not going anywhere.
I tell her how much I miss her and even cry.
Maybe one day she'll feel safe enough to come out.
Not because she's waiting for you to return.
But because she feels confident in her own spirit to let her guard down..
Trusting in herself to love again without the fear of getting hurt.

 

Healthy Boundaries

 

Most of us are familiar with hearing something along the lines of, “I broke down his/her walls”. This statement gives the impression that we need to push through barriers… when the truth is that when we hit walls around people and their hearts, we must get curious. When our own walls come up, we have to breathe in, soften, and get curious. What are we protecting ourselves and others from?

Walls come from a place of fear. They keep people out at all costs because letting people in our past has likely been associated with pain, heartbreak, and maybe even abuse. We can’t actually have walls and feel fully loved because the walls prevent the love from getting in.

Boundaries come from a place of love. Not just love for the other person, because we’re teaching them how to love us, but also love for ourselves. When we create and preserve boundaries, we create and preserve self-worth. We send the message to ourselves (and others) that we are worthy of being respected and loved.

Walls keep people out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.~

~Mark Groves

Dream of Song: Thank Jesus for Being Alive

 

The lyrics are from a dream I had this morning. In the dream I could hear a song playing on the radio. It sounded like Steve Earle singing, Thank Jesus for being alive. I woke up and wrote down the song that was in my head. 

Whether you work on Wall Street 
Or on some back street hood
Try to keep it real
And do what good people should

Whether you’re  fighting
In another man's war
Watching the rich get richer
And the poor stay poor
Just don't forget what
All this beauty is for

Stay real, Stay right
Learn to love everyone
And swallow your pride
And at the end of the day
Thank Jesus for being alive

Life is a hard road
Full of wicked turns
Don't forget your heart
And what mistakes you have learned