Most of us are familiar with hearing something along the lines of, “I broke down his/her walls”. This statement gives the impression that we need to push through barriers… when the truth is that when we hit walls around people and their hearts, we must get curious. When our own walls come up, we have to breathe in, soften, and get curious. What are we protecting ourselves and others from?
Walls come from a place of fear. They keep people out at all costs because letting people in our past has likely been associated with pain, heartbreak, and maybe even abuse. We can’t actually have walls and feel fully loved because the walls prevent the love from getting in.
Boundaries come from a place of love. Not just love for the other person, because we’re teaching them how to love us, but also love for ourselves. When we create and preserve boundaries, we create and preserve self-worth. We send the message to ourselves (and others) that we are worthy of being respected and loved.
Walls keep people out. Boundaries teach people where the door is.~
~Mark Groves
