For years I thought if I could just be ′′ enough ", maybe I'd finally deserve their love, care or friendship.
Thinking about it, I feel sorry for letting myself be used like a doormat, like a meaningless being.
I had to spend a long half of my life suffering in silence before I realized that just because I'm kind, gentle and caring doesn't mean I have to let people walk on me.
I've spent a large part of my life trying to shrink myself, taking up less space.
I don't talk much about my emotions because I don't want people to think I'm hypersensitive.
I don't want to be too demanding, sticky or opinionated.
I was afraid if people saw the real me they couldn't love me like this is how love was meant to be.
I repressed myself for years and pretended to be someone else.
I realized it wasn't my job to please anyone, to be less so they could be more.
We don't have to become someone else's expectation, a worthy human being because we are already worthy and we can't wait for them to recognize it because it doesn't really matter.
What matters is how we perceive ourselves, how we allow others to treat us.
We are allowed to be unpleasant to those who make us feel small.
We are allowed to defend ourselves if someone does not respect us.
We are allowed to let go of people who only bring negativity into our lives.
We are allowed to take as much space as we want and not apologize for it.
Seas, heavens and forests don't, nor should we.
We deserve to be celebrated, not tolerated. Ultimately, we finally have to choose ourselves and close the door where we were not appreciated at our worth.
~R Pathak
