From Journal Entry 2018
You are driving a car. Your wife is in the passenger seat. I am in the back seat. All of a sudden I say, "I think the two of you should stay together." You both turn your heads quickly towards me in disbelief and shock.
I
fought for my marriage.
I
fought for a man who did not deserve me.
I
mainly fought for my kids.
I came
from a broken home and did not want them to.
I
thought fighting was the right, godly thing to do.
After
all the hell I endured during my divorce I didn't want the same for you.
Divorce
is ugly.
It
doesn't have to be when there are two mature adults, but in my case, it got
really ugly.
I know
you're not what's best for me... that we both have work to do on ourselves.
I know
your wife loves you.
I know
I don't need anything from you to feel complete.
I know
you believe I'm still hanging on to you.
I know
you have more questions than answers.
I on
the other hand don't need answers.
I
acknowledge the nature of our relationship.
I don't
pretend it doesn't exist.
I'm not
the same person I was ten years ago.
I don't
need yours or anyone's approval or acceptance.
Sure,
you made me nervous.
I was
way more self-conscious any time I was around you.
You
were a mirror pointing out all my defects and also mirroring back a deep
unconditional love that I didn't know existed within myself.
You may
think I am still hanging onto you, but that's your ego talking.
I don't
need answers about what this is between us because I already know.
You're
still hanging on to the questions.
Let go
so the answers may come.
