For
years I was the chaser pursuing you.
Writing
my heart out and knowing intuitively that my words were reaching you.
For
years I hoped you would respond and tell me I'm not crazy.
That
I'm not alone.
That
you are with me feeling what I'm feeling.. going through what I'm going
through.
Back
then, I needed to be validated.
I
thought then I could put an end to my destructive thoughts that I had about
myself.
I
really believed I needed you to tell me my worth.
Through
time I've learned that was just my own insecurities.
That
was me avoiding self-acceptance through self-love.
I
didn't want to look any deeper into myself and see the brokenness.. I knew I
was broken but never dealt with the why part of it.
Divorcing
a narcissist ripped open all those wounds at once.
I
didn't even have time to process my pain.
I was
forced to face my short comings, my downfalls, the broken parts of myself
because what was happening to me was breaking me.
My
world was shattering all around me as everything I valued was being stripped
away.
I had
no time to reflect on his actions because I was forced to ACT.
It
forced me to be strong.
To be
independent.
To
trust my intuition and control my fears.
To humble
myself and ask God for help.
It
forced me to become the woman that I was born to be.
My soul
lesson I learned.
My
karma I've paid.
No one
has power over me.. not even you.
Consider
this a positive.
I can
speak my truth and what you do or don't do with it doesn't matter to me
anymore.
And I
can see clearly now that at some point on my spiritual path, I became too dependent
on you.
I
became obsessed with the dreams of you and the synchronicities that I lost
sight of the One who should always be at my center.. God.
I
started my journey twenty-five years ago with a longing to know God intimately.
There
is no better way to know the Creator than through His creation.
You and
I carry God's secret within us.
We're
the fortunate ones.
We have
been touched by the Presence of God in our lives.. knowing that divine love is
all that exist and that our bond can never be
broken.
