A Mouthful of Regrets

when he left

he pulled

all my emotions from me

i wanted to say so much more

than i did say to him

i wanted him to stay

and never leave

so much i wanted from him

and so much regret left in me

not knowing

if i should of said more

or if i said too much 

to push him away

rejection sucks

whether it's presented

as a proper goodbye 

or as a silent retreat into the unknown 

and the one thing

you're left with is

a mouthful of regrets 

Gaze Up At the Stars

"And if you should ever find yourself feeling lonely, my dear,

let yourself gaze up at the night sky

at each of the stars

and remind yourself

that some other person

at some point in history, time or space

gazed up at the same stars

and felt exactly as you feel now

and you are connected in your heart space

with all who have ever felt the same way

at some point in their life:

lonely, lost, isolated, dissatisfied or unhappy

which is every person in existence.

And so in feeling lonely, 

you are connected to all of humanity

and no matter how alone you may feel,

you are never truly alone.

And as you gaze at the stars,

remind yourself that there are more of them that exist

than there are grains of sand on the Earth,

for the Universe is so incredibly vast and expansive

beyond our imagination

and yet, out of the trillions of stars and planets that exist,

you are here on this one, alive and breathing.

How could this be a random accident?

And so the biggest mistake 

you could ever make

is to believe 

that you are alone and unsupported, my dear.

 At this point in time, 

were you not meant to be here,

you would not be here.

And if you find yourself feeling unloved,

let the sun,

which provides you with its light

each day

without asking 

for anything in return 

remind you 

that you were loved enough

to be brought into existence

and supported each moment to live.

And remember that you are part of nature

and one with all

and so the capacity to love as the sun loves

exists within you

and exists within all.

And just as there are many planets and stars,

so too are there many people.

And so do not mistake another person’s inability to love you

for meaning that love does not exist.”

Words by Tahlia Hunter 

The Battlefield of the Mind

she dragged years behind her

struggling with loss

fighting off fatigue 

wanting to forge a new path

without so much baggage 

years of wars fought

grenades thrown at her

landmines placed strategically 

to obscure her path

some days no sleep

too much gunfire 

to close the eyes

oh, how this life

can suck every ounce of energy 

out of you

and leave you feeling dead

she left the past behind her 

and kept moving forward 

maybe one day

she'd find peace and rest

and a hole

to bury all her memories 

that haunted her

 

Embrace Each Step of the Path

 

"What is your secret to remaining calm?" she asked.

"I am a traveller of life.

I am here for only a short while,

for I am merely passing through.

I came into this life empty-handed

and I shall leave empty-handed 

and in every moment,

I trust that I have what I need 

and that what I need is enough.

I need not compare my path to others

for my purpose is not their purpose 

and my lessons are not their lessons;

all that is required of me 

is to be who I came here to be. 

I welcome change, 

knowing that all is impermanent 

and only that which is truly real will last.

In the storms of life, 

I find stillness within,

knowing that the temporary emotions I feel 

are merely visitors.

And I do not fear pain,

for I know that I will find relief 

and that pain is simply a messenger,

and so I welcome it with compassion,

asking it "What are you here to teach me?"

And I embrace each step of my path, 

knowing that within it lies the destination 

and in every step I take,

I am worthy of love.

And I affirm to myself daily,

"May my light shine 

upon those who are presently in darkness,

and may the world be a different place 

because I am in it." 

Words by Tahlia Hunter 

Skin Deep

she fills the room with presence

empty space disappears

when she walks into the room

all eyes are now on her

her beauty hangs transfixed

on the strangers' faces

she knows she's beautiful 

but how she wishes

someone, anyone

would see beyond the perfect figure and perfect hair

if anyone just peered into her eyes

they'd see a girl

that wants to be "seen"

the room she fills

is full of loneliness 

but no one sees it

they just see what they want to see

what is only skin deep

Life Lived Forward

A voice within me whispered,

“Your life will start 

to make a lot more sense, my dear,

once you learn to view it through the lens 

of where you are going 

rather than where you once were,

and of who you are becoming

rather than who you have once been.

For life is lived only forwards,

never backwards

and so long as you are committed to a path 

of growth, love and learning, 

a bright future awaits you 

beyond all that you could presently dream.”

Words by Tahlia Hunter 

Turn Towards the Pain

Healing for the most part means grieving. You won’t get through this without grieving, my love. 

Disappointment is sacred, you see. You have to grieve out the past, the things you lost, the roads you could have taken. You have to grieve out your stolen childhood, those shattered dreams, a life you thought you were meant to live. You have to grieve out those missed opportunities, words and behaviours you regret, choices made or unmade that led you to where you are, or not. 

You have to grieve out the dream that it could have been any different, the lie that you believed in order to keep yourself going, or keep yourself safe, or keep you on the pathless path to where you find yourself now.

Let yourself be disappointed then! Turn towards the pain of “things not turning out the way I wanted them to”. This is the death of your ego, and it hurts like hell sometimes. You want to fight it, you want to run, you want to protest, but soften. Soften. Let it hurt today. Weep it out today. Scream it all out. The will of the Universe is much more powerful than your own individual will, my love. Fall to your knees and grieve, then. 

Not my will but Thy will. 

Not that, but this. 

This, here, now. 

Grief will return you to the ground, to reality, if you can soften into it, receive its blessing. 

In a pool of tears, the past integrated, you will begin your new life. 

- Jeff Foster

I Wish I Could Love the War Out of You

I wish I could love the war out of you.

So you didn’t dance with fight or flight.

I wish I could go back to every moment

where you were wronged.

And somehow make it right.

I wish I could have fought  for you 

when you were 9,

because you deserved it.

Far before you were mine. 

I wish I could love the hate out of you. 

And replace it with my eyes.

So you could see how beautiful 

you are.

to me. 

I wish I could calm the storm 

that rages inside of you 

when you trip on triggers

and take it out on me. 

Because I don’t deserve that,

but I still love you. 

So I will endure it. 

Because it is not your fault 

that the chemicals in your brain 

try to trick you into 

sabotaging the good things. 

They grow arms to push me out.

They grow a mouth to say hurtful things.

They grow legs that run away. 

But I will walk behind you saying 

“Babe,

I just wish I could love the war out of you.

But instead I’ll fight it with you.

Because I love you.

And you deserve that too.”

You.

Deserve.

That too.

~ Ashley Rose