The Life of Kalei- A Shit Show

 

  Her name was Kalei. I met her in my early 20’s. She gave me a home when I left my abusive boyfriend. She was the medicine my soul needed at that time. There were three of us girls sharing an apartment. Our nightly ritual was tiny wineys and girlie flix with the occasional joint. Those were some of the funnest, best days of my life. 

   Through Kalei, I met my ex-husband (with whom I have two amazing, talented kids with) and my twin flame I met though my ex! I am so thankful to have known such a unique, charismatic, and beautiful woman before drugs destroyed her soul. Her story is a sad one, but I don’t want her to be forgotten in this world. She is the reason for the chain reaction of events that followed my friendship with her. She is the reason my life path took the course it did that led to my spiritual awakening and finding my life’s purpose. May her soul finally have rest.

She was born into a shit show

Mom gave birth to her in prison
She was adopted by an older couple 

With more money than they rightfully deserved
Her father with hidden dark secrets
Strolling parks for young boys
Eventually he got caught
And fled the country
Leaving her alone at 16
Not old enough to legally drink yet
But old enough to get into trouble
Her first lover hung himself
Friends and family blamed her
And drove her out of town
She headed west
To Arizona to start over
Met a tennis player from ASU
But that didn't last
She was use to a certain lifestyle
So her emptiness
Drove her to the stripper stage
Where men were her play things
She learned how to manipulate and control them
She achieved the success she was looking for
But always feeling not pretty enough
Not thin enough
Meth was the answer to all her problems
Use it, lose weight
Look great
It did the trick
Until she became addicted to heroin
And homeless
Performing sex acts for a high
In back alleys and run down motels
She went from a beauty queen
To a used up junkie
Dead at 48
Body found behind an abandoned building
In Reno, Nevada
I loved her
My heart sad when I heard the news
So much potential
So many demons
That in the end
Death gave her the only escape

The Twin Flame Journey- Separation is for Working on Yourself

Let’s talk counterparts and the Twin Flame journey during separation. I have included a picture of The Lovers and The Devil card from the Rider Waite tarot deck. Please notice that in The Lovers card that the female counterpart has her eyes on Divine (Source/God whatever your preference is but for the sake of this, I will use Divine). When the female counterpart is standing in her power as a Divine Feminine, she has her eyes focused on Divine, not her counterpart. She is listening to Divine, she is doing her lightwork, listening to her intuition, and focused on what she is being divinely guided to do. She is working on herself, clearing her energy, doing shadow work, and following her path. She is NOT worried about what her male counterpart is doing. Why? Because it’s none of her business. Separation is for working on yourself, doing what you are guided to do, not worrying about what’s going on in her counterpart’s life. If she is more concerned about what he’s doing, who he’s seeing, when he’ll come back she is not standing in her power. If she is not standing in her power she is not in her DF energy, she is the female counterpart in The Devil card. Notice that she is staring at her counterpart. That’s when everything goes to “hell”. The male counterpart in both cards is looking to his female counterpart. He is always looking to her for guidance, always. As the female counterpart, it is up to her to energetically “guide” her counterpart. If she isn’t standing in her Divine Feminine energy, how can she expect her counterpart to step into his Divine Masculine? As she heals, she energetically pushes him to heal. At the point where both counterparts stand in their Divine power, the DM will take his place as the “leader”.  Until then, it is incumbent on the female counterpart to keep her eyes on Divine and do what she is guided to do. To do everything necessary to step into her DF power. She holds space for her counterpart as he ascends into role as the Divine Masculine. She loves him, she forgives him for the things that he has done before he becomes her DM. ****This does not include abusive behavior. If he is abusive stay away.***** She understands that even though male counterparts do ascend faster than the female, they usually do not have the benefit of knowing what is happening and WILL do things based completely out of ego. She also understands that separation is necessary, not only for him but for her, as well. She spends that time doing her thing, expanding her horizons, loving herself, and finding the joy in her life. She also learns to thrive in her alone time and uses it to ascend into her Divine Feminine. She sends her counterpart love but she does not concern herself with what he’s doing in 3D and out of ego. She leaves everything to Divine and it’s timing.

~Donna Painter, Channeler

One Step at a Time

 

Healing is a journey

Beginning with one step

It's a hard road

With no shortcuts

And the backpack you'll pack

Will be heavy

But as the days move on

And if you're willing to keep moving forward 

The backpack gets lighter

Less troublesome 

And easier to manage

Don't be discouraged 

There will be tough days

Just keep your eyes focused 

On the vision you have for yourself

And the world will become yours 

One Hell of a Day

 

This is how my day started...

Woke up from a bad dream. In it, powerlines came crashing down. There are wolves in the street killing people. Men pick up guns to kill the wolves. I'm trying to hide from the danger.

Get out of bed...
With my first cup of coffee, I look up the meanings to get a better grasp on my inner conflict. Its not good! The dream meaning of wolves attacking... unresolved emotional issues as a result of someone angry with you. Killing a wolf means you feel betrayed by someone very close to you. And a downed line on a street can represent a force or power that has interrupted a person's path to many things as a result of something outside their control. Great! Someone really has it out for me and I have emotional issues (which I already am aware of).

I try to focus my thoughts on having a good day...
I turn on my space heaters in the living room (my heater on the house went out a few days ago). On the positive note, I  got to sleep in until 7a because my daughter stayed home from school the last day before Christmas break. Beats getting up at 5:20a! Yes, that was a nice thought until I tripped the breaker and I now have no heat! So out I go to the breaker box to reset the breaker. Except the damn lid is a bitch to open. Now I'm pissed! And cold! Finally I get it open and reset the breaker. I go inside finish my coffee and cry.

Off to work...
My client wants to go shopping at the mall today. I hate shopping! I've already had an anxiety attack driving to her house and am in no mood to be around crowds. As an empath I've learned to ground myself. I've really mastered this shit! But today I don't want to deal with all of the mixed energies surging through my body. The whole time shopping, I am consciously breathing and mindfully aware of my body's reaction to all of it. I get through it. Thank God!

I just want to get home...
At least that was the plan. I talked to my daughter. She's having neck pain from sleeping on it wrong. Her dad hasn't picked her up. She hasn't eaten anything all day. I can tell she just really wants me home. Half way home my tire explodes! I pull into the park near me. Yep, it's the damn tire! The blessing in disguise is that I know Discount Tire is just two blocks down the road. I say, fuck it! And drive slow with my hazards on and make it.  The guy tells me it will be a two hour wait. So I do what I always do, that I know is pathetic but works every time. I tell him how I'm a single mom. How I just left one client and still have another client to see tonight, and a daughter waiting for me at home. I was out of there in fifty minutes!!

Finally home...
I am grateful to be home. I am grateful my tire blew where and when it blew. I'm grateful to truly feel appreciated by my client who needed me. My day snowballed on me quickly. It started with the bad dream but ended good. My son, who now lives with his dad, picked up his sister. I was happily surprised to see him.  I love them both so much! I'll do anything for them! Even when I'm tired of being strong all the time. They need me strong. They need to know what a strong woman looks like. Especially my daughter.  So, I had another good cry after they left and bitched to my boyfriend about my day. I won't label this as a bad day. But I also don't want to repeat it!

The Twin Flame Journey: Denial

 THE DARK NIGHT OF THE TWIN FLAME SEPARATION ( A HEALING PROCESS)

The shortest path to achieve healing is the one that you take by accepting to go through the stages of grief. The faster you embrace your pain and overcome the different phases of healing, the easier your Twin Flame journey becomes.

DENYING THE CONNECTION:

This is the initial phase of the Twin Flame separation phase. This is a stage that most runner Twin Flames are very familiar with because you get to a state of soul shock and denial for the unconditional love that you feel for your Twin Flame.

You become overwhelmed by your feelings and you put up an inner resistance to the compulsion of always thinking of your Twin Flame.

For the chaser Twin Flame, life becomes meaningless and makes no sense to go on without the Twin Flame partner. Here are some reasons why Twin Flames Run.

For both Twin Flames, you feel numb to your emotions whether you are running or chasing.

When you are going through the denial phase of your Twin Flame journey, you wonder how you can go on with feeling the intense feelings of longing and unconditional love yet you also wonder why you should go on living life with the emotional desolation that you feel because you miss your Twin Flame daily.

Having to live life without your Twin Flame feels like part of yourself has been taken away which creates a void that nothing can fill but the Twin Flame love.

Question :- What is the famous Twin Flame Separation Phase and how long does it last?

Answer :- When Twin Flames are in denial of the compelling feelings for each other, you find ways to simply survive each day; denial of the connection helps to cope with each day and to pace feelings of grief.

But, denial is nature’s way of graciously helping us to only let in feelings that we can handle at that moment.

As Twin Flames learn to accept the reality of the physical separation phase and starts to ask questions about the pain and grief that were triggered by the encounter, you unknowingly start to evolve into the Soul healing process.

As you learn your Soul lessons, you become stronger within to grow an emotional muscle; the more hope and inner harmony that you embrace, the more the fear that triggers the denial gradually fades and it soon dissipates.

As you begin your healing process, all the feelings of unconditional love that you were initially resisting and denying consume you.

ANGER, STRESS, ANXIETY & FRUSTRATION

Every Twin Flame goes through this phase — it is when you get frustrated by the journey, and all the past pain that you used to repress comes to the surface to be cleaned out of you.

Sometimes your Twin Flame’s actions trigger your anger and frustration so that you can heal. These simple can help to overcome most of the obstacles that are hindering a Reunion with your Twin Flame.

Also, different phases of the Twin Flame journey are complicated to understand, and there is no aspect of the Twin Flame process that you can control — this adds more to your frustration. The intense emotional highs and lows leave you hypersensitive and moody all the time.

Anger is a healing phase of the Twin Flame journey and you must be willing to feel it and face it so that you can overcome it. Anger can also be an anchor to give you a temporary structure to manage the nothingness of separating from your Twin Flame. Anger is also an indication of the intensity of the love that you have for your Twin Flame.

BARGAINING:

Question :- How do you find Inner Peace and Balance?

Answer :- Ever reached a phase where you tried to compensate the feelings of losing your Twin Flame during separation? You start to think of the things that you could have done to make things better than they are.

Know that this was also another phase of your healing process because you were going through all the motions of grief.

DEPRESSION:

The Twin Flame depression is not a mental illness but rather an appropriate response of your soul to loss — it feels as though it will last forever but it does not. This is also when you feel grief at a deeper level than you imagined because you start to feel emptiness.

When you are depressed, this is when you realize that perhaps your Twin Flame will not come back after all for the chaser Twin Flame:

For the runner, depression throws you in moments of wonder if you are meant to be together with your Twin Flame or not. You wonder if your encounter was a mistake — or something that will pass. You wonder if your Twin Flame cares at all for you. Depression is a vital healing process for Twin Flames, and above all, all the unanswered questions start the journey to your awakening.

SURRENDER TO UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Acceptance is the acknowledgment of the reality of the physical separation for the Twin Flame chaser — This is when you SURRENDER.

For the runner Twin Flame, you accept the connection — you let it work through you and take its course. You accept that life will never be the same again after you met your Twin Flame no matter how far you run from them.

Acceptance is also not just a notion of being okay — but rather it is letting go — accepting nature to take its course as divinely guided. You let go of the need to control how you feel or the relationship with your Twin Flame. You learn to live with the new norm of your life knowing that things life will never be the same again.

When you accept the reality of your Twin Flame situation, you stop denying your feelings and start to listen to your heart, you start to move, change, grow, and eventually evolve.

You start to channel unconditional love into meaningful relationships and friendships and start to pursue a meaningful life purpose.

You also start investing in a SACRED relationship with yourself through self-love.

You start to live life authentically with overflowing unconditional love.

~ Sunil KS, (4) Twin Flame Journey | THE DARK NIGHT OF THE TWIN FLAME SEPARATION ( A HEALING PROCESS) | Facebook

Seeing You Again After All These Years

 

Twenty years ago, I had a falling out with my twin brother. Recently, at a family funeral, we made peace. I tried several times over the years to reach out and mend the damage. My brother is very stubborn, hard headed with a lot of pride. All these years our rift has kept our family separated.  I can't help but think about how our lives could of been fuller with time spent together.  It's hard to accept the disappointment from the rejection. I try to look at it as a teaching moment where I can expand my heart to those that are difficult to love. If you had a falling out with a loved one, don't give up. Keep trying to reach them. In God's timing healing will come.

Let Your Love Flow

 

Let your love flow. Step closer to your humanness and embrace the imperfections of your lived experiences, involvements and relationships as discoveries blazing new tracks inside previously unknown territory that lead you into fuller connections.

Let your love go. Let it meet you in the setbacks and deep-rooted regrets wafting through, questioning whether or not you did enough of the right things to secure a forming bond. Caress your grieving heart and soothe past yearnings to be held in a certain style and warmth by others who are, in their way, deeply searching for themselves, yet not entirely ready to unfurl and be seen.

Let your love show up for you. Especially when you feel yourself shutting down because you fear you gave away too much. Let your love go into the places unvoiced within. The places where your desires and wounding around intimacy have their own longings to reveal just how worthy and endearing you really are in this world.

Let your love flow...

~Susan Frybort