Pain Wears You

 

She's tired of being strong.. doing it all, all of the time.

As a child she survived her mother and brother.

She’s still haunted by the screams of her mother cursing her.

She still dreams of her brother’s ghost coming after her in the house that gave her so much pain.

Her broken pieces are in the night shadows and behind the walls of her childhood bedroom.

The memories of all the wars fought in that house followed her when she left.

Escape was the plan.

But you can't escape from the wounds.. they follow you.

You can't pack them away and place them in storage for safe keeping.

Your pain wears you.

She figured this out right away.

From the music she picked to the overstated black wardrobe she admired.

She wore pain beautifully.. tattooed her story on unseen parts of her body.

She believed her story had purpose.. served her on her path.

Anyone who met her for the first time could feel her darkness and see the light hidden behind her eyes.. a mixture of safety and danger.

She didn't make friends easily.. yet everyone liked her.

They came to her for guidance.. for clarity and answers to the unknown.

Helping others fed her need to be needed.

It also made her felt seen.

She's grown now.. grown into a courageous, strong woman, but she's tired of carrying her pain.

Tired of feeling tied to it.

Tired of feeling no one really sees her.. like her true self is hiding in the shadows.. still that small, vulnerable girl that just wanted someone to love her, to hold her, to validate her worth.

She struggles everyday with loving herself but she's trying, not giving up.

If her pain has taught her anything, it's defined her immeasurable ability to withstand anything that life gives her.

It’s her armor.. her beauty.. her powerful declaration to the world, I Can Take Whatever Shit You Give Me!