Life As A Twin Flame- The Fortunate Ones

 

For years I was the chaser pursuing you.

Writing my heart out and knowing intuitively that my words were reaching you.

For years I hoped you would respond and tell me I'm not crazy.

That I'm not alone.

That you are with me feeling what I'm feeling.. going through what I'm going through.

Back then, I needed to be validated.

I thought then I could put an end to my destructive thoughts that I had about myself.

I really believed I needed you to tell me my worth.

Through time I've learned that was just my own insecurities.

That was me avoiding self-acceptance through self-love.

I didn't want to look any deeper into myself and see the brokenness.. I knew I was broken but never dealt with the why part of it.

Divorcing a narcissist ripped open all those wounds at once.

I didn't even have time to process my pain.

I was forced to face my short comings, my downfalls, the broken parts of myself because what was happening to me was breaking me.

My world was shattering all around me as everything I valued was being stripped away.

I had no time to reflect on his actions because I was forced to ACT.

It forced me to be strong.

To be independent. 

To trust my intuition and control my fears.

To humble myself and ask God for help.

It forced me to become the woman that I was born to be.

My soul lesson I learned.

My karma I've paid.

No one has power over me.. not even you.

Consider this a positive.

I can speak my truth and what you do or don't do with it doesn't matter to me anymore.

And I can see clearly now that at some point on my spiritual path, I became too dependent on you.

I became obsessed with the dreams of you and the synchronicities that I lost sight of the One who should always be at my center.. God.

I started my journey twenty-five years ago with a longing to know God intimately.

There is no better way to know the Creator than through His creation.

You and I carry God's secret within us.

We're the fortunate ones.

We have been touched by the Presence of God in our lives.. knowing that divine love is all that exist and that our bond can never be broken.

The Fire in a Woman's Belly- 5 Star Book Review

 

Reviewed by Vernita Naylor for Readers' Favorite

Grit. Raw. Explosive. Fear. Life is depicted not only in the words but in the written form within this book of poems. Madison Meadows displays the different elements of traumatic expressions that the reader will experience and feel when reading over thirty poems in The Fire in a Woman's Belly 1. This book reflects the push and pull of emotions that abuse causes to one's psyche. Abuse takes on several forms from mental to physical which leaves not only bruises but scars in different ways. Hear the voice of the author speak and expose the many women (and now men) suffering from the hurt, disrespect, and wounds of victims. This book creates a double-edged sword effect due to its transformation position of change. I love the poems in this book. Immediately you're hit with the passion of the author through the writing. I enjoyed the whole book but my favorites were The Crowd of Sorrows, Unwanted, Temporary Event, Fixed On God and I Miss Me. As the reader comes to the climax of the collection, Madison Meadows focuses on healing, release, hope, and self-love. While each of the poems tantalized my senses, as the author began to close this chapter of life, the poems A Lifetime of Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and The Fire in a Woman's Belly help to settle the spirit. Healing from abuse is a process and will take a while to overcome but with a book of poems of reflective expressions, you will see that you're not alone. The Fire in a Woman's Belly 1 is highly recommended.

Ebook Link https://linktr.ee/mysticmadisonmeadows 

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Already Worthy

 

For years I thought if I could just be ′′ enough ", maybe I'd finally deserve their love, care or friendship.

Thinking about it, I feel sorry for letting myself be used like a doormat, like a meaningless being.

I had to spend a long half of my life suffering in silence before I realized that just because I'm kind, gentle and caring doesn't mean I have to let people walk on me.

I've spent a large part of my life trying to shrink myself, taking up less space.

I don't talk much about my emotions because I don't want people to think I'm hypersensitive.

I don't want to be too demanding, sticky or opinionated.

I was afraid if people saw the real me they couldn't love me like this is how love was meant to be.

I repressed myself for years and pretended to be someone else.

I realized it wasn't my job to please anyone, to be less so they could be more.

We don't have to become someone else's expectation, a worthy human being because we are already worthy and we can't wait for them to recognize it because it doesn't really matter.

What matters is how we perceive ourselves, how we allow others to treat us.

We are allowed to be unpleasant to those who make us feel small.

We are allowed to defend ourselves if someone does not respect us.

We are allowed to let go of people who only bring negativity into our lives.

We are allowed to take as much space as we want and not apologize for it.

Seas, heavens and forests don't, nor should we.

We deserve to be celebrated, not tolerated. Ultimately, we finally have to choose ourselves and close the door where we were not appreciated at our worth.

~R Pathak

Silent Storms

 

She was a combination 

Of a tempered fire

And cool rain

Capable of hiding hurt

Behind eyes

Of silent storms

Twin Flame Dream: Hanging On

 

From Journal Entry 2018

You are driving a car. Your wife is in the passenger seat. I am in the back seat. All of a sudden I say, "I think the two of you should stay together." You both turn your heads quickly towards me in disbelief and shock.

I fought for my marriage.

I fought for a man who did not deserve me.

I mainly fought for my kids.

I came from a broken home and did not want them to.

I thought fighting was the right, godly thing to do.

After all the hell I endured during my divorce I didn't want the same for you.

Divorce is ugly.

It doesn't have to be when there are two mature adults, but in my case, it got really ugly.

I know you're not what's best for me... that we both have work to do on ourselves.

I know your wife loves you. 

I know I don't need anything from you to feel complete.

I know you believe I'm still hanging on to you.

I know you have more questions than answers.

I on the other hand don't need answers.

I acknowledge the nature of our relationship.

I don't pretend it doesn't exist.

I'm not the same person I was ten years ago.

I don't need yours or anyone's approval or acceptance.

Sure, you made me nervous.

I was way more self-conscious any time I was around you.

You were a mirror pointing out all my defects and also mirroring back a deep unconditional love that I didn't know existed within myself.

You may think I am still hanging onto you, but that's your ego talking.

I don't need answers about what this is between us because I already know.

You're still hanging on to the questions.

Let go so the answers may come.

The Astral Traveler

 

Often times she feels trapped in this world.

She is always thinking about her great escape.

Yes, death invades her thoughts a lot and she welcomes the intrusion.

The world, in her eyes, is a prison.

She feels strongly this way about it because she is a magician of sorts, in her own mind.

Nighttime is an invitation to explore other worlds.

She mastered the art of leaving her body at a young age.

It is natural for her.

It's in the twilight hours when she is completely free.

Coming back into her body is always a disappointment.

The heaviness sets in first and then the reality of being stuck back in an aging body hits hard.

It's a sadness you wouldn't understand unless you're an astral traveler.

There are no limits, no obligations, no rules to follow.

Just an intention set by you to go wherever your heart desires.

Literally!

So if you think she's the crazy one, think again.

She knows the secret.

She knows the way out.

She longs for the nights because the moon welcomes her and calls her by name.

The Ache of Separation

 

And he is waiting.

He watches her;

He feels

The

Pull,

But remains silent.

She senses

His soul

Crying

Out for her,

But

Remains

Silent.

"Not now"

The universe whispers.

He understands

How she feels,

He feels it too.

"Not now"

The universe whispers.

He is

Growing

Into the man

He believes

She deserves,

And he waits,

In the silence;

In the background;

Watching her,

Waiting.

He knows

She needs time

To heal;

He longs to see her

Blossom again.

He whispers

Silent

Words

Of encouragement;

She hears them.

They both

Wait

Without

Standing still, and

Feel each other

Without

Touch.

"Not now"

The universe whispers,

"Be patient and trust what you feel."

He is there

He is waiting.

He is the

Love she seeks.

He has mirrored her journey;

Felt the pain.

"Not now"

The universe whispers,

But

Soon,

So he waits;

He feels;

He stays silent,

But strong.

She waits;

She grows;

She knows

This is the love

She lived her

Lifetimes for.

She has waited a Thousand

Years,

She would

Wait a

Thousand

More.

~ Unknown 

Life- Keep Doing You

 

I don’t trust happiness. When I'm happy I start wondering how long before everything falls apart. How long before I'm curled up in the corner crying my heart out because someone broke it again. I trust myself to make good decisions.  I trust my intuition to guide me. The problem is so often when I open up to someone, later, down the road, I start wondering if I'll get burned because that's what my past has taught me.

A woman should feel safe in her man's arms. Always. But she should also heal her wounds and change outdated belief systems in order to be in a healthy relationship with herself and her partner. Otherwise, she'll repeat old karmic cycles.

I'm doing my best to nurture my needs and meet new standards I've set for myself. It isn't easy. There is always that voice of doubt whispering, don’t trust anyone ever again. I've realized you have to put yourself out there, make yourself vulnerable if you're ever going to experience real love.

As women we wear our scars and feel they are just the sad story of our failures in past relationships. When in fact they're beautiful. They have made you a stronger woman with more passion and a greater perspective about life. I wear my scars proud. If you love yourself, love all the broken, neglected parts too. The right man will see the beauty in your scars. The right man will know how to hold space for your pain. The right man will love your brokenness. Whether or not if you found him, keep healing and moving forward. Keep doing you!

Quotes on Life Learnt

1. “To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow—this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.”

2. “To lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life.”

3. “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”

4. “Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.”

5. “A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.”

6. “It all goes away. Eventually, everything goes away.”

7. “This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”

8. “When you’re lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you’ve just wandered off the path, that you’ll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it’s time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don’t even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”

9. “There’s a crack (or cracks) in everyone…that’s how the light of God gets in.”

10. “You were given life; it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.”

~Elizabeth Gilbert