 |
| January 2017 |
I did my best to push you away.
I
didn't want to let you in but you were persistent.
There
are so many unloved, neglected parts of myself that even I have a hard time
accepting.
I built
walls to protect myself.
I
accepted a long time ago that I may never be loved the way I needed to be loved
by a man unless he could see past my walls.
You
found me at my lowest low and loved me anyway.. despite my hopelessness and
brokenness.
Your
soul came to my aide every time I needed you.
But
when I finally felt we were at a place where we could finally level up with
each other, you let me fall.
It
created doubt.
It was
a setback for me in a huge way.
My
faith was shaken.
I want
to believe that if you lied, it was to protect me.
Regardless,
the damage was done.
And the
man I needed you to be, my defender, did not come to my rescue.
I've
never been a believer in fairytales until I met you and then I wanted to
believe.
My
spirit that day was crushed.
I never
felt so alone in my life.
You are
not to blame for the problems I had to face.
I only
blame myself for allowing myself to be carried away by any expectations I
placed on you.
I
realize I misplaced my strength and needed to find it within me.
I have
forged a new path for myself and am better because life demanded that I do so
and do it alone.
It's
always been in those darkest hours when I'm in great despair, crying out to an
empty void, that God shows up because He hears me when it feels no one else does.
I am a
woman that's been beaten down many times, and every time I find the strength to
rise again.
I have
learned a valuable lesson.
I have
learned that I can depend on myself always.
I want
to say to you, don't feel bad.
Don't
feel bad for not being the hero I thought I needed you to be.. that's on me.
This is
not a fairytale.
A twin
flame journey is what I have labeled it.
And it
has been full of what feels like heavens and hells.
But I
would change nothing.
I don't
doubt that you have loved me to the best of your ability.
The
thing is it's not enough for me anymore.
I
honestly don't know how I feel about you anymore.
I do
know I'm not scared to know what you might or might not say to me.
Leaving
things, as they are between us, feels unfinished.
It
doesn't feel right.
This
journey with you has healed many wounds.
That's
what I want you to know.
I hope
I've had the same effect on you.
I've
realized a lot of things needed to change within myself and within my life (the
inner and outer needed to align).
If you
look at it from that perspective then you were part of forcing that change.
So,
thank you. My soul needed that.
Journey
well and be loved. XXOO
