My son recently moved out. I can't help but reflect on the last 21 years. And I'm asking myself, what has he taught me. More than anything he has shown me what a healthy masculine looks like. He's gentle, consistent, considerate, loving, patient, kind, thoughtful, and strong. I'm proud of the man he is becoming and feel blessed to be the woman that raised him. I know he's got all his dad's good qualities. I know though that he's got a quiet reflective nature within him that leads me to think he did learn something from me. I will leave it at that.
I came across a journal entry that I wrote when he was twelve. I think a lot of boy moms will relate to it's simple yet reflective message. All those moments behind you. Now those daily interactions you had with him mean so much more. They're forever in your memory.
Journal Entry 2016
Son,
While you're away at camp, I won't miss your stinky socks in the middle of the floor. Your urine stains around the toilet. Me, yelling at you to brush your teeth before bed. All the torture you put your sister through. The homework battles after school. Me hiding your laptop so you'll spend more time with real people in the real world then you do on Roblox. I won't miss the battle of getting you to eat the dinner I made you. You and your sister fighting in the car on the way to school. The nagging I do to get you to do your chores.
I will miss your sassy remarks when I say something you don't like. I will miss the spontaneous hugs you give me when sister isn't around. I'll miss the insightful questions you ask about the world. I'll miss your smile. I'll miss your sense of humor. I'll miss how even when you make me mad, you can make me laugh. I'll miss your thoughtfulness towards others. Your ingenuity at figuring things out and fixing things. I'll miss watching movies with you. It's nice to have someone who shares my interest in Sci-Fi and fantasy. I'll miss your helpfulness at the store. I'll miss your perception of the world around you. I'll miss how your hair smells.And how you wear my shoes and I wear yours.
And while you're away at camp, I'm sure that I will be wishing that there was a way to freeze you so you could always remain twelve years old and my sweet little boy.
Love Mom