There is No Hiding in a Conscious Relationship

There is no such thing as a totally conscious relationship because the very nature of relationship is to draw forth the unconscious and realistically one cannot draw forth the unconscious without acting it out at some point…

This is all part of the healing, it is not a failure, it is the very fire from which the phoenix rises…

So what determines a conscious relationship?

Simply put, it is a relationship in which the conscious always gets the better of the unconscious, it is an arena for constant shedding and surrender and this can only happen because of the committed intention of both partners that is supported by their respect and love for each other…

You cannot have a conscious relationship with someone who is not ready to release their false self image, the desire for liberation has to be greater than ego’s fear of annihilation and just as importantly, the desire for the other's freedom has to be greater than the need for possession and ownership...

There is no arrival in a conscious relationship, no fairytale forever after... It is a journey of evolution of two souls upholding the highest in each other and that contract has its own timing.

This is not a relationship for the faint hearted, it takes a warrior spirit because there is no room for hiding, no face to mask, no receptacle for projection, no one to blame, no one to make you whole... At the end of the day there is only a mirror of you facing you and in that facing, if there is compassion for self, the divine marriage takes place within.

~Caroline de Lisser

When God Created Woman

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.

An angel came by and asked, “Why spend so much time on her?"

The Lord answered, “Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?

She must function in all kinds of situations.

She must be able to embrace several kids at the same time.

Have a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart.

She must do all this with only two hands.

She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day.”

The angel was impressed, "Just two hands...impossible!

And this is the standard model?"

The angel came closer and touched the woman.

“But you have made her so soft, Lord."

"She is soft", said the Lord,

"But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome."

"Can she think?" The angel asked.

The Lord answered, "Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate."

The angel touched her cheeks.

"Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her."

"She is not leaking...it is a tear" the Lord corrected the angel.

"What's it for?" Asked the angel.

The Lord said, “Tears are her way of expressing her grief, her doubts, her love, her loneliness, her suffering, and her pride."

This made a big impression on the angel,

"Lord, you are a genius. You thought of everything. A woman is indeed marvelous!"

Lord said, “Indeed she is.

She has strength that amazes a man.

She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens.

She holds happiness, love, and opinions.

She smiles when she feels like screaming.

She sings when she feels like crying.

Cries when happy and laughs when afraid.

She fights for what she believes in.

Her love is unconditional.

Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies but she finds strength to get on with life."

The angel asked: "So she is a perfect being?"

The Lord replied, "No. She has just one drawback...she often forgets what she is worth.”

-Donna Ashworth

Buried in Regret

there was a lie

buried in his chest

he loved her

all these years apart

and the sting

of that love 

still haunts his days

and keeps him awake at night

he knows he has to tell her his truth

or be buried

in regret

the rest of his life

 

A Relationship That is Alive

The healthiest relationships are the honest ones, the ones grounded in Presence, not fantasy or false hope, and a deep commitment to a living truth. Where two souls can share their authentic, real-time, embodied selves with each other, reveal their deepest truths – raw, messy, unresolved, unfinished and rough at the edges - and continually let go of their preconceived, conditioned ideas about how they ‘should’ be. The relationship is continually renewed in the crucible of intimacy. There may be ruptures, misunderstandings, intense feelings of doubt, anger, fear, anxiety and groundlessness along the way, yes, of course, but there is a mutual willingness to face this mess as it arises. To be vulnerable. To say “I hurt. I am in pain. I feel deep sorrow” and not blame the other for that pain. To say “I need some support” but not demand it of the other. To share desires and hopes and longings and dreams and not command that the other see things in the same way, or meet all of your needs. To receive their ‘no’ and their ‘yes’ too, even if it hurts. To stay in the crucible of transformation; to look with wide open eyes together at the present rupture, not turning away, or clinging to ‘the way it used to be’ or follow other people’s ideas about how things ‘should’ be. To let second-hand concepts of happiness burn up. To sit together sometimes in the rubble of shattered dreams and expectations, plans and hopes, and work towards finding a place of reconnection, repair and reconstruction. This is the courageous and often intense work of relationship.

Even if we have to start by admitting deep feelings of disconnection. This is a relationship that is alive. A relationship that makes space for our deepest longings, fears, pains, yet does not expect the other to resolve these, or take the hurt away. That asks the other to be a witness, a midwife for our own healing. And offers the same in return.

To inspire each other to find our own happiness. Even if that means letting go of or 'breaking up' the relationship in its current form. Love holds the other lightly, it does not cling or attempt to control. It only wants the best for the other, only wants them to step into their power, live their fullest life, find their deepest joy, follow their original path, learn to love their bodies and their own deepest feelings, and find new ways to take care of themselves.

“I love you, and I want you to flourish”.

Relationship can be the ultimate yoga, yes, an ever-deepening adventure and rediscovery of ourselves and each other, rediscovering ourselves in the mirror of each other, a continual letting-go and a meeting, a dance of aloneness and togetherness, not losing ourselves in either extreme but playing somewhere in the middle. Sometimes coming together, sometimes moving apart. Closeness and space. Intimacy with other, intimacy with self. Breathing in, breathing out. Relationship is not a place we reach, a point of arrival, a destination, a 'thing', a dead story; it is alive, and forever a point of departure, a beginning, each day. We can only start together, here, and there is joy in that beginning. There is excitement in the not knowing. There is life in the continual death of expectations. Staying close to a healthy fear of loss. Staying near to the groundlessness of things without losing ourselves in that groundlessness. Finding safety in the uncertainty. Finding a new ground in the power of love itself. Standing where we stand. Breathing in, and breathing out.

As Eckhart Tolle says, relationships aren't here to make us happy - for true and lasting Happiness lies within us all, that unshakable Presence that nobody can ultimately give us, or take away. We are safe either way. Others will not complete us. They will not save us, or resolve our deepest inner experience for us. They will, however, give us the gift of exposing our wounds, our inner children, those lost fragments, bringing them to the surface, the places within us that are crying out for empathy, those beautiful orphans of the light.

And then, a risk! To reveal our raw hearts, our loneliness, our vulnerability, our sensitivity, our not knowing, our joy, our ‘shameful’ secrets, to another human being on this small blue planet in the vastness of space. To drop the mask and expose the unprotected, unguarded heart. To risk being rejected, left alone, shamed and ridiculed. To risk a repetition of the old, perhaps.

But a bigger ‘risk’, maybe: To be loved for who we are! To be held in the blinding light of another’s fascinated attention, like a baby held with such tenderness by an adoring, attentive mother. To be met in the present moment, nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. To let in the New. To risk losing the image, the false self, the carefully constructed persona, and to let another embrace the softness here. This is the highest possibility of relationship. To see another’s exquisitely delicate heart and to let your own soft heart be seen. In the seeing, there can be healing, transformation, great beauty. We can be therapeutic vessels for our brothers and sisters. We can bring each other medicine, encouragement and great companionship on this sometimes lonely path of coming alive before we die.

And maybe it takes a lifetime to discover: The One you always longed for was actually deep inside of you. And to have that One reflected by another – a partner, a friend, a lover, a therapist, or an animal, a tree, a mountain, the moon or the Vastness of the Cosmos – even if it’s only for a moment..

…well, then you know Heaven on Earth.~~

~Jeff Foster

Only the Priceless

Stop thinking she breaks easily. 

Not everything which shatters is fragile or frail. She isn’t delicate. 

She wasn’t torn apart by something minor. 

The most valuable things endure. 

Only the priceless survives. 

Be gentle because she’s hard on herself. 

Treat her carefully because others 

have been so careless. 

Give reassurance freely 

because it costs nothing. 

Fear of abandonment is still real 

even when all you’ve known is doing it alone. Bring your resolve. 

She’s tired of temporary, flimsy. 

And people who flee 

at the first sign of adversity. 

Maybe a reason why her pain runs deep 

is because she doesn’t exist on the surface. Her emotions have roots. 

Her love is wholehearted. 

The most tender people are rarely given the opportunity to be anything other than domineering. 

Be sturdy, steadfast, 

and give her space to be soft. 

Give her room to relax. 

Feel the knots in her chest loosen 

and see someone who never had a choice 

but to be strong. 

~ J. Raymond 

The Witching Hours/The Shocking Truth

   

 

i made room

for your dreaming

in me

i let your ghost

invade me in my slumber

i made room

for your thoughts 

to reach my heart

as i slept

and upon awakening 

always hoping 

that tomorrow 

you'd remember my name

and all your insecurities 

you'd put aside

to call me

so i could hear your voice 

like i do

when i'm dreaming of you

but it's only

in the witching hours

that you invade

my space

and i'm reminded 

again and again 

you are not real

but your ghost

confused

regards me as home

Love and Sex

A relationship will only be as good as the sex.

We can make a list about what brings and keeps two people together. We can talk about compatibility and shared ambitions and goals, but if a certain sexual chemistry isn’t there, nothing in the world can make up for it.

There is a reason why sex is important for couples. With physical connection, we are able to gain greater insight to our subconscious connection.

We all experience intimacy differently, but we all crave relationships that cater to our current mental, spiritual and emotional states. This craving for intimacy binds us together.

Regardless of religious beliefs, there is no ignoring the cultural and historical importance of sex between lovers. It’s used to consummate a marriage, achieve spiritual ascension or even open the third eye through kundalini awakening.

Sex is the vehicle for our love.

So, what happens when the sex just isn’t great?

The first thing we have to do is get real with ourselves; we have be honest about why the sex isn’t measuring up. Are we mentally or emotionally disconnected from our lover? Is there a lack of total trust? Are insecurities, from one or both of us, inhibiting our openness to the experience? Have we submitted to roles within the relationship yet?

All of these questions are necessary for discovering why the sex isn’t measuring up, and what this means for the relationship.

I believe that the best sex and the best relationships are one and the same. Amazing sex—soul dipping, erotic, eye-gazing, toe-curling sex—can’t be had with someone we only lust after. This type of sex can only happen when we have submitted to one another.

But what does this mean?

Submitting to one another is a mutual exchange of energy. It means that we are completely opening ourselves up to the other. It means that we trust the other person with the deepest parts of ourselves that we don’t always reveal to outsiders.

This isn’t about being submissive; it’s about choosing to let down our walls.

It also means a willingness to discuss and accept the roles within a relationship. Each partner has specific strengths, according to the divine feminine or masculine. We can be the yin to the other person’s yang.

When we battle against this balance, and try to do everything on our own or ignore the other’s strength, then we will feel a constant tension between us. A feeling of uneasiness will translate in the bedroom as well. Because if we haven’t fully submitted to one another outside of the bedroom, then there is no way that we will be able to do it between the sheets.

Sex is a barometer for the relationship.

Maybe sex isn’t everything, but it is an awful lot. Intimacy is important because it connects two people, but sex establishes the roots of a partnership. It’s where we openly and willingly submit to our lover; we let them into our space and bodies, which allows our energies to meet and grow together.

It’s the closest we can be to another person.

Sometimes when we have the effortless feeling of just clicking with someone, it’s because we’re feeling a natural mutual submission of our souls coming together. When the sex is amazing, it means that we have already openly submitted to one another. We trust one another and feel comfortable enough to let someone see us in ways no one else will. (Even with the lights on.)

If we constantly feel the need to have sex in the dark, we have to question the depth of the relationship. If we can’t uncover our bodies with our lover, then there isn’t any way we can bare our souls to them.

The way sex speaks about our relationship is an aspect that can’t easily be changed. We try different sexual positions, or try more ways to open up, but many times it just ends up feeling forced.

The reason why some couples have amazing sex is because of chemistry, which is often overlooked. What this word really refers to is the inexplicable magnetic attraction between two souls. It’s not just physical attraction, but something deeper. When we have a high level of chemistry with someone, we also have a deeper connection, which results in a better and healthier relationship outside the bedroom.

Love is all about connection.

It’s about letting someone in and being invited into another’s soul. It’s about choosing to surrender to the connection, attraction and love in general.

A deep, sexually romantic connection comes from the ability to communicate about the twisted and dark aspects of our souls. It’s the knowledge that no matter what we do, or what we look like, our partner will still accept and love us.

When we feel loved and accepted, we also feel desired. Our lovers make us feel like they are insatiable for us.

The truest test of how good a relationship will be is how hot it burns in the bedroom. Because there’s no doubt that if the sex is amazing, the relationship will be as well.

~Kate Rose