Gems of the Past

clutching the memory
of us
in my two hands
i struggle to let go
the present
grips me in pain
as my mind
forces me to relive
the history of you and i
my heart
accounting it
as a treasure 

When the Mind Slips

Oh Beloved, may I never 
leave God or heaven 
for when my thoughts 
are on you, I am in heaven 
but if there is a slip 
on my part, I am in hell

Ask Yourself

darling,
don't you
deserve
a love
that feels
like a heaven
than a love
that keeps
you in a hell?

My Spiritual Attack: The 9 Reasons for Demonic Attacks

From Journal Entry: 9/8/18

I am lying in bed trying to fall asleep. I can sense something in the room with me and it is evil. I am under attack and feel this thing on top of me as weight. I repeat the name, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus." I keep saying his name until this thing releases it's hold on me. 

It's been twenty years since I have been under spiritual attack like this. I think this time it was a spirit of harassment. During my divorce, the enemy attacked my mind and my body. I believe this was the final test of the enemy and the power to overcome the demon was in the name Jesus.  Here are the nine reasons why someone is under spiritual attack: 

1. The enemy is harassing you. You've done nothing wrong.

2. Fear operating in you or your family line.

3. Your family's or yours are involved in the occult. This will draw spirits to you.

4. Extremely hateful people draw these things to their home and family. Their meanness effects the house.

5. Something traumatic happened on the property or in the bedroom (sexual abuse or domestic violence).

6. Occult books, materials, cursed objects, etc. can draw spirits to you. You can not serve two masters.

7. A spirit of grief. Not giving up your loved ones to God. We are to grieve our loved ones and release them to the Lord. When not healed, the enemy latches on to it and torments you.

8. Places where murder takes place.

9. Spirits at night sent by former lovers who won't let you go.

Psalm 91:5 You shall not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day.

Reference~ Apostle Ivory Hopkins, Reasons Why People are Spiritually Attacked at Night:
https://youtu.be/zAt-oe5yGCs

The Lover or the Warrior

it took a man  
to trample on her heart
a man 
to tell her to be less 
than the woman she is 
a man 
to beat down all her dreams 
for her to see through all the bullshit
and remember who she is:
your worst nightmare
or your greatest dream

Self Defense

the broken woman
is the one
who possesses
a soul
of a lion
she is capable
of defending herself 

Worth the Investment

dear future lover, just by looking at me you won't be able to see that I am broken. I wear a mask to hide my pain and I carry a shield to protect my heart. and once you realize just how broken I am, you will want to fix me. but all the broken parts of me do not fit back together. they will have to be reshaped and reassembled by someone who is kind, gentle, and patient. someone who sees that investing in me is worth every ounce of effort it will take. 

Longing for a Summer Love

for so long
it's felt like winter
around here
he was cold, harsh, cruel
now he's gone
I can begin
to imagine
what summer
would feel like
a man's touch
that is warm and soft
and makes me
feel secure
a man's love
that doesn't
starve me
of attention
because like me
he aches
to be the sunlight 

Leaving Behind A Path of Destruction

you succeeded
in destroying
any good memories
I had of you
when you wreaked
havoc on my mind
you couldn't
leave me
in peace
you had to uproot
all the light
and leave me
in blinding darkness 

Life's Not Fair

you want to cry but you hold it in all day. you're at work, it's not a good time. but you want to cry and let out your sadness. you're carrying many burdens: your mom is on hospice, your dad has to have heart surgery, you're losing your home. you want to cry but you have to wait until you're finished with your day, then you can close your bedroom door and let the tears go.