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Showing posts from July, 2022

My Journey: Living with Depression

  For most of my life, I have lived with depression. I never made it my identity though. Instead, I strove for good mental health awareness. I sought to accept it, but also saw it as an opportunity to go beyond the symptoms and get to the root cause. My childhood was plagued with emotional and psychological abuse from my mother and grandmother. I was told often by my mother, “I brought you into this world, I can take you out.” I believed her threat to the point I'd lock my bedroom door at night while I slept. She'd yell, curse, and throw things at me. My grandmother was no different. My mom was herself a victim repeating the pattern of abuse. I also had abandonment issues from when my dad divorced my mom. I was nine years old and remember vividly the morning he left. His van was packed up. He drove me and my brother to the bus stop on a cold Illinois winter day. He said goodbye. I didn't believe he was actually gone. I thought he'd be home after I got out of school. ...

We Love You Man

  To the men that know; The men that choose to grow. To the men who have had the courage to lay broken on the floor; Who have embraced each change with strength and determination; Stood solid, Naked In their truth.  To the men who have Given Everything And been left with Nothing,  Yet still,  In every day,  In every way,  They show love.  To the men who have seen the darkness Of a woman lost in pain,  And sheltered her In their warm embrace; Tended to each wound; Soaked their own essence in each of her tears.  To the men who failed,  But rose again; Lost their heart,  And found their love.  To the men who strive Each day To love themselves more; Embrace their own darkness that led them to pain; Energise their light until it radiates to the sky.  To the men who show Appreciation For the journey that the woman takes To reach his love,  For he is her mirror; He is her love,  And she loves you.  In every moment ...

Dream of Grey Owl

  From Journal Entry 7/19/2022 There is a grey owl in a tree looking straight at me with eyes piercing my soul. Owls are a spiritual sign of a significant change occurring in your life. A deep transformation of your inner self in your spiritual growth and development. They represent awareness, intuition, and seeing what is deeply hidden and connecting the unconscious mind. The grey owl’s message is telling you to be prepared for what’s next to come in your life. This could be a big change in your life for the better, or it can be an unexpected circumstance or problem that will test you. You are experiencing an ethereal presence. This dream tells you that spirit  is trying to get in touch or communicate with you. I am going through several changes in my life right now. I unexpectedly lost my job, a friend passed away, and a three-year  relationship I was in ended. I’m trusting Spirit to guide me through this season and  remain in faith that no matter what the futu...

Depression

  There's a trail of pain behind me Of betrayals Broken promises And abuse I've tried my best To leave it all behind But there are days I'm stuck And not moving Because my mind becomes a trap And my heart a spider web So many people have failed me In my life Which could give me a good excuse To fail myself What keeps me going forward Is something that lives inside of me Reminding me That I am so much more Than my depression

Undone

  There are certain things that aren't for letting go. There are some experiences you just can't get past. Instead, after turning everything upside down, it turned you inside out — its aftermath permanently altering, and like lightning splitting in two a tree, you came undone. Undone in such a way that brought discomfort before it displayed the bones of real beauty. Maybe someone you loved is gone, and now you understand how parts of theirs and yours became entwined. Maybe you learned the truth, and now you can’t find a way back to the other side. Maybe you finally saw their pain, and now you won't feel the same ever again. Whatever it was that happened, you carry around this undoneness in a profound way that completes an entire picture. Converged with the part of you from before, now you can see clearly everything that was held together inside. As you look out from atop a canyon, its expanse has become a peculiar blessing, with each broken crevice filled with glistening go...

None of Us Gets Out of Here Alive

WORDS FROM A SOUL DYING FROM BRAIN CANCER: "If you’re reading this, this fu$king brain cancer probably got me. But let me be crystal clear while I’m able: I did not ”lose a battle” against cancer. This is a ridiculous, steamy pile of horse shit that society has dumped on cancer patients. Western medicine, and Western culture, especially, is so uncomfortable talking about death that instead it created this “battle” analogy that basically shames people who die from cancer. News flash: None of us gets out alive from this rodeo called life. There is no shame in dying from cancer – or any serious illness. And it doesn’t need to be a battle. It’s a transition that each of us will go through. I was asked by a shaman, whom I spoke to after my second brain surgery, “Are you running towards life or running away from death?” Whoa! That got my attention. There’s a BIG difference. I got it wrong more often than not. Don’t let fear fuel your choices. Live fearlessly. Run TOWARDS life. Don’t wor...

There Are Good Men

  "Not all men cheat, lie, accuse, insult, or abuse. There are wonderful men. Men that will give their life for you Men who love you deeply. Men who take care of their kids. Men who care. Men who work to bring bread home. Men who go all out to make you happy. Gentle, respectful, gentlemen. Men who will give you the seat without hesitation. Men who help you inevitably. Men who treat women like their most precious jewel. The fight is not women against men, it's good against evil. Violence has no gender. With love and respect. " — with Kaitlyn O'Keefe and Kaitlyn Marie O'Keefe .

Be Soft

  Don’t build a hard, solid self full of fixed ideas and firm beliefs. Be soft so that you don’t create friction, or clash with the world but accept and absorb your experience with ease. Be soft so that disappointments and insults don’t bruise you but bounce harmlessly away after your softness has absorbed their force. Be soft so that thoughts and emotions can’t attach themselves to you and ideas don’t turn to rigid theories which can’t be contradicted and animosity never lingers long enough to form a grudge and pain passes away before turning to trauma. Be soft so that you can bend with the wind, without breaking and become moist with the rain, without flooding. Be soft so that you can pass through the world without leaving damage only the lightest of trails which will dissolve like a cloud and become part of the air which everyone breathes. ~Steve Taylor