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I remember the day I lost you. I remember exactly where I was and how suddenly the loss of you hit me. I was driving to work. A stupid old 80's love song was playing on the radio. I felt you in me… with me. Then the phone rang. It was Him. He said he talked to you and you denied any mutual feelings. Then you laughed it off.
My heart sank in my chest. I couldn't breathe. Nothing
in that moment felt real. It was a fright that shook my soul. I was on a
journey with you for nearly two decades.. the same amount of time I was married
to Him. You both left me, abruptly, without warning or explanation.
I have always been a skeptic of love and for good
reason! Always hoping that someone will love me and stick around 'til the end.
Except when my destiny kindly reminds me otherwise.
I may never hear from your lips the truth. I will learn,
in time, to be okay with that. I have to because I have to move on from you..
my past and everything that was just temporary. I'm not good with change but
I'm getting better.. becoming more flexible and adaptable to whatever life
brings me.
I will miss you and it will be a missing you always.
No matter where I land in life, I will always be thinking about you in all the
good ways.. remembering the rain that day and the safety I felt under your
umbrella. Or that day on the river as I looked behind me to try to find you and
to my surprise, you were right next to me.. I'll never forget the smile you gave
me knowing you had caught me off guard. And yes, all the times I was frustrated
with you because you never said anything to me when you had opportunities to do
so.. even that memory makes me smile because it reminds me that what I felt for
you was real and I'm 99.9% sure it was real for you too.
I'm a better person because of you. Don't ask me to
explain how, I can't. There are no words for how your soul talked to mine or
how you made me feel alive just standing next to you. It's a divine thing,
magic, a ceremonious practice that our souls have memorized.
Our souls have crisscrossed many lifetimes… always we
get caught up in the drama. I don't want any more drama. I just want to be
genuinely loved by someone. You reminded me of my value. You gave me back my
power that I so carelessly gave away to any man that said I love you.
I've begun the journey back home to myself and I have you to thank. I will
always feel a part of you in the most spiritual, natural way. There is no end
for us. Just transformation, growth, and a deeper love that I know in my heart
transcends time and space. Keep believing in yourself and I promise I will too.
