Life As A Twin Flame: I Will Always Miss You

 

I remember the day I lost you. I remember exactly where I was and how suddenly the loss of you hit me. I was driving to work. A stupid old 80's love song was playing on the radio. I felt you in me… with me. Then the phone rang. It was Him. He said he talked to you and you denied any mutual feelings. Then you laughed it off.

My heart sank in my chest. I couldn't breathe. Nothing in that moment felt real. It was a fright that shook my soul. I was on a journey with you for nearly two decades.. the same amount of time I was married to Him. You both left me, abruptly, without warning or explanation.

I have always been a skeptic of love and for good reason! Always hoping that someone will love me and stick around 'til the end. Except when my destiny kindly reminds me otherwise.

I may never hear from your lips the truth. I will learn, in time, to be okay with that. I have to because I have to move on from you.. my past and everything that was just temporary. I'm not good with change but I'm getting better.. becoming more flexible and adaptable to whatever life brings me.

I will miss you and it will be a missing you always. No matter where I land in life, I will always be thinking about you in all the good ways.. remembering the rain that day and the safety I felt under your umbrella. Or that day on the river as I looked behind me to try to find you and to my surprise, you were right next to me.. I'll never forget the smile you gave me knowing you had caught me off guard. And yes, all the times I was frustrated with you because you never said anything to me when you had opportunities to do so.. even that memory makes me smile because it reminds me that what I felt for you was real and I'm 99.9% sure it was real for you too.

I'm a better person because of you. Don't ask me to explain how, I can't. There are no words for how your soul talked to mine or how you made me feel alive just standing next to you. It's a divine thing, magic, a ceremonious practice that our souls have memorized.

Our souls have crisscrossed many lifetimes… always we get caught up in the drama. I don't want any more drama. I just want to be genuinely loved by someone. You reminded me of my value. You gave me back my power that I so carelessly gave away to any man that said I love you. I've begun the journey back home to myself and I have you to thank. I will always feel a part of you in the most spiritual, natural way. There is no end for us. Just transformation, growth, and a deeper love that I know in my heart transcends time and space. Keep believing in yourself and I promise I will too.

 

My Spirit Animal Visit: The Wolf

 9/14/2021

I was outside with my dog. It was around 9pm. Suddenly I see a large energetic animal walking through my yard towards me. I was startled. I watched it with intrigue as it moved closer to me. It was big! 

I reflected on this encounter and my mind went to my first encounter with my spirit animal, the wolf, back in 1997. I realized that the animal I encountered was again my spirit animal, the wolf. This time, however, he was big, strong, and powerful. It's like I was being shown how he's grown into his power and how he's moving now with a sense of purpose.

The wolf that I remember from twenty-plus years ago was starving and wild. It all reflects on my spiritual journey that began in my early 20's when I was starving for truth and my spirit was wild. I've tamed my spirit, learned my truth, and grown into my personal power. I'm ready for whatever is coming next in my life. It feels like I've entered a new season. The meaning below seems to coincide with how I was feeling at the time and reassures me that my instincts are very sharp and to trust myself moving forward.

Wolves are wild animals – they are beautiful creatures of mystery that cannot be domesticated.  

If a Wolf appears to you in a certain period of your life when you’re in doubt of the changes that are happening, it can be reassuring you that the path you’re taking is the right one and that you’re being loyal to your instincts.

Equally, if the Wolf presents itself in a moment in life where you feel stuck, it might be reminding you that you’re a free spirit, that you can deviate from whatever path you are currently on and become a ‘lone wolf‘ if necessary in order to pursue your dreams.

Wolf Spirit Animal (Meaning Explained) ⋆ LonerWolf by Mateo Sol

Missed Opportunity

 

there has been moments

for us

under circumstances

that I'm sure

that the divine was behind

each time

i got to see you

was an opportunity missed

by both of us

to be open, honest, real

you are my heartache

that I will never get over

The Mirror

Every morning

You wake up

And feel depressed

You thought this feeling would fade by now

You thought, with time, you'd move on

From the heartbreak and pain

You sit in front of the mirror and contemplate your inner state

You know good and well

You are not your feelings

And your awareness of this

Does not dictate how you approach your day

Yes, some days are not as heavy as others

Yes, you may always feel broken inside

But you determine your attitude

You choose if you'll smile at your reflection in the mirror

And whether or not you'll do your best to find happiness

In whatever good, small or big

comes your way

In the meantime

Have a good cry and shake it off

The world needs strong women like you

You Are A Whole, So Live A Whole Life

 “Do not love half lovers

Do not entertain half friends 

Do not indulge in works of the half talented

Do not live half a life 

and do not die a half death

If you choose silence, then be silent

When you speak, do so until you are finished

Do not silence yourself to say something

And do not speak to be silent

If you accept, then express it bluntly

Do not mask it

If you refuse then be clear about it 

for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance

Do not accept half a solution

Do not believe half truths

Do not dream half a dream

Do not fantasize about half hopes

Half a drink will not quench your thirst

Half a meal will not satiate your hunger

Half the way will get you no where

Half an idea will bear you no results

Your other half is not the one you love

It is you in another time yet in the same space

It is you when you are not

Half a life is a life you didn't live, 

A word you have not said

A smile you postponed 

A love you have not had

A friendship you did not know

To reach and not arrive

Work and not work

Attend only to be absent

What makes you a stranger to them closest to you

and they strangers to you

The half is a mere moment of inability

but you are able for you are not half a being

You are a whole that exists to live a life 

not half a life”~

~Kahlil Gibran

Moving Through Pain

 

I'm done looking back
Having regrets
Full of remorse
So many tears
Cried over the years
Over a broken dream
I gave my all
And he took my all
Now it's time to move forward
And regain my self respect
Some relationships are just broken
And some will break you
He almost broke my spirit
And he would of won
But I'm not the type
Of woman to not fight back
I do what ever it takes to survive
I'm the type of woman
That pushes forward
And I learn from the past
Every time making better choices
Every time becoming stronger
And more aware of the courageous woman I am