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Monday, July 29, 2019

Shadow Work- Part 2



1. Observe your triggers: Triggers will appear in your relationships.
2. Triggers will put you in front of the mirror: The things we hate the most in other people are actually inside us, at least in a symbolic way. To put it in another way, what we dislike in others is also what we dislike about ourselves.
Mirror theory can act in a direct or inverse way. Let’s take an example. Say you can’t stand how selfish your friend is. In a direct way, you may be projecting the selfish part of you that you refuse to see. On the other hand, in an inverse way, they might be reflecting how selfless you are. Maybe you’re always caring for others and forgetting yourself. Either way it is valuable information if you want to get to know yourself and grow.
Same happens with the things you LOVE most in other people. That parts you admire, are in you, but you suppressed them.
3. Mirror will give you a hint: Maybe you feel not being loved and you are triggered when you see something that points to a lack of love towards you in someone close to you. What you feel is what you fear. You are afraid of not being loved.
4. Realize how that fear (not being loved) interferes with your life. Maybe you are deliberately choosing people that mistreat you and are not loving at you as you wish, or keeping you stuck in toxic relationships, lowering your self-esteem, etc.
5. Meditate about that feeling:
        a. Why this part of your shadow exists?
        b. When you use to have that same feeling? In which situations?
        c. When was the first time you experienced that feeling? Allow your unconscious to give you the answer, the memory, maybe it will come in your dreams, maybe during meditation, maybe something came up in your mind suddenly.
6. Observe your memory: Maybe you were not properly nurtured as a child, maybe your mother had postpartum depression and rejected you many times when you tried to hug her, reacting with anger towards you.
7. Understand what happened in your mind at that time:
A child’s mind does not work as a grown up’s mind. Those situations, in a child’s mind make the child thinks her mother will be anger if he/she continues asking for love, so mom will not provide. If mom will not provide, the child will die.
Yes, that is how our mind works when we are a child, we are absolutely dependable on our parents, our mind is set up for survival. We survive if mom and dad provide. Maybe they do not love us, but if we have food, we can survive.

The logical consequence for a child is thinking: "If I do ask for love, I will die."

So, to survive, we reject the clingy-needy part of us.
There is a split in our consciousness, in our ego:
So now, I am me, and my clingy-needy part of me is not me anymore. At least that is what we thought.
That part never disappears, it is hidden from us in our subconscious mind, our shadow, and it will take control over us when a trigger occurs, without us realizing about why we are behaving like that.

We have fragmented our ego.
That fragmentation happens on each one of us, human beings.

8. Analyze how those facts affect your conception of yourself: And why the child cannot ask for love? Because he is not worthy of it, he does not deserve it. That is how a child’s mind works.

So, you develop this intense BELIEVE (paradigm) of not being worthy of love.
The natural behave, if you do not deserve being loved, is nothing but surrounding yourself by people that do not love you, or being in a toxic relationship, or…)

Now, you have the point, you know where the root cause is. You know why you are triggered by certain situations. ANd you know when it did start.
But, how to heal that for good?
You must “reprogram” yourself on actually being worthy of love

Reference- Ana Barrios,