The Best Loves

Why You Need to Date Someone Who Scares You

“If she doesn’t scare the hell out of you a little, she’s not the one.”

At first glance, this meme might seem to be implying that you need to only date emotionally unstable people. But if you sit with it for a moment, it takes on a whole other (and more important) layer of meaning.

As much as mainstream media would prefer you to think otherwise, the best relationships are not all sunshine and roses.

Relationships are the ultimate vehicle for self-growth… and the best kind of love that you can engage in is the confronting kind. The kind where your partner acts as a mirror to you and they lovingly help pull all of your demons out of you over time. They act as a catalyst for positive growth.

They’ll point a flashlight into every corner of your dark mental attic, and illuminate all of the things that you try to hide from the world. And they will illuminate it with love, patience, and compassion.

Just when you expect them to run away (after having found out about your deepest, darkest secrets), they’ll tell you that they love you even more now that they know more about you.

Intimacy is about truly letting someone see you. It’s also anxiety producing for the vast majority of people. Letting someone really know you, and really see you, can be terrifying. 

You are laying your heart in their hands and saying to them “Please be gentle with this.” 

And if they’re the right one for you, they will reply back (verbally or non-verbally) “I wouldn’t dream of ever being anything else to you.”

When I first started dating again after an emotionally traumatic breakup, I was hesitant to let anyone get close to me. I engaged in surface level relationships because I feared the anxiety that intimacy produced for me. Even ‘admitting’ that I’d had a difficult day was enough to make my heart race.

In my emotional closure I didn’t think I would ever be able to open up to someone ever again.

Until one fateful day when I met someone who shook up my world entirely.

Her eyes penetrated through me. There was no hiding around her. She never had to say it out loud, but I knew that she saw me.

My ego’s first self-protective instinct was to run away and revert back to my old unproductive habits. Run away before she finds out all of the messy things about your past. Push her away before she has a chance to see past your self-deceptions. Avoid any contact with her in case she might make you feel big, scary emotions again.

My ego resisted her every step of the way. I told myself she wasn’t my usual type. I tried to hide behind things like “She’s too young/inexperienced/small town/etc. for me.” But it was all bullshit. Every thought that tried to keep me away from her was just my ego’s sad excuse to stay closed down emotionally. It was a defence mechanism and I knew it.

When I really started to show up and tell her how I was feeling (namely, scared shitless to even be around her) she received it with grace and compassion. Because even before I had verbalized it, she knew. She already saw me.

As terrifying as intimacy can be, the process of holding up our demons in the light is deeply therapeutic. Shame cannot continue to exist or thrive in the loving context of a close intimate relationship.

Was I fixed forever for having her met her? No. It’s a process like everything else. I had to repeatedly breathe into the deeper layers of anxiety as I let myself be seen more and more by her.

But I’ll be eternally grateful that I did meet her. Because her scaring the hell out of me was my ticket to a positive transformation that I never could have anticipated.

So if you’re at a place in your life where you are starting to see someone who challenges you, confronts you, and scares you on some level, take stock of whether or not you think they might be a force for positive change in your life.

Don’t date someone who scares you because they are controlling, angry, violent, or abusive in any way. That’s the bad kind of fear and it’s an unhealthy relationship to engage in. 

But date someone who scares you because they encourage you to face all of the things you’ve tried to suppress for so long. 

Date someone who lovingly pushes you to become more who you are at your core as a person. 

Date someone who nudges you outside of your comfort zone regularly and helps you level up in life.

It might just be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

The best loves are the ones that drag out all of your emotional demons.

( ✍️ Jordon Gray )

The Rare Man

Some men will walk into your life and change everything for you, give you another reason to live. Keep them close.

They’ll challenge you in ways you never thought possible, pushing you to be stronger, braver, and more aligned with your true self. These men see the best in you, even when you can’t. They remind you of your potential and inspire you to reach for it, giving you the courage to break through limitations you once held as truths.

When these men enter your life, they don’t just offer companionship, they bring stability. You feel safe in their presence, knowing they’ll hold you in moments of weakness without judgment. Their touch, their words, and even their silences offer healing. They don’t rush your growth, but patiently walk alongside you as you evolve, supporting you with unwavering faith.

These men don’t shy away from your complexities; they embrace every layer. They honor your story—the battles you’ve fought and the dreams you’ve yet to pursue. They don’t try to change you but rather celebrate who you are at your core, reminding you that you are enough exactly as you are. It’s through this acceptance that you begin to heal deeper parts of yourself.

They will inspire you to dream bigger and love harder. With them, love feels like a safe space to explore your vulnerabilities. You’ll find yourself opening up in ways you haven’t before, trusting that they will hold your heart with care. These men understand the power of emotional intimacy, knowing it’s the foundation for a lasting, meaningful connection.

In their presence, you’ll learn to trust again—not just in others but in yourself. They help restore your faith in love, in goodness, and in the possibility of creating a life filled with joy and connection. Their belief in you allows you to rebuild your own belief in what’s possible.

They are the kind of men who take the time to truly know you, not just your surface-level desires but the dreams you hold in the quiet corners of your heart. They are curious about what lights you up and what keeps you up at night, always striving to understand you on a deeper level.

Their love isn’t just in the grand gestures; it’s in the little things. It’s in the way they remember the details, the way they listen when you speak, the way they show up even when it’s inconvenient for them. Their consistency is their promise, a reminder that they are here for the long haul.

With these men, you’ll feel seen in a way that’s rare. You won’t have to hide parts of yourself or pretend to be someone you’re not. In fact, they’ll encourage you to bring out even more of who you truly are. Their love gives you the freedom to be authentically you.

So when such a man enters your life, cherish him. Understand that what you’ve found is rare and sacred. Keep him close, not because he completes you, but because he complements you in the most profound ways. He’s the kind of man who makes the journey of life feel a little lighter, and the love between you feel like home.

- Abhikesh

They Will Call You

They will call you "cray" because you are, because you were born with the gift of seeing things differently and that scares them.

They will call you "intense" because you are, because you were born with the courage well placed to allow you to feel everything to the fullest and that intimidates them.

They will call you "selfish" because that's how it is, because you discovered that you are the most important thing in your life and that doesn't suit them.

They will call you in many ways, with many judgments, for a long time, but stay firm in yourself and in what you want, and I promise you that one day they will call you to say, "thank you for existing. "

✍️ Frida Kahlo

8 Ways To Strengthen Your Relationship

Love is perhaps our most powerful emotion, and the need to be in a loving relationship may be one of the strongest needs we have. Being in an intimate relationship makes us feel connected, not only to our partner, but also to the world at large. When our hearts are filled with love, we feel profoundly content and satisfied. We become more patient, more empathetic, kinder, gentler.

But personal intimacy doesn't merely affect our emotional well-being. According to numerous scientific studies, the power of love directly affects our physical health, too, by boosting our immune system, improving our cardiovascular functioning, and increasing our life expectancy. "Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well," says Dean Ornish, M.D., who explores the connections between love and health in his book Love & Survival (HarperCollins). "When you look at the scientific data, the need for love and intimacy is as important and basic as eating, breathing, and sleeping."

On Valentine's Day, we celebrate our love for each other over candlelit dinners or through exchanges of chocolates, flowers, and slinky lingerie. But a box of bonbons only lasts so long. Experts agree that the key to a vitalized, long-lasting relationship is what you and your partner do the other 364 days of the year. Indeed, keeping your love alive requires continual time and effort. Following are eight steps you can take to keep the flame burning.

BE FRIENDS

Any healthy relationship must be based on a solid underlying friendship. Remember to treat your partner with the same kindness, respect, and appreciation as you would a close friend. Support, listen to, and laugh with each other. Don't allow yourselves to be rude or disrespectful.

STAY CONNECTED

"Couples need to spend a lot of time with each other," advises David Kaplan, Ph.D., chair of the Department of Counselor Education and Rehabilitation programs at Emporia State University in Emporia, Kansas. "There is no substitute for quantity of time." Kaplan encourages couples to take a half-day a week to go out on a date. In addition, devote at least 15 minutes of your day to meaningful, one-on-one conversation — no television or kids allowed.

PHYSICAL

Physical intimacy is a natural — and healthy — extension of a relationship. Our best sexual intentions are often put to rest, however, as we collapse into an exhausted heap at the end of the day. Instead, you and your partner need to consciously commit to turning up the heat. Leave the dishes in the sink, turn the laptop off, and just do it! Set the mood with the sensual music, and light some calming aromatherapy candles or incense. Learn to communicate your loving energy through touch.

CELEBRATE EACH OTHER

Saying something kind and affectionate to your partner should be a daily habit. The expression of loving thoughts nourishes your relationship by helping you both remember what it is you treasure about each other. Let your partner know how much you appreciate him or her, and be generous with compliments and expressions of affection.

FIGHT WELL

Since disagreements and arguments are inevitable, what's important is not whether you fight but how you fight. When disagreements surface, keep them short. "No more than 10 minutes," says Kaplan. "After ten minutes, it gets nasty and repetitive." Also, keep boundaries on the subject matter. Don't dredge up issues from last week or last month-keep your dispute focused on the matter at hand.

TAKE A CLASS

Feeling like your relationship could benefit from professional advice? Why not take a class on communications skills, attend a seminar on loving kindness, or read a book on relationship-building together? Your efforts will likely spark important discussions about your relationship and, ultimately, enhance it. A good starting point is Phillip McGraw, Ph.D.'s straight-talking tome Relationship Rescue (Hyperion, 2000).

LISTEN CAREFULLY

Being an attentive listener lets your partner know that his or her thoughts and feelings are important to you.

Moreover, good listening encourages partners "to open up and be willing to share," says Richard and Kristine Carlson, authors of Don't Sweat the Small Things in Love (Hyperion, 1999). The secret, say the Carlsons, is not just to "hear" what your partner is saying, but to be truly "present," having a heartfelt desire to understand what is being said and listening without being judgmental.

MAINTAIN YOUR SENSE OF SELF

Partners must learn to balance their needs as individuals with their needs as a couple. "On one hand, you don't want people to be too far apart emotionally. If you don't spend time together, you become disengaged emotionally," says Kaplan. "The other end of the spectrum is couples that become too dependent on each other and their individual identity gets lost." Ideally, the two of you should be close enough to have intimacy, yet "far enough away to have an individual identity," says Kaplan. Don't be afraid to develop some friendships and interests separate from your partner.

Author: Heather Prouty

Now Available: Loving Him is Heaven and Hell

 

The mystery of Love, and of the purest sexual connection, is the perfect expression of both desire and generosity. Unity is felt not only in our shared emotional depth, but also in each other's inexhaustible longing to fill and be filled.

We tap into this powerful connection with a simple look, the way our hands touch, or lips softly brush against the ear. We now live and move and have our being in each other.

That unity embodies many things. It creates and gives breath to our unbreakable emotional bond. It opens a pathway of communication within the very depths of our hearts. It allows us to symbolize and express in the deepest way our safety, adoration, acceptance, and commitment.

When we are joined together sexually, we sense our perfect wholeness. It allows us to taste the gift of love. It gives freely and ask nothing in return.

Available on Amazon  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DDQCRY52

Loving Your Soulmate

Love is a beautiful and complex emotion that transcends superficial expectations and checklists. It is a deep connection that goes beyond mere attraction or compatibility. Your soulmate is the person who truly sees you for who you are, flaws and all, and still chooses to love you unconditionally.

In a soulmate relationship, love is not just a fleeting feeling, but a profound commitment to the well-being and happiness of your partner. It requires constant effort, understanding, and support. Your soulmate is the one who stands by your side through thick and thin, offering unwavering love and support, even during challenging times.

True love is not only about the good days when everything is perfect. It is about being there for each other during the tough times, when stress, anger, anxiety, or disappointment may arise. It is during these moments that the depth of your love and commitment is truly tested. Your soulmate is the person who chooses to love you even when it's difficult, and who remains by your side, offering comfort and understanding.

Appreciating and cherishing your soulmate is crucial. It's important to recognize the immense value they bring to your life and to express your love and gratitude for them. Love should be nurtured and celebrated every day, with gestures of kindness, affection, and support. Remember that your soulmate is a precious gift, someone who sees the real you and loves you unconditionally. Treasure this connection and strive to love them with all your heart, deeper than the vast depths of the ocean.

In the end, finding your soulmate is a rare and special occurrence. It is a bond that goes beyond mere compatibility and physical attraction. It is a connection that is built upon acceptance, understanding, and unconditional love. Cherish and appreciate your soulmate, and together, create a love that is truly extraordinary.

-Zugwai

Coming Soon: Loving Him is Heaven and Hell

 COMING SOON TO AMAZON! A collection of love poems dedicated to twin flames, sacred soulmates, and lovers of love. Please click on link to join my email list for book release date, contest, and to learn more about me and the poetry. 

https://www.sendfox.com/mysticmadisonmeadows