The Closed Door

She sat on his bathroom floor
not sure what she was sobbing for
All the things she wished he had said
went racing through her tethered head
This was her last chance
to get through to him 
For she knew fate
would be cruel to them
So as she sat on his cold floor
in the dark with the door closed
She let the tears come and the pain go
for the man she loved for ever more

A Book

Sometimes I just want to sit alone with a book. I don't want to quarrel with anyone. I don't want anyone's advice or opinion about my state or the state of my affairs. I just want to lose myself in a book written by a lover of God, whom also searched out those beings (whether be prophets, saints, mystics, or lovers) that understood the lover's inner state.

Amongst my kind, I retreat within. This world is full of hypocrites, asses, and demons.

My Past Life Dream: A Monk and Nun

From Journal Entry 2/22/2014

It is an older time- buildings are rustic, roads are all dirt, everyone is dressed in ancient cloth-like garments.There are two groups. One of men and the other of women. A young white woman kneels down. She is allowing someone to cut her long hair. The woman gave her life over to God and committed to the monastic life.  
A young white man has arrived with nothing but the clothes on his back and has also committed his life over to God. Even though the man and the woman are in proximity of each other, they have not yet recognized their connection. They both have the same longing in their heart and are destined to meet. Each reflecting back the wisdom and truth to the other.

In this dream, my consciousness is witnessing this event from above. I see the drama play out and feel the longing and love that this man and woman have for the Lord. It is very powerful and moving. I also am aware of their meeting that is to take place. The meeting is a part of God's plan. As I am watching the woman's hair being cut off, the man is nearby. There is a knowing that these two must meet.

This dream is about twin flames meeting and the alchemy work that needs to be performed in order to satisfy their longing for God. The sexual energy between a man and woman can be a catalyst for self realization. Nuns and monks take vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience. 


These days monks and nuns are always single. They ignore that a true monk needs a nun. A real nun needs a monk. How can you have one without the other? How can a monk learn what love is, if he suppresses his attraction, his devotion, to a woman? Likewise, how can a nun learn what love is if she avoids her feelings towards a man? The natural attraction between man and woman reflects the creative powers of the divine. The most powerful force within us is sexual energy, which is best used in a loving relationship.

Reference~Gnosticteachings.org, Beginning Here and Now: Four Ways of Spiritual Life

The August Reason

Oh, give me a reason-
reason to not torture
Others or myself with
the infractions of my mind
I am not sound of 
mind, body, or spirit
I am irrational, irate, deranged
Oh, how unjust this world is
and how fictional
The next one becomes 

If I do abandon
all hope for sanity's sake-
Will my heart have rest,
Or will I always long
for truth of the August reason?

A Waste of Semen

I met a man who
feared his life
He wore a mask
a fake disguise

He dressed up 
in whoremongers' clothes
His face tattooed
with eyes that bulged

His pants hung low
below his waist
I thought to myself
what a fucking shame

He mirrored an image
from inside my head
A futile image
that others dread

In this image
a face of death
Masqueraded by
talking heads

No consciousness or soul or heart
did he own
No mercy in his
eyes of awareness known

I likened him to
a dreadful demon
I thought to myself
what a waste of man's semen

The man who loves
his demon fears his life
And tortures others
with his tortured mind
 

 

Ruins

My greatest fear is that the seed
in my heart-
will dry up,
and I forgotten-
lost in time.
I a fading memory-
whisked away by death.
My tomb,
just a ruin
of a shadowed past.