Grief

 

I had my own notion of grief.

I thought it was the sad time

That followed the death of someone you love.

And you had to push through it

To get to the other side.

But I'm learning there is no other side.

There is no pushing through.

But rather,

There is absorption.

Adjustment.

Acceptance.

And grief is not something you complete,

But rather, you endure.

Grief is not a task to finish

And move on,

But an element of yourself-

An alteration of your being.

A new way of seeing.

A new definition of self.

~ Gwen Flowers

[Art: Linda Kristiansen: https://www.lindakristiansen.no/]

With or Without You

 

i broke my own heart

by loving you

i thought our love was indestructible

that you'd be there for me

when i needed you

but you weren't

and i had to rethink

my position on you

and reevaluate the value i put on you

it seems like maybe i demand to much

from the people in my life

that at the root of it all

my values and principles are high

i don't intend to lower them

just to keep someone in my life

i don't intend to beg either

go if you want to go

stay if you want to stay

i'm fine with whatever you decide

but will you be fine without me?

Blended Family

 

Life can get so messy

The blended family thing

Hinges on all parties agreeing

Schedules aligning

And other inconveniences

That can come out of nowhere

You never plan for this to happen

But here you are

With someone who's already

Been married and divorced twice

Just as broken as you are

Trying to make the best

Of the situation

And you realize

This is life

Your life

Always testing your limits

Now you find yourself

Having to work out your kids' problems

With the ex's new wife

Deciding on schools

And planning family trips

It looks like a mess

From the outside

But it is coming together

Like you had hoped and prayed

And that's really all you can do

In a world where everyone is broken

And the blended family

Is the new norm

Life as a Twin Flame: Living on a Prayer

 Dream from Morning of 4/29/2021:

My phone is ringing. I answer it. A voice says, “Michelle.” I recognize the voice but in doubt say, “Who is this?” I know it is my twin.

 

Dream from 8/30/2012:

 I am on my second date with my twin. We go to see a concert. It is Bon Jovi. My daughter is with me. As we walk to our seats, Bon Jovi is singing Living on a Prayer.

 

Your memory follows me everywhere.

Just as I am starting my day with my client on April 29, I pull into her driveway and I see an Asplundn truck parked in front of her house.

Five minutes later, my client wants me to run up to Starbucks to get her coffee.

As I am walking to my Tahoe, one of the guys approaches me and informs me they are trimming the trees.

I smile at him and say, “Just don’t block the drive. I’ll be back in 15 minutes.”

I jump in my Tahoe to leave and on the radio is playing, Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi.

Now I’m thinking, what the fuck!?

Your thoughts invade me.

The synchronicities over the years have slowed down, but have never entirely stopped.

Very often I see the twin flame numbers 1111.

So much so, I finally gave into the Universe and got the numbers tattooed on me.

If it’s not a street named after you or a Bon Jovi song, I swear your thoughts are trying to reach me and do!

What the fuck?!

Why don’t you just come out and say what you want to say?

Why keep speaking in this secret language?

I can’t escape you...

So, your memory I take everywhere.

 

 

 

 

Unbreakable Spirit

she rises

even when she's not ok

she rises from the fall

and never looks back

she rises with the sun

and the moon underneath her feet

to a heighth

greater than the previous setback

each one

reminding her

of her warrior spirit

that looks at pain

as an advantage

an opportunity

to learn something new about herself

so she can break barriers

emotional and mental

pain doesn't define her

her unbreakable spirit is what does

 

The Language of the Ocean

 

sitting here

looking out from the beach

listening to the waves

reminds me of how the ocean

inside of me moves

and speaks to me

a language of soul

sometimes turbulent

anger, frustration, unrest

sometimes calm

peaceful, openness, clarity

moments speak to me

as i open up to what nature

is trying to say

and i dive deeper

into unraveling the mysteries

of my being

and the secret language of the ocean