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Beloved,
Long ago I forgave you. In all our past lives, I always forgive you and always I have to let you go. I've done this so often, and so often you fight with yourself for loving a woman like me. I know I am the fire that burns forcing you to feel your wounds and to know your soul.
I know you must be suffering like me and the silence is killing us both. Often in my mind's eye I play out the words you would say to me. Sometimes there are no words, just silence and your gaze penetrating the thickness of the veil that hides my heart. Our souls then merging into a field beyond the human eye that only love can conceive, foster, and exploit!
Then my concentration breaks and I am alone again. Tears come to remind me that what I feel for you is real. The karmic bond between us unbreakable, and yet so much left undone.
I don't want to live the rest of my life without you in it. My whole life has been a steady dose of pain and then 21 years ago you gave meaning to that pain. Every word left unsaid still stirs my heart and with it all the imaginings of what we could be.
I am moving forward, but I am doing so against my own will. Now it's just a matter of surviving your memory. Now I'm doing it to prove to myself I don't need you.
You've taught me to depend on no one but myself. You are the master of needing no one and relying only on yourself. So, thank you for the karmic lesson. I needed to learn this.
If our paths ever do cross again, I’m sure I’ll be unrecognizable to you. I don’t doubt that you will have changed too. I hope you still look at me with the eyes of a long-lost lover finally returning home. May God always be with you and me!!
Fondly,
Sapphire
