Forgive Me

i just want to say
i am sorry
for not talking to you
when i had the chance
i am sorry
for not telling you
sooner how i felt
i am sorry 
for all the pain
i may have caused you
i know i am complicated
but let's be honest
so are you
you also never
said anything
and in our efforts
to avoid each other
we only caused
the other heartache and pain
i am sorry
for being silent
and wanting
to protect you
from me
i can see now
i only made the pain worse
and both of our lives messier
unintentionally wounding those we love
so i am truly sorry
for the one thing
that i did do
and had no control over
and that was falling in love with you

Gripping Nothing

there's a part of her
that held on to him
because she had
nothing else to hold on to
nothing in her life
ever did last
maybe that's why
she held on for
far too long
because at least
she had something
to hold

Countless Acts of Bravery

she lost count
of the times
she fell down
and got back up
she wanted to runaway
from her problems
and just disappear
but somewhere
deep inside of herself
she always found
the courage to
face her fears
that's what warriors do
they get back up
dust themselves off
and charge ahead
there simply is no
other option

Doubt

it doesn't have to be
left this way
you holding on to her memory
you torturing yourself
because you can't pick up
the phone to call her
you want to apologize
you want to tell her
how you feel
but there's a part of you
that feels it's too late
she's moved on
and you've convinced yourself
you don't deserve her
after all you put her through
you wonder why she would
even forgive you
the answer is this:
because she loves you
you IDIOT

Headstrong

many times
i wanted
to quit myself
and give up
not get out of bed
not eat
not leave the house
and go to work
but then he'd win
by thinking
he's broken me
and i'll be damn
if i let any man
break me

A Prayer: This Day Will Never Come Again

   How will you come to me Lord? How will I know you? How will I recognize you? I know you will come for me. You will slip into my being, perhaps in the middle of the night while I sleep. Maybe you will come to me when I’m not looking for you, when I’m distracted, staring into an oncoming storm fearing my immortality. Or maybe you will come to me in the midst of a lie that pours out of my mouth effortlessly. You will let me know you are listening as I listen to myself say something that is not true as easily as if I were giving the time of day. I tell myself that lies are insignificant that they don’t matter. How do I know what matters? What is insignificant? What if I’m being tested? Observed? Did you know I put my conscience to sleep years ago? Or maybe that’s how you will come to me. You will awaken my conscience like a sleeping dragon one day when I’m weakened by disease or fear or loneliness. And I will be forced to face the truth that I fear you, I fear truth.

    You are truth itself and I feel that power rumble like an earthquake through my being each time my eyes look into the eyes of another human being. One word of truth exchanged through the eyes of another is enough to bond two human beings for eternity- the power of a sacred union. No wonder we fear truth. No wonder I fear you. How will you come to me Lord? You will come through truth. You will make me need you and I will come searching. You will make me shed my skin, my illusions, my weaknesses like boils ready to burst on my flesh. And then when I am broken, to weak to deceive even myself, there you will be, already resurrecting my soul. Somehow Lord I found this truth already lodged in my heart. You’ve already come for me.

Reference~ Thomas Merton

The Art From Heartbreak

her heart
was badly marked
with bruises and scars
but she survived him

wounded hearts
are the toughest to heal
but also make the most
beautiful murals