Sheer Boredom

she sat unnoticed

in the corner of the room 

men and women

coming and going 

she was posed

unaffected by the uncomfortable silence

that entombed her

she felt invisible 

in a room full of strangers 

aware that their interactions 

were anything but genuine

so many souls mingle 

but few can sit quietly alone

and not be deeply disturbed

to the point

one would quit the room

not her

she'd leave

out of sheer boredom 

Extreme Independence is a Trust Issue

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships and family who always took more than they ever gave.

From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies and all the betrayals.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.

You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball... because they will always drop the ball eventually right?

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. 

Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

So, you don’t trust anyone. And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.

To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.

“Never again,” you vow.

But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall. Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either. Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming. It’s a trauma response.

The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.

You are worthy of having support.

You are worthy of having true partnership.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of having your heart held.

You are worthy to be adored.

You are worthy to be cherished.

You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.

You are worthy to receive.

You are worthy.

You don’t have to earn it.

You don’t have to prove it.

You don’t have to bargain for it.

You don’t have to beg for it.

You are worthy.

WORTHY.

Simply because you exist.

~ Jamila White - Psychic, Life Coach, Author

The Lies of Self-pity

Self-pity is nothing less than an impulse to self-destruction. And this is its script: “This is the way you were made. These are the facts of your situation. It’s bad. In fact, it’s so bad, it’s impossible to do anything about it. And therefore, you are free from any responsibility to clean it up. Nobody can blame you for anything.” Self-pity is a liar and a thief.

A liar, because everyone is granted the power to clean up their own mess. A thief, because as long as it sits inside you, it is stealing away the days of your life.

~Rabbi Tzvi Freemam

Always a Heart Space Away

When one encounters their twinflame 

It feels like heaven has opened it's doors

And God himself

Is present

It is that powerful 

And that life changing

The event

Is a reunion

With the other half of your soul

Divinity sparks a flame in you

When your eyes meet

Blessed is the couple

That are reunited

After traveling down a road

Searching for their other half

Hundreds or thousands of years

But always a heart space away 

You Start Dying Slowly if You Do Not Take Risks

You start dying slowly ;

if you do not travel,

if you do not read,

If you do not listen to the sounds of life,

If you do not appreciate yourself.

You start dying slowly :

When you kill your self-esteem,

When you do not let others help you.

You start dying slowly ;

If you become a slave of your habits,

Walking everyday on the same paths…

If you do not change your routine,

If you do not wear different colours

Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.

You start dying slowly :

If you avoid to feel passion

And their turbulent emotions;

Those which make your eyes glisten

And your heart beat fast.

You start dying slowly :

If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain

If you do not go after a dream

If you do not allow yourself

At least once in your lifetime

To run away from sensible advice

Don't let yourself die slowly

Do not forget to be happy!

~ Pablo Neruda♡