Time Traveling

I am time traveling
through this landscape
of my heart.

My past in ruins,
my present unfolding,
my future in reach.

All of these paths -intertwine-
and all of them lead
me back to you.

Awkward Transition

Between this awkward transition between you and I, I must say: your courage has found you, your clarity has defined you, and your good looks only add to my desperate need to be near you.

My Story- My Righteous Grandmother

My grandma, I called Grandma T from the very beginning. She said that I wasn't able to say Theresa. Growing up I never saw her with a man. My grandfather had passed away before I was born. She remained a widow for 20 years. I felt quite sad that she didn't have anyone, but I now realize that she did- she had Jesus. 

Visiting her home was very humbling. She often had soup on the stove, her bible on the table, and her crochet needles and yarn by her rocking chair. Her house was always cold because she lived on a very tight budget. Any time I left her house she would say to me, "Always remember Jesus loves you."  

Grandma T's Praying Hands

Her Christmas gifts were always something she had made by hand. As a child I did not appreciate her gifts, and often buried them in a drawer and forgot about them completely. Even at the end of her days in a nursing home, she kept her hands busy. She did ceramics and crafted many praying hands. The hands that she gifted me, I still have to this day. They remind me that prayer is important and to trust that Jesus is always with me. I now see my life as a living prayer and do my best to pass on to my children the importance of prayer.

I was 9 years old when my father left. Grandma T took the leading role as a spiritual guide and disciplinary figure. She was a robust woman whom worked most of her life. She was a retired nurse and often there would be a sick or injured neighbor at her house in need of care. I rarely went to the doctor because most of the time I was sent to Grandma T's. Seeing as we were dirt poor (my mom on public aide, food stamps, and disability) we simply could not afford visits to the doctor. 

After retiring, Grandma T worked part-time at her church as the secretary. She also played the piano during Sunday morning services. Her love and dedication to the Lord sent her to prisons where she ministered to inmates about Jesus. Because of her I was in church a lot. I memorized the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17), The Beatitudes (Matthew 5), and The Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) at a young age. To this day, I rely on these passages when I am scared, in need of protection, or reassurance. 

My last visit with my grandmother was in the nursing home. She absolutely glowed when she saw my face. She said I had turned out to be a fine, beautiful young woman. That meant a lot to me. In the end, she was the foundation for my spiritual discipline and her faith in the Lord became my pillar that got me through some of the hardest times in my life. In my eyes, she was a saint. She helped the less fortunate, preached to the nonbelievers, and loved Jesus more than anyone I've ever met (except for me).

The Three Spheres

In my thoughts,
I adore you.
In my heart,
I love you.
In my will,
I surrender to you.

There is no desire above the desire to beseech your mercy, grace, and affection.

Soul Stealing

From the shamanic perspective when we can't forgive someone, we are stealing part of his or her soul. It is as though we hold on to a part of their essence. The tricky part about this is that we cannot force ourselves to forgive someone. Forgiveness is something that happens; it is not something we do. But we can set our intention to finding a way for forgiveness to happen so that both parties are set free from each other. As we put our attention to the task, we create an energy where forgiveness can slowly begin to happen.

Reference~ Awakening To The Spirit World, Sandra Ingerman

Purging The Pain

I dive deeper and deeper into my subconscious to find buried memories of you. I explore this territory with an open mind engaged consciously in the process of self discovery.
How I proceed is by carefully placing my emotions in a part of my awareness that does not interfere with my findings. Then, safely I can identify the cause but be detached from the emotions behind the memory.
Because from a Higher perspective the soul does not associate with pain. It's viewpoint is viewed from a perspective of love. And tenderly I can embrace the memory, then I am able to consciously release the pain.